Primordial Gamer

Seconds after Alex set a record in his favorite game by telling a really bad 'Your Momma' joke, aliens invaded the Earth. With chaos all around him, Alex struggles and fails to survive in an alien infested world. Apparently, being a world famous speed runner for the game Toilet Man doesn't teach you survival skills. Alex's soul is transported to an amphitheater in the heavens, wearing god awful clothes the gods found for him in the lost and found. He doesn't wear pink bunny slippers! He doesn't wear slippers at all, he insists. Hermes makes fun of his outfit, but tells him the gods are powering up mortals to fight the alien invasion. Alex strikes a bargain with Ludos, the goddess of games, who insists she is not a loli, to be her champion in exchange for infinite growth potential and the opportunity to be the real life rpg character he always wanted to be. Alex chooses Psion as his character class. Now he must level up his psionic powers from noob status, if he wants to ever play video games again. High stakes! ----------------------------------------------------- If you like comedy or action, you will probably like this. This story has a high focus on both. Here are some out of context quotes for you: "We're in a business relationship. We should keep it professional. What do they say? Never put your foot where your mouth is. Wait, never put your mouth on your business. That's not it. Never…" --Alex "Wait, does that mean you get each other pregnant and have each other's babies? I feel like my brain is exploding." --Alex "You may have got me this time, kid, but mark my words: next time, the only thing left of you will be your boots...because everything else will be all blown up and stuff. Because my bullets are explosive. They make things blow up." --Jebediah "Wait, your name is person-man-guy?" --Alex "Smiles and giggles, hugs and knives! Purple Platypuses will take your lives!" --gang door password "I don't want you behind me. I don't like you like that" --Alex "Uh, when you're done smashing your tits into his face, could you come gather with the rest of us?" --Hermes ------------------------------------------------- There is also a discord if you like talking and stuff: https://discord.gg/TKqSb8jHpa Yes, you will have to type out the link. I'm sorry!!!