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Primordial Gamer

Seconds after Alex set a record in his favorite game, aliens invaded the Earth. With chaos all around him, Alex struggles and fails to survive in an alien infested world. Apparently, being a world famous speed runner for the game Toilet Man doesn't teach you survival skills. Alex's soul is transported to an amphitheater in the heavens, wearing god awful clothes the gods found for him in the lost and found. He doesn't wear pink bunny slippers! He doesn't wear slippers at all, he insists. Hermes makes fun of his outfit, but tells him the gods are powering up mortals to fight the alien invasion. Alex strikes a bargain with Ludos, the goddess of games, who insists she is not a loli, to be her champion in exchange for infinite growth potential and the opportunity to be the real life rpg character he always wanted to be. Alex chooses Psion as his character class. Now he must level up his psionic powers from noob status, if he wants to ever play video games again. High stakes! ----------------------------------------------------- If you like comedy or action, you will probably like this. This story has a high focus on both. Here are some out of context quotes for you: "We're in a business relationship. We should keep it professional. What do they say? Never put your foot where your mouth is. Wait, never put your mouth on your business. That's not it. Never…" --Alex "Wait, does that mean you get each other pregnant and have each other's babies? I feel like my brain is exploding." --Alex "You may have got me this time, kid, but mark my words: next time, the only thing left of you will be your boots...because everything else will be all blown up and stuff. Because my bullets are explosive. They make things blow up." --Jebediah "Wait, your name is person-man-guy?" --Alex "Smiles and giggles, hugs and knives! Purple Platypuses will take your lives!" --gang door password "I don't want you behind me. I don't like you like that" --Alex "Uh, when you're done smashing your tits into his face, could you come gather with the rest of us?" --Hermes ------------------------------------------------- There is also a discord if you like talking and stuff: https://discord.gg/redmarsh

Red_Marsh · แฟนตาซี
เรตติ้งไม่พอ
58 Chs

Preparation for the Race

Alex sat by himself for a while, sipping his non alcoholic mead, until Finn and Astrid showed back up.

"Man, your god is mean!" Astrid said. "She kicked my ass!"

"I heard," Alex said, smiling.

"Yeah, and she pulled my ear. Is my ear bleeding?" Finn said.

"Your ear is fine," Alex said. "You both are being whiny babies. I was once stabbed 36 times in the stomach. You don't see me moaning about it."

"Really? How are you alive?" Astrid said.

"I was very lucky. I leveled up while I was being stabbed to death, so it full healed me and sent me back," Alex said.

"Like in a game?" Finn said.

"Yes. My god is the goddess of games. She gave me a game system as my divine blessing," Alex said.

"Oh, that's so cool!" Finn said.

"Oh, you are buffer," Astrid said, feeling his chest and abs.

"Hey, no touching! I'm a taken man," Alex said.

"What's her name?" Astrid said.

"Morcai," Alex said.

"Interesting name. How'd you pull that? Do you got something down there that would explain it?" Astrid put her hands lower on Alex's body. "Oh, you do! So that's how it is. I'm jealous." Astrid made bedroom eyes at Alex.

"Hey. Hey! I said no touching!" Alex said. "Especially, not down there. And no, that's not how it is. She liked me before she found out about that."

"Sure she did," Astrid said and winked.

"Why is everyone winking around here?" Alex said. "The mead guy. Now you. Next thing I know, my bed is going to wink at me when I get into it."

"I'm jealous too!" Finn said.

Astrid and Alex both gave him a look. Not a disapproving one. More curious.

"Not like that!" Finn said. "I'm jealous of you having two girlfriends. Not your apparatus."

"Sure, you're not jealous of his apparatus. Hell, I'm jealous of his apparatus. I'd be catching women left and right with that thing!" Astrid said.

"Can we stop talking about my apparatus?" Alex said.

"Apparatus! Apparatus! So and so's got an apparatus!" Astrid yelled to the rest of the room. "Wait, you never told us your name. What is it? Spill."

"It's Alex. Not apparatus haver, thank you very much," Alex said. "Who are your gods? What are your deals?"

"Freyja," Astrid said.

"Lugh," Finn said.

"What are your powers?" Alex said.

"I'm not revealing that to you. You're the enemy," Astrid said.

"I'm good at a lot of different things," Finn said.

"That's not vague," Alex said.

"It is what it is," Finn said.

"Finn! You're not supposed to tell him!" Astrid said.

"You know if we team up with him instead of fighting him, he'll carry us to victory," Finn said.

"He will?" Astrid said. "You will?"

"Easily," Alex said.

"I'm a shieldmaiden!" Astrid said. "I'm big and strong and stuff."

"Ok, Finn's good at stuff, and you're big and strong. Good to know," Alex said, getting up from the table.

"Wait, where are you going?" Astrid said, sticking out her lower lip.

"I was going to check out the maps and read about the creatures and magic of the areas we'll be racing in," Alex said.

"Oh, I'll help!" Finn said. "I'm good at studying."

Finn stood up. When he stood up, his hands came into view. Alex could see that Finn had actually been fiddling with a some sort of machine the entire time they were talking.

"What's that?" Alex said.

"Oh, it's a mobile floodlight. It flies overhead and follows you so you can see where you're going in the dark." Finn said.

"Did you invent that?" Alex said.

"Yeah. As I said, I'm good at stuff." Finn said.

"Huh. I guess I'm starting to see what you meant," Alex said. "Alright. Come on, you two. If you're going to help me study, that is."

"Sure, I'll look at pictures of monsters," Astrid said.

"Not exactly what I was thinking, but ok," Alex said.

"Oh, do you want me to play with your apparatus?" Astrid said.

"No! I'm good on that. But thank you," Alex said.

"Ok," Astrid said.

"Oh, I can show you what you're looking for if you tell me," Finn said. "I've already checked out both the scrolls and tomes, and the cartography chamber."

"Of course you have," Alex said, not surprised.

All three of them abandoned their half-empty mead mugs and went into the area of scrolls and tomes. They studied for hours, with Finn helping Alex look up what he wanted to know and Astrid looking at pictures of mythical creatures.

"Oh, this one has three apparatuses!" Astrid said.

"Of course that's what you notice," Alex said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Astrid said.

"Nothing," Alex said.

Next they went over to the cartography chamber and looked at maps of the Nine Worlds. Finn pointed out where the silver checkpoints would most likely be and where the extra checkpoints probably were as well.

Astrid had brought over the picture book of creatures and was still looking at that. Once it had gotten pretty late, Finn and Astrid went to one of the magical pavilions to sleep, and Alex went back to the guest hall.

When he was back in his room, Alex played with different combinations of skills using Psionic Surge and eventually fell asleep on his bed.

Alex, Finn, and Astrid spent the next two days studying and practicing battle formations. Astrid used her massive shield and a magical returning spear for fighting. Finn used a combination of gadgets and also a magical spear for fighting, as well as a bit of druidic magic.

Astrid's spear's magic just let it return to her hand after she threw it. Finn's was extra sharp and sturdy for piercing thick hides.

On the evening before the race, everyone gathered in the Great Hall of Valhalla for a massive feast. The golden hall was lit up by the light of countless torches. Its huge expanse filled with long tables that groaned under the weight of food and drink.

Chosen Ones from pantheons from all over the world mingled with their various patron deities. The air buzzed with excitement for the coming competition.

Odin came out and stood before the Great Hall. "Everyone, we are gathered here to celebrate this glorious competition organized, but not designed, by Alexander James Chen!"

Everyone cheered and whooped. Anyone sitting at Alex's table or even nearby tables clinked their mugs together with his in celebration.

"Now some of you may not have wanted to come here, until you found out that Alex somehow convinced the head Fate of all Fates to help sponsor this competition. Regardless of your reason for being here, we welcome you all to feast and celebrate in our Great Hall of Valhalla!"

"While we may not always see eye to eye, we are all one big family created and worshipped by humans, and it is to them that our true duty lies. In the days following this competition, may we drive back the alien scourge from whence they came and free our planet of their tyranny!"

Everyone cheered and shouted at that.

"Now, everyone, enjoy your meals, but not too much because you have a big five days ahead of you! Good night!" Odin finished his speech and left the hall.

Thor came up after Odin and said, "And for those worried about going home empty handed, everyone will be going home with one of Kvasir's endlessly refilling magical mugs! They aren't as good as fresh from the tap, but they're better than anything you've ever drank before!" Thor laughed and held his mug up to the room.

Everyone whooped and cheered again and began eating. Everyone from Mount Olympus was there, even if their Chosen weren't competing in the race.

Ludos was there, sitting next to Alex, Finn, and Astrid. Ludos kept challenging people to drinking games, and against all odds and logic, she won every single one of them.