Daily Life of a Pokemon

Buneary-POV:

Yaaawn.

I smack my lips and stretch my ears. It's another great morning without an empty stomach. My favorite human in the whole world keeps me warm, and I had the nicest dream last night.

Everyone was groveling at my feet, and I was as tall as Swole. I forced Salandit to admit that she's only number two, and Zoey and Akari weren't trying to take my spot either.

Reality, on the other paw, is a little disappointing. 

Here she is. Zoey. On my spot. Even though she said she wanted to leave as soon as master fell asleep.

And there is that little, lizardly bitch. Didn't even really want a team, and now she is trying to steal my position as its leader. Well, as second in command. Swole is my master, after all.

I see Salandit is awake. "Morning." As long as she doesn't cause me any trouble, I will stay nice to her.

"Yaaawn. A ssweet morning to you too."

"Why do you look so tired?"

"I wass up half the night looking through bags with Misdreavus. I taught her how to do knots."

That's a useful skill to have. Sadly, my paws aren't decs- dexta-- movable enough for that. Using cutlery is the most precise thing I can do.

"We have our battle tomorrow. You can't do that again."

"Don't worry." She yawns. "The last gym wass a breeze, even though you passsed out."

My eye twitches. "My enemy was stronger."

"Yeah, right. I could have taken that ant out easily. And if it really was harder, then why was your reward so much worse than mine?"

I didn't know mating was an option! "Nothing wrong with a week of steak and eggs."

"Except we could just assk him for it at any time." I DIDN'T KNOW!

"Could you both argue quietly?" Riolu whispers from somewhere behind Swole. "Daddy is still trying to sleep."

It's true. His heartbeat hasn't picked up yet. His breathing is still much lower than normal.

He used to wake up around the same time as I did... I miss that a little.

Salandit stretches her neck to look over the pile of bodies. "Why do you sstill call him daddy? You are Lucario, just... reborn, if I got it correctly?"

"Well." Her voice has become extremely embarrassed. "I just like the sound of it. It sounds right to call him that."

Same for me with 'master'.

Come to think of it, he needs to wake up. Or else we can't start training. But his face looks so peaceful right now... 

I have an idea! I will just wake him up gently with a kiss. Like Dawn did a few times.

I stand up to lean over his face. His slow breaths tickle the fur on my face, and I place a gentle but long kiss on his lips.

"Hmmm, Zoey..." He mumbles in his half-asleep state. Just as I'm about to pull away again, his arm wraps around me, his hand presses my head closer.

A tongue invades my mouth.

W-what? Why does this feel so much better than our normal kisses!?

It's like his tongue is dominating my mouth! Oh, sweet Arceus, don't let this end!

He lets go of my mouth. Arceus, you ass! "Zoey, what happened to your teeth?"

His eyes are still closed, so I go in for more. I easily wrest his half-willing mouth open and stick my own tongue inside again.

"Buneary?" Suddenly, he pulls me away. "What are you doing? Did Salandit set you up for this?"

Heh. He blames her for it. Nice.

I go in for another kiss. "Mmmm!" He struggles. But he's taller, so in the end, he just pulls me far away enough from his face to continue. "What the--"

"Swole?" Zoey's voice quietly rings out. Her bleary eyes struggle to open and focus on us. "Could ya kindly stop poking me down there?"

Hehe. I caused that.

"Sorry... Good morning, Zoey. Did you sleep well?"

"Mhm." She nuzzles her head into his neck. "It was nice."

I bet it was! It's my spot after all! And just like all things I choose, my spot is great.

"Do you want to pick up Dawn and head down for breakfast?" He asks.

"Sure... but just 5 more minutes?"

"But master, we need to start training soon."

"Buneary is right." - "What did she say?" - "We need to get up so we can train sooner."

She glares at me for ruining her cuddling session but gets up in the end. "Sigh... Alright."

But before Swole could get up as well, I rushed him and took back my spot.

"Awe, was someone jealous?" Zoey mocks, but I hold the high ground. On my spot. "That's so cute."

His hands move through the fur on my back. My attention shifts solely to him. I ignore the mocking cooing of Zoey, the jealous glaring of Salandit and Riolu. Riolu doesn't do anything bad, but I ignore it either way!

I haven't bitten his ear in a while. I feel like I should. It looks so tantalizing. Just hanging around. Immobile. Looks a little weird. Weird, but still biteable.

So I nuzzle his cheek while he brushes over the back of my head and pets my ears. And then I bite him. Lightly. He's still a squishy human. I need to be careful not to break him.

But he's slowly growing stronger. Sturdier... More attractive. I need to mark him as mine sooner rather than later. Before someone else does it first.

"What is she even doing?" Zoey's voice falls on deaf ears as I continue to chew on his earlobe.

"I think her species just likes to do that." Master lectures. "Perhaps it's a habit from mating rituals? Maybe Buneary and Lopunny bite their partner's ears in the wild? It is their most unique feature after all."

"... Isn't that weird?" Zoey asks, and I feel his face grow hotter in embarrassment.

"Nooo, don't worry about it." He says. "It's just instinctual habits without a proper focus. That's all."

Heh. It's not.

---

"What's for breakfast, daddy?" Riolu asks. Her stomach rumbles despite the steak and egg yesterday evening.

I'm feeling a little peckish myself. Another small steak, perhaps?

"Let's see what the hotel has to offer." Master says as he puts on a regular shirt. "They've been pretty good with everything else so far, so maybe their breakfast options are good enough for pokemon."

He means for us, not pokemon in general. I've seen the junk they try to sell in the ads. These pet-pokemon might not go hungry, but I'd rather go hungry than eat the stuff from TV every day.

"Good morning, Zoey!" Suddenly, the door opens. Dawn storms inside. "Let's go and... wake up... Swole... Swole, what were you doing here?"

He's still in the middle of putting on his pants.

"Uhhh... It's not what it looks like!"

"What does it look like, huh? You were sleeping with her, weren't you!?"

"Well... yes. But not like that!"

"You cheating scoundrel!"

"Scoundrel!?-- No, wait, cheating? ... You're messing with me, aren't you?"

"Of course, dummy. I know we are too young to bother with that stuff." She says that, but I can smell that she lies. Ny nose knows.

Swole complains for a bit about being called a dummy before we all head down to the hotel's ground floor and then to the buffet.

Riolu smelled it first and started talking about the food. Once I got in its range, an incredible aroma wafted into my nose. An overwhelming smell. Sweet, fruity, meaty.

And then it comes into view. They have shelves stocked full of freshly baked bread, slices of Tauros ham, and a large pot boils with Goldeen fish stew.

I have never seen such a vast selection of food before! It looks amazing!

Is this what heaven is supposed to be like?

"Psst, Swole." I hear Zoey trying to whisper. "Is that really in our budget?"

Whatever 'budget' means, I hope this is in it!

But before he could even reply, a waiter ushered us along to sit at the refined tables. On the way, I noticed everyone here eats like Lisa did. Swole's mom was a very careful and controlled eater, same as these people.

And while looking around, mapping out the escape routes, and identifying possible targets; I also found out that my humans are by far the youngest in the room. Everyone else is wrinkly and gray.

A couple of pokemon sit near their masters with collars around their necks. Furfrou, Lillipup, Growlithe and Eevee, to name a few.

The waiter leads us past quite a few filled tables, but eventually, we reach a large, round table with a cushioned seating booth around it. The fabric has a very familiar brown color... It's soft and fuzzy. Very nice to sit on. It reminds me a little bit of the times when I used to cuddle with my mom.

The waiter said not to worry about it. It's supposedly fake.

Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Just moments later, Dawn, Zoey and their pokemon stand up again and head for the food. We are the only ones who don't move, and I look at my master to make the first move - or to give us answers.

"Buneary, you're in charge. I need to talk with someone for a bit. In the meantime, you girls can start picking out whatever you want from the buffet, alright?"

"Are you sure?" Won't he need me wherever he plans to go?

"Yess, are you ssure you want to trust her with ssuch a task? She could never be responsible enough for that."

The first thing I will do after winning the gym is beat her up.

"Don't worry. I will be nearby. And I trust Buneary. See you in a bit."

And then he walks off. 

Salandit rushes off immediately. "Use a plate!" I shout after her and feel my blood rushing in anger. If she embarrasses us, I might have to beat her up sooner.

"Come on, Riolu. Let's get you something to eat." She looks at me weirdly but has no choice. I just take her by the paw and lead the way to the buffet.

The well-manicured Furfrou I saw earlier raises his snout like a pompous prick when we pass by him. "Savages." I hear him mutter, loud enough to tell me we were supposed to hear it. Most likely, he saw Salandit stuff her plate to the brim with all sorts of sliced fruits and meats.

It's easy to dismiss his opinion because he's on a leash. And I figured out that leashes aren't around the necks of kinky pokemon, but on losers. 'Pets'. I could rip out his innards before he knew what hit him.

"Did you smell something you like?" Riolu's nose is in the air, sniffing for the best foods. "Something meaty?"

"Hm. But I think that is raw." She points up to a buffet counter.

We're too small to see what it is. But master would definitely not want us to jump up. So I take a nearby chair, climb up, and see... raw, minced meat. On their own little plates with an egg yolk on top.

It smells really good. "Want to try it out?" If we are fast enough, he won't see us eat raw meat.

"Sure, why not?" She agrees.

Back at the table, Salandit has her face stuffed in a peach. Other remains of various fruits lie around her plate. Such an unrefined savage.

The others have also returned; Master is the only one who is still missing.

"How are you supposed to eat this?" Riolu asks as she inspects the raw meat closely. We obviously aren't supposed to stuff our faces inside.

"You can still only eat with chopsticks, right?"

"They are the superior eating utensils."

"They offered them next to the forks, so I guess it must be alright to use them too. I'd say we start by puncturing the egg yolk. I can't see how else we are supposed to eat a liquid."

"Hm." She pokes a chopstick in the yolk, and it pops and oozes the yellow liquid all over the meat.

"And then just eat it, I guess." I put some of the dark red, sticky mixture on my fork and try some...

It... tastes so different. It's not anything like the stuff I remember. It's so smooth, it feels almost like it melts on the tongue. And the flavor is so intense - it's such a strong taste of meat! I love it! And they put other stuff in the mix too: Diced onions, I think. And salt and pepper.

A second bite confirms it. It's really tasty. The meat is lean and dense in protein. Less bloody than what I'm used to, but the egg yolk adds fat and moisture back in while adding more flavor to the palette.

"Oh?" I startle and drop my fork as I hear his voice beside me. "You're eating steak tartare on its own? Without anything else?"

How did I not hear him coming? Half my plate is still filled with raw meat! What do I do now!?

"Daring. But here, try it on bread instead. My dad showed me that once. He got it from his trip to Kalos."

He hands me and Riolu half a bread roll each and shows the results on his plate. "When you put it on bread like this, tartare becomes 'Mett'. Mett on a mettbrötchen. And here are some extra onion slices for the both of you."

"... Why is this raw meat okay, but others aren't?"

"..." He remains silent for a few moments. "Presentation, I guess. And parasites. The hotel is liable if they make us sick, so they make extra sure to use only the highest quality meat."

"But pokemon don't carry parasites."

"... I see what you are trying to argue. We're not going to eat random pokemon raw. That's final."

He doesn't like to have any fun.

Anyway, I take a bite from the mettbrötchen. The flavor changed. It's sweeter now. The crunchy bread roll and the onion slices add a nice texture on top of it, contrasting strongly with the almost-pasty meat. But the intensity of the meat is slightly muted.

It's close, but I prefer tartare on its own. I bet it would be incredible with hot sauce.

"Everyone." After eating his first mettbrötchen, master suddenly addresses the table, and captures the attention of all of us easily. "I want you to know, they are giving us the heroes' treatment. It turns out the crown is paying for everything. Lodging and food... So... Eat as much as you can fit!"

"Well ahead of you!" Salandit slurs out while slurping up the meat of an oyster with her long tongue.

I'm a little closer to hitting her. "Don't speak with your mouth full!"

---

"Ready, Buneary?"

I nod. The ninth round is about to begin.

"Go!"

I pick up a nearby pebble and throw it, forcing master to dodge and then run to me for close combat.

His movements are painfully slow, but his grapples are devastating. His stance is too low for me to attack his legs. He turns too quickly for me to attack his back. His reflexes have become good enough that I can't weave past his defense.

What I need is a feint. So I sprint the rest of the distance separating us. We meet in the middle of the field; His arms are poised to tank an attack, but I bank to the right side at the last moment. My right - his left - is his weaker side.

His sluggish turning speed just barely keeps up.

My foot kicks up dust as I make a sharp break before jumping over him. He begins to roll, as expected, but then he stops on his back instead of completing his roll. His squishy stomach seems to be wide open. 

It's a trap. He wants to tank and counterattack. I know it.

Still, I aim for his stomach anyway. Trying to avoid the chest and, more importantly, the little bone at the center. The last time I hit him there, the pain knocked him out.

Without type energy, my heel uselessly kicks into his hard muscles. From the corners of my eyes, I can see his arms closing in from both sides. Then, as soon as he has a hold on me, he turns over and pins me to the ground. 

His breathing rings loudly in my ears.

He pants. "You let me win..." He rolls over and rests on his back, with me on top of his stomach.

It was going to be his ninth loss in a row.

He has a frown on his face. "I'm disappointed."

"W-what? Why?"

"I don't want to win. I want you to improve. Meathead." He flicks my forehead and lets me go.

But I stay on top of him. He still owes me some more cuddling because he let Zoey steal my time at night.

"Come on, next round. One more. Then I need to take care of Salandit's training. If you lose again, you're sleeping in your pokeball tonight."

He gets up and I jump a bit away as I feel the fur on my back rise in indignation.

"What? That's not fair! I could actually lose, you know?! You are just way too fragile! You gave me so many handicaps!"

"I'm sure you can still win. Get ready. And go!"

But I'm not ready yet! The distance is too short-- He's running already! What do I do?

Throwing stones? Not enough time.

Counterattack? ... No, I can't let him block my attacks. 

I need to dodge! The sides? No, he can just adjust his aim. Up? Too predictable.

I hop back, making sure not to slip or stumble on anything. One more second of time.

Through his legs? ... Way too risky. Just a touch of his legs counts as a kick.

I dodge right, but with Splash!

The energy helps me quickly bounce for a couple of meters. I see his footing mess up slightly as he turns to follow me. It's his weak side.

Another bounce, and he can't keep up. The speed is too much for him. His footing is a complete mess!

A third and final bounce propels me closer. In response, he swings his arm to strike me with a backhand, but it's too slow and I stop just in time. His hand passes by in front of my face. I can feel the wind brush over my face. The power behind his swing causes him to stumble.

He aims his fall, trying to land on top of me! Damn it, it's still not over! But Splash is too slow now!

What do I do!? I can't escape!

I got it! How could I forget? I'm only forbidden from attacking with moves!

I use Protect!

A transparent shield appears out of nowhere and pushes Swole off and away.

He flips twice and falls to his back. It knocks the air out of him, and he groans in pain on the ground.

I'm free to aim my final attack!

Sweet Kiss.

"Hehe, I win."

But he just mumbles out a mess of syllables in response, while struggling to exist, lying on the ground. None of his noises could even resemble a word.

I reclaim my throne and wait for Sweet Kiss to run its course. I could stop it early. But I don't want to.

He's a little cute, fumbling and mumbling like that. 

But eventually, he strings the first set of words together that manage to form a real sentence. "Buneary? How did I get here?"

I ignore his question. A sense of when and where will come back on its own at some point. "That's what you get for starting the battle before I was ready."

He looks confused for a couple more seconds before clarity reappears in his eyes. "Ah! Now I remember. Good use of Protect. Really great timing! But I think it defeats the purpose of the training."

What!?

He flicks my nose. "Protect wins the match for you whenever it's ready. It's too strong. Instead, you could have jumped back without using Splash. Just a meter would have been enough to get out of my range, and I would have been stuck like a Turtwig on its back. Or my stomach in this case."

Huh. I didn't think of that. I was only thinking of Splash for some reason.

"For the gym battle tomorrow, if you hear me say 'back', just jumping is enough. I will call out 'back with Splash' if you need it."

"Hmh." I nod and feel my ears flopping. His body shakes slightly because I'm still on top of him.

This position reminds me of something Salandit once showed me in a magazine. Humans can be ridden, apparently. It's very similar to this.

I would just need to go a little bit lower, and then--

"Alright. Let's get up. Salandit needs my help." Nooo! "She's pretty close to mastering Toxic and if we spend all day practicing, we can use it tomorrow. As for you, your Low Sweep is almost as good as I want it to be. I have a Leppa Berry if you need one."

Low Sweep is so boring without a proper target. "... I don't need it right now. I will come to you once I run out of steam."

And then he puts me on the ground, pets my head a few times, and moves on...

Sigh. I resume my training.

As quickly as I can, I charge up fighting type power in my leg, strike the air with Low Sweep... and hit nothing. No impact. Nothing breaks. No screams of pain. I'm not even allowed to kill trees in parks anymore.

... Boring.

---

Dawn and Zoey came to pick us up around noon. They were training together to make pretty moves for the next contest. They didn't want to eat without Swole, and he used it as excuse to put a break into our training.

"Hey, let's check out the museum over there!" Dawn gets distracted as we walk down a busy road, closer to the city center.

"But I'm hungry..." Hungry says.

"Hi Hungry, I'm Dawn-- Ouch! Hey, stop pinching your girlfriend! Assault! Ahem, anyway, there is a burger place right next door. None of our pokemon have tried fast food before, right?"

I ate some pretty fast food before. Diglett, Emolga, Zigzagoon. Fast little critters. Zigzagoon turned out to be really tasty too. But I've never seen a "burger" before. If they are so fast, then I want to fight against one!

"We had pizza once. In Jubilife City. But alright. Let's get the burger joint first." Master decides. "And we can use the museum tour to digest. By the way, how is your training going for the contest?"

We are standing in a line now. Dawn answers for them while Zoey looks around suspiciously. Looking for threats? A wild Burger perhaps?

Master taps me to get my attention and asks me. "Which do you want?"

"... Uhm... Which what?"

"Which burger?"

"Are there regional variants?"

Salandit looks at me weirdly. "What do you think a burger iss?"

"A type of pokemon?"

She nods in understanding. "Look at the front of the line. What do you ssee?"

"A building. And a little window where a woman hands out brown paper bags. So Burgers must be pretty small!"

"Good!" She says. "You're sso smart. Now, what's shown on that picture besside the window?"

"A round sandwich? Oh! That's a burger! I got it!"

"Yaaay! You did sssooo well!"

"Hehe. I know." Sometimes I manage to surprise myself with how smart I am.

"It wass a joke. It obviously wassn't a pokemon. Can't you understand anything from context alone?"

Grrr!

"I'm just going to get you a bacon-cheese burger." In the end, Master decides it for me. Just a few minutes later he hands me the wrapped sandwich from his paper bag.

It smells... meaty. Fried meat and onions... And something else. I can't place the other smells. 

I copy what everyone else does and unpack it. The inside is a large, round sandwich with a soft bun and a thick slice of fried, minced meat placed in the middle. Onions, some suspiciously smelling cheese and crispy bacon are layered on it as well.

But the fat doesn't smell too good. It doesn't seem to bother the humans at all.

Riolu, who will one day be immune to poison, is the first of us to dare take a bite. "How is it?"

"... Edible. The fat is gross, and the bread tastes... empty." She takes another bite. "There is a lot of sugar in it, but it doesn't taste sweet somehow."

I take my own bite. Everything she said is true. I guess the meat is alright, but it must have been fried in some crappy oil. The buns taste as if there is nothing inside. Just air and empty calories. It's salty.

It reminds me a little bit of these cookies Swole had back then. Hard tack, I think he called it. It's like that, just with more air inside. Better than starving. However, anything my master cooks is 100 times better.

He finished his third burger when I was done with my first and final one.

Hunger has been driven back enough. I'm just going to wait and eat something else in the evening.

It's weird how much of a difference there can be in food. Burgers are gross, meanwhile mettbrötchen, which are almost the same thing, are delicious.

"Now, we have about an hour of break time left before we need to return to our training." Master informs us once he sees everyone has finished eating. "It's all the time we can afford. Let's go to the fossil museum."

...

"What's a fossil?"

"A pokemon. Obviously." Salandit tries to tell me the wrong answer. 

But I'm not as stupid as she thinks I am! "Oh yeah? And what context tells you that, huh?"

Hah! Let's see her try and talk her way out of that! 

"Oh no. I guesss you got me. Sssilly me."

"Hah! I knew it!"

"Buneary..." Master says. I don't think I like the tone he's using. "I want you to know that I still love you, even if you're stupid."

"W-what? What do you mean!? I am smart!"

"Don't worry about it. Let's go look at the fossilized remains of ancient pokemon."

Awe... They really were pokemon all along.

The first one that greets us is the exoskeleton of a Kabutops, who looks almost alive. Only its eyes and joints are missing. Nothing but the shell of a formerly mighty pokemon. Twice my size, with scythe-like hands that look razor-sharp. The blades are almost as long as my whole body is tall.

"Did you know that pokemon used to be taller?" Swole says. "It was the oxygen in the atmosphere. Back then, there were so many plants, and they broke up all the carbon dioxide in the air, resulting in a higher concentration of oxygen. And..." That all sounds really complicated. "... so pokemon became taller!"

"Is that why Salandit and I are taller?"

"What? No. I told you, ..." He says something. "... so it's definitely not the same reason."

"Ah. I get it now." I don't. But that's alright. Everything is fine as long as he knows all the things I don't know.

As we wander further into the museum, we see more and more crazy-looking skeletons of pokemon. Long necks and tails, as tall as a building. One is some kind of enormous fish, while some are massive with wings!

And there are even crazier-looking ones!

This one looks like the head grows on the tip of his tail. It's a Dracovish.

And another pokemon. It has a pair of large legs and a thick tail, but the spine connects to a much smaller torso. Dracozolt.

Such a mighty-looking specimen. I wish I could fight them!

"Doctor Cara Liss." Master reads something from the plaques. "What a charlatan! She obviously just stuck two different pokemon together! I mean, that one has his head at the wrong angle!" 

He's talking about Arctovish. 

"Or that! Part of its pokedex entry literally says, It has a hard time walking around. Of course it can't walk! She gave the poor guy flippers! His lower half is just a fish!" 

Arctozolt.

"Did you know that almost all fossil pokemon still live in some secluded areas in the world? They have all been spotted in the wild... Except for Doctor Cara Liss' discoveries. She literally just made the pokemon up and got her doctorate through it. The poor pokemon that she revived with deformed bodies..."

I don't get it.

But what I do understand is that some of the skeletons and preserved bodies are incredibly impressive.

One room had to be built taller to store the carcass of a gigantic Dragonite. Swole read the plaque for me and said it was found submerged inside the Grand Marsh, near Pastoria City. Hundreds of years old but incredibly well preserved.

But that was also the final thing we saw before master's alarm went off and we went back to training.

... More Low Sweep for me...

---

"Would you look at that?" The old man's voice rings through the door's intercom. "You're on time today."

"Yes... Sorry, sir." I don't like it when master has to apologize to people. "I forgot to set an alarm yesterday."

I don't like alarms either. We spend most of the day being dictated around by that evil thing. It's as if humans invented timekeeping only to be stressed out about time itself.

Anyway, today's training has been a great success! I can use Low Sweep really good now, and as master said, it's going to be really pawsy against the rock-type gym. Except, he called it handy instead. Humans and their weird words.

Suddenly, Gourgeist pokes her head through the door. "Hi!" And then the door opens with one vine-arm she's holding the knob and the other she uses to invite us in. "Come in, everyone! My master is already waiting in the kitchen! We've been looking forward the whole day for your trainer to make more of his amazing food!"

Then she floats off.

"I think she wants us to follow." My glorious steed concludes before following her into the mansion.

It's a nice mansion. I like the solid appearance of the brick walls. It almost looks like a castle. I bet it could take a few hits.

Maybe we will have a castle for ourselves one day. That would be great.

The old man sits and waits in his rolling chair in the kitchen, listening to the news on the radio until we arrived.

He gestures with his arms for Swole to come closer before they engage in discussions about politics and stuff.

Eventually he notices how bored everyone besides them is from the topic. "Why don't we let our pokemon play around while we talk a bit about politics, eh?"

I don't know if I should be happy to be left of the hook, or angry over being treated as a hatchling.

"Sure." Master agrees before they start talking about the ins and outs of the Platinum family's ongoings.

I don't like politics.

Gourgeist grabs our shoulders with her arm-like hair and pulls us away while her eyes radiate joy. "Yaaay! Let's play!" Then she lets her arms flop around wildly and runs away, through another wall.

I don't have the energy to deal with that, after a hard day of training. "Riolu. As the youngest, it's your job to play with her."

"I'm over 300 years old..." She complains. Still, she listens to me. "Alright. Gourgeist, what do you want to play?"

The ghost pokes her head back through the wall. "Let's play hide and seek! You search first!" And she floats off again.

With a slumped head, Riolu stalks off. "Ghost pokemon are way too good at hide and seek..."

Lurantis is nearby and giggles at the exchange with a very old, mature-sounding laugh. "Hihi." She holds the joints of her claws to where her mouth should be when she laughs. "I can see you don't wish to play. Would you like some tea instead?"

"Yes, please." I reply and hop off master's shoulder.

"No, thankss." Salandit immediately took up the space I gave up, the same moment as it became free. "I'm just going to stay here." Her tail wraps around his neck, lies her head on his shoulder, and motions for me to leave. "Sssshu. Go away."

One more day. Just one day of patience, and then I can finally enjoy beating that cocky little reptile up. She has absolutely no respect for my territory.

"So," Lurantis begins talking with me. I tear my eyes away from Salandit, only to see Lurantis mistreat the poor, scratched handle of a black steel kettle with her claws. "You look tense."

"I am tense. Tomorrow is a big fight. But Salandit is making everything more difficult than it needs to be!"

She nods. "My master already told us that we're going to visit the gym to view your fight." Steam slowly wafts out of the kettle's spout. "Why aren't you keeping her in line if she's causing you trouble?"

"I will! As soon as I get the gym badge for us, she will be in a world of pain! But I can't right now. She can't get injured before tomorrow."

"So that's it? Hahaha." Her laugh sounds frail. I back off to safety when she pours hot water into a mug. Her claws shake a lot while she does the precise task. The old age and the laughter are a bad combination for her precision, so I don't really trust her around hot water.

"You know, there are other ways to claim your spot. Non-violent ways. Back then, when we were traveling, our master had forbidden us from fighting, so I had to resort to other methods."

"Really? What can I do?!"

"Come closer..." She says as she uses the tips of both of her claws to stir a sort of brush inside the mug. Akari used to do that as well. Is that some kind of process I need to learn?

"You see... When a pokemon and their trainer like each other a lot--"

"Shhh! I know that already!" Hopefully, my fur does a good job at holding in the heat of my blush.

"Suit yourself; Just talking from experience."

I really don't want to talk about that topic with a stranger. Unless... maybe she does have some real advice?

"Ahem... So, I do have a problem... The problem is that I know he wouldn't want that sort of thing. You know?" She nods. "Salandit tried a few times already, but he kept rejecting her advances. How do I... do it... if he doesn't want to?"

"Ahhh, I see. Here, drink this first."

"What is that?"

"Matcha." Akari made the same tea once or twice. Instead of coffee, she used the same green powder, put it into hot water, and mix it with a brush like Lurantis did. It seems like an important skill to have. Got it. "It helps you keep calm. And you won't come to good conclusions when you're not calm."

It's a hot, frothing, green soup. If I had to take a guess, grass pokemon would enjoy it a lot. It tastes like that too. Blergh.

It's as if someone cut lots of grass into pieces and steeped it in water. But master enjoyed it when Akari prepared it for him.

"Have you calmed down yet?"

"Uhhhm. Yes?" No.

"Good. Here is how I did it. You see, I was the second pokemon my master caught. He was inexperienced. Me too. It was my first encounter with a human. I simply didn't know how to escape the pokeball yet. In a fair match, I would have won the battle easily, but alas, I got caught instead."

She tries to take a sip, but the mug keeps slipping out of her claws at the last second.

"It took me a while to evolve. However, eventually, I did it. And then I was by far the strongest pokemon in our team. Bellsprout accepted me as our new leader... My master didn't. And so I--"

"And so you broke his legs!? That's why he's in the rolling chair! Sweet Mew, Lurantis, you would do something like that?!"

"What? No!"

"Huh?"

"I didn't break his legs! It was a climbing accident during an expedition! Why would you even think that?!"

"I dunno... I thought it was obvious... So what did you do if you didn't break his legs?"

"One second." She gave up using her claws and now sips from the mug directly. I can't even tell where her mouth is because her face is mostly just a chitinous plate, but her eyes take on a happy expression when the liquid disappears somehow.

"Now, where was I again?"

"You were about to tell me how you became your team's leader."

"Oh right, I evolved, and then Bellsprout--"

"We're already past that. Your trainer didn't accept your role as number one. What then?"

"Well, I fucked him." Wow. That was blunt! "I was by far the strongest, stronger than him and his girlfriend. She broke up with him afterwards, so she wasn't a good mate for him anyway. She took all his love for granted. I saw her talking with other males too." Terrible.

"And he wanted... that?"

"At first? Yes. She was pretty, so I understand why he wanted her."

"I meant the other stuff."

She tilts her head 45 degrees. "The other stuff?"

"The... sex."

"Oh! That. Well, no. But he couldn't fight me off either."

Interesting... I'm almost always winning in our sparring matches. It's something I might be able to pull off.

But don't the humans have a word for that? Some word that's supposed to be bad... I think it was grape!

Well, either way, our situation is a little different. I'm pretty sure master still accepts me as number one. It's just Salandit who is delusional. Once I take her down a notch, my position will be firm and set in stone.

That way I don't have to grape him. I could whittle down his resistance instead.

"Buneary?" His voice rings out behind me. He managed to sneak up to me again! How am I so distracted today!?

"Yes?" 

"Mr Gump and I are already done. He's sending us off again. But I got a few new books from him and want to try one out! It's a proper massage guide, not just the anatomy book Nurse Joy got me."

His eyes travel over the tiny table we are sitting at. "Oh, I can wait until you drink your tea. Then we can go."

"Do I have to?"

I know it's not polite to just leave it, but that brew tastes so gross!

"Yes, I'm sorry. We still have a few things to do for the battle tomorrow. And I'm sure you will enjoy it too!"

Damn it. I drink the rest of the tea. It's even more bitter now, after it has become cold. Yuck!

Salandit grins at me and whispers something into master's ears. The taste made my ears scrunch up together with the rest of my face, so I couldn't hear it.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Buneary." He apologizes again for some reason. "I thought you meant if we had to go so soon! You didn't have to drink the tea, if you didn't want that."

...

Each little hiss of laughter that escapes Salandit's maw will turn into one more punch later.

---

The door closes with a bang. Once again, it's just us and our master.

"What are we gonna do on the bed?" Pomf. I jump and let myself fall onto the bed. It's very fluffy. But it's still too early to sleep.

"Yess, masster. What did you plan for uss, alone and without your harem nearby?" Salandit scales up the bed frame and lies down beside me.

"Uhm... uh..." He mumbles random noises.

Finally, Riolu joins us. She looks a little out of her water as she attempts to look as seductively as she can.

Cute.

A sense of success fills me as I see a certain something grow in his pants. But the sense fades away when I hear him mumble, "I shouldn't have imagined the girls like that..."

Over the weeks, I managed to figure out that humans are very selective in their mating preferences. He only likes other humans like that. That is, until bodily contact is involved. I've noticed that he sometimes tends to forget about the human part while petting or brawling.

"Mr Gump gave me a copy of his very own medicinal cookbook, which specializes in cooking with herbs. This right here." He pulls out some packed food. "We made it earlier. It contains slices of Energy Root that have been preserved in honey. Usually the taste of Energy Root is horrendous, but the honey should improve it a tiny bit."

Horrendous is a tame description. It's a necessity to eat in the wild. I shudder. Just remembering the taste makes my fur rise up on its own.

"Another book is for massaging pokemon. He also gave me the names of a couple of massage techniques that are best for muscle recovery. It's the perfect combination before the battle."

A massage!? Is that what we are going to do? The perverted almost-mating that he did with Salandit!?

"Buneary, how about we start with you?"

Yes!

I nod and lie down on my back. Lightly spreading my limbs into a more inviting position.

"Turn around, please." He's blushing.

"Doggy sstyle?" Salandit offers commentary while I get into position.

Swole glares at her for a moment. "No, flat on your stomach. I need to dig into your muscles."

"Prone Bone?"

"... How do you even know those terms?" He asks.

Salandit shrugs before saying, "I read your magazine."

"No, you don't. It's a standard swimsuit modeling issue. Those kinds of things aren't inside it. I checked. And you can't read. How would you get those names from a book?"

She tries to respond. One claw is held high in the air as if trying to lecture. She abruptly interrupts herself before even letting out the first sound. The claw lowers itself slowly. "I... I have no idea."

"Anyway, Buneary, please get into the Prone Bone position."

I do as he tells me to do, and soon after, I feel the weight of his knees shifting the mattress below me.

Then, his hands knead into my shoulders, neck and back. They pull, push and stretch the fibers of my muscles. My body heats up in response to the touch.

Fresh blood flows into my muscles. A pleasant feeling washes away even the little pains I didn't know I had. And knowing that it's my master who is causing it just makes it even better.

Each rub of his heavy hands over my shoulders sends shivers of pleasure deeper and deeper inside my body. I understand now why Salandit kept bragging about the massage.

My body becomes like putty in his hands... After another few seconds, I can feel a new sense of heat forming somewhere else. 

And with my face pressed into the mattress like this, I can't help but let my imagination wander. He has already pinned me down. His hands are already moving all over my body... It wouldn't be far-fetched if he... 

Continued even further...

But it doesn't happen.

Every time he rubs my back near my tailbone, I get excited and wait for it to finally begin... But nothing happens!

Eventually, he just slaps my bunn - my bunny butt - and says, "That should do it."

And then I turn around so he can take care of my chest and abs. Any moment now, he will put his hands on my stomach and do what he did for Salandit.

Any... second... now... 

"Welp." 'Get ready', is what he will say. "It's your turn, Salandit."

What!? "Wait!" A growl accidentally makes its way up my throat. "I want more!"

His face twists in thought. If I could read minds, I bet I would know that he reconsiders his decisions because he wants to do it just as much as I do... But I can't read minds. I can only hope he does that.

He swallows. The words 'alright' are at the tip of his tongue. And then his tips of his fingers are going to be at the entrance of my--

"Sorry." Sorry!? He said it calmly. "But today is just to get an edge in for tomorrow's fight. And what I told Salandit back then is true for you as well; It was only a reward for beating the gym."

This time, I'm not holding back my growling. He can't do that to me! Just tease me like that, and then stop!

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad." He makes the understatement of the day. "You big baby."

He coos in mockery before leaning down and kissing my forehead. Then he has the audacity to pick me up as if nothing was wrong!

But with his head so close to mine, I do the only sensible thing.

"Ouch! Fffuck!" He pulls me off and throws me to the bed. A coppery taste invades my mouth and gets my blood pumping. It's going to happen now! "Buneary. Return. And go calm down."

Suddenly, a bright red light comes from the premier ball on his belt. And the next moment, I'm stuck inside my pokeball.

... Nooo! No way! He sent me back into my pokeball! He was supposed to ravage me, not do that!

What the fuck?! Who does something like that?!

I smash my bed into pieces... It regrows.

What the fuck? I smash it apart once more... And it just regrows again.

That's... weird. And the inside of my pokeball has changed too! Now it's an all-white room with a marble floor, white plaster walls, and a red, human-sized bed. It all looks very luxurious.

It looks very comfortable, despite having been smashed into pieces two-- three times already.

I lie down on the bed.

How would I even escape a pokeball? Just walk out the door?

And then what? I--... I bit him pretty hard... He's going to be mad at me, won't he?

... Four times.

Damn it! I should have just listened to him! He's my trainer! He makes the decisions!

... Will he let me out again? I didn't want to bite him so hard...

Will I ever claim him? It's not even about sticking it to Salandit. I'm sure I can get her to back off after a good fight. But he is a human... They work differently. He keeps rejecting us. Humans don't consider pokemon to be part of their egg group.

Especially in modern times. Akari did mention pokemon and humans used to marry each other. But how do I get there without resorting to grape?

... That is a tricky question.

... All my ideas involve grapes.

... Heh. Some are pretty good, though... But still grape-flavored.

Wait. I think I have it!

He said he would only do something like it as a reward for beating the gym.

So I just need to be extra impressive! That way, I can request it as a reward--

Suddenly, I'm back on the bed with master. Just as instantaneously as I was transported into the pokeball, I moved back out again. I can see a band-aid wrapped around his ear. A Mean Look is plastered on his face... He doesn't know the move.

"Sorry..."

My voice was quiet. I could barely even hear myself. His Mean Look still crumbles away. "Did you calm down yet?" He asks.

The heat is still there, but the rage is gone. So I nod.

"Good. Let's go to sleep then, alright?"

The others have already made themselves comfortable on the bed and are only waiting for him and me before bed.

"Alright."

He settles in first, then Salandit steals far too much space of my spot, and Riolu goes to hers in the nook of his arm.

I'm still waiting. Shuffling around on same spot. Struggling to find the right words.

"Uhm... Master... Can I be the first to fight tomorrow?"

"No, sorry. The first pokemon to fight was set during registration, and--... And we forgot to do that! Oh no! I hope that won't cause any trouble! What if we are disqualified?!"

Why would they disqualify us? Wouldn't they just make a new appointment instead?

Salandit finds a better way to calm him down. "They would have called you on your phone if it wass an isssue."

"You're right... In that case, are you sure, Buneary? Usually, a trainer sends out the weakest pokemon first to chip away at the enemy strategically. And then, at the end, the ace comes out last to clean up."

Riolu begins quietly sobbing to herself. "Weakest... Oh, how far I have fallen..."

But I have a plan. "Mhm. I'm sure! Please!"

He looks at each of us. 

With mind reading, it would be obvious that he is considering the group dynamic as a first priority and not strategy. But alas, I am no mind reader. Thus I can only think that he thinks about how to optimize our damage output... I think.

In the end, he nods. "Alright. You're going first. Now let's go to sleep."

"Thanks!" And I take up the rest of the space of my spot... I don't feel like fighting Salandit about it right now.

"What'ss your plan?" She asks me when she notices that I don't fight back.

"To be the first."

"Obvioussly. I heard all that. I'm not deaf. What'ss your end goal with thiss?"

I'm stumped. To be first? Obviously... Oh! She thinks I was talking about the match order! Did I trick her?

"Why do you look like you just had an idea just now? Don't tell me you asked him to go first for no reason?"

I tricked her! Whose stupid now, huh!? She has no idea what I was planning! "I just felt like fighting sooner rather than later."

Ha! Idiot lizard! You imbecile! You're so stupid!

Salandit thinks about it some more before speaking up again. "... Good night. Weakest pokemon of our group."

"Good night." Riolu answers with a sad, rejected voice before I could come up with a response to the insult that was clearly aimed at me.

But Salandit now looks like she just stepped on an egg. The idiot lizard can't even insult me right.

"Good night, you two." I say. "And Riolu? I think you're going to grow up, and then you're going to be much stronger than Salandit! You're already a really strong hatchling!"

"I'm an adult..." She says with a sad voice once more.

"We should sstop." Salandit says. "It feels bad to bully a hatchling..."

"Yeah... Let's stop that."

Suddenly, two hands appear out of nowhere. One of them rudely grabs me and removes me from my spot!

"Grrr!"

"Hisss!" Salandit too.

"You two are swapping with Riolu tonight."

Damn it.