Prologue: Conqueror of Death

(A/N: A small disclaimer before you get to reading, this ff will have a lot of one-night (Probably) stands with different OP girls while the MC goes around doing his stuff. As for a proper romance, or if the ff ends up being a harem or not, that will be decided later on by my Patreon members. -Obnoxious winking-

Also, I got a bit philosophical about how I think immortals would see life while I was writing this prologue. I may have cooked or not, but I don't know. Judge by yourself.

Well, that's all. Enjoy the chapter)

°

…

Many people claim they want to be immortal.

Of course, immortality takes many forms. Some might live forever but can still be killed. Others won't die unless certain conditions are met. Then there are those who can't die no matter what happens and those who age but can't be killed during their natural lifespan.

There are probably even more variations, but most of the time, when people say they want immortality, they mean one of the latter two types:

But here's my question for those people: Would the price of immortality be worth it?

For me, the answer is simple: No.

And the reason?

I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my greatest enemy.

...

"I'm taking everyone down with me!"

-BOOOOM!!!-

...

-Sigh…-

How long have I been doing this?

At this point, I've lost track of it. A year? Two? A decade? A century?

Time has become meaningless, blurring together like a dream where everything happens and nothing makes sense.

Though. I guess that was the whole point of the Third Trial—to strip me of any sense of time.

Thankfully, I've grown used to this void. If I hadn't… well, I would've gone insane long ago.

...

"Put your gun down!"

-Bang, bang, bang!-

"It was a Nerf gun… Well, whatever."

...

Still, I can't help but wonder: how much longer do I have to endure this?

What's the point of this trial? After the last one, what meaning does this have?

What am I supposed to learn by reliving this again?

...

"Hey, give me all your money!"

"Alright, calm down, man. Here you g—"

"DIEEEE!!!"

-Stab!-

"Crazy fucker."

...

How does this trial differentiate from the last one in the slightest?!

It's the same fucking thing.

I got it already! No matter what I do, or what I accomplish, it doesn't matter after I die.

Wasn't that the learning I was supposed to internalize by doing this the last time?

So what's different this time?

What's the purpose of this endless repetition?

Is it to teach me that death can come in countless forms?

That every corner hides death, and no place is truly safe?

...

"Hey, what's that light in the sky?"

"Huh? Uh… It kinda looks like a meteo—"

-BOOOOM!!!-

...

Or maybe you're just screwing with me now, crazy God.

...

"Father, there's something I must tell you."

"What is it, son? Come closer, tell me."

-Stab!-

"I'm sorry, but I need that inheritance. I have a huge debt to pay."

"Huh… Should've told your mom to abort you back then… Never mind. I gave the inheritance to the cat. Enjoy being homeless, you little shit."

"FATHEEEEER!!!"

…

-Sigh…-

I'm tired of this.

I don't care about death anymore. Just let me rest.

I… just want to sleep. Forever.

…

..

.

—Huh? 

It stopped?

It actually stopped?

The chaos, the noise, the endless cycle of death—it all vanished, leaving behind an almost deafening silence.

Did I pass the Trial?

What did I do?

Is it something I said?

What was I even supposed to learn from it?

I don't even know what I learned!

[Child…]

Oh, it's you.

Did I make it?

[No. You failed.]

Oh.

Well, I guess this is it for me. So close, yet so far.

[Indeed. You are the only mortal to have made it this far. I congratulate you.]

… Thanks, I suppose. But does it even matter?

I'm dead already.

What's the point of feeling good about reaching the last step of the staircase but not the end of it?

-Sigh…-

I feel tired. Let me sleep.

[...]

All this trial business has worn me down.

I've already seen enough to know the kind of person I am.

Even if I became immortal, what would I have accomplished? And even if I did accomplish something… would it have mattered?

Probably not. Nothing does in the end.

So, just… send me off.

[... Do you not wish to know the purpose behind the last trial?]

I don't care. It's probably just more nihilist bullshit.

Just let me rest.

[...]

Please.

[Very well]

-Bam!-

Oh, so death is pure darkness, huh?

Good, because I don't like sleeping with the lights on.

[...]

Why so quiet all of a sudden? Are you disappointed that I failed?

[No... It's just... It's always sad to see a promising soul fade away.]

I guess so. But it is what it is.

[You've learned well.]

And for nothing in the end.

[...]

So… when does this "eternal rest" begin?

[Now. I just wanted one last talk with you.]

Much appreciated.

[...All right. Let your eternal rest begin.]

Finally.

[Farewell… and good luck]

Hmm, thanks?

-Tzzzz…-

Huh.

Huh. So, this is what it feels like to die while already being dead, huh?

It's funny, like I'm being shattered into a million pieces and then scattered into nothingness.

I wonder... is this what Thanos felt like when he got snapped away?

Hah. It's kind of ironic. Both of us died just before accomplishing our goals.

Although, my "goal" came much later. Specifically, after I died for the first time. Who would've thought that I'd get an offer to become immortal after dying?

If only I'd refused.

If only I'd been more cautious.

Ignorance is bliss, they say. And they're right.

I wish I'd stayed ignorant of the universe's cold indifference.

I wish I'd died as a human.

…

As for how I died? It wasn't anything dramatic. Just a heart attack—and at a damn young age, no less.

Was I angry about dying so early? Not really. That stopped mattering long ago.

After enduring the so-called "Trials of Immortality," a lot of things stopped mattering.

Shit… why did I ever accept that offer? 

Why did I think becoming immortal was a good idea?

Why did I go through so much shit, only to gain nothing in the end?

…

-Sigh…-

Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm dying now. That's all I want.

What I did, what I chose—it's meaningless now.

I already learned that lesson, didn't I? Back in the Second Trial, to be exact.

Fucking trials. They only got worse as they went on.

Who the hell came up with them?

Probably some psycho with way too much free time. An immortal, most likely.

One after another, each one stripped away another layer of who I was, until I was left like this—numb, broken, and hollow.

The First Trial? That was suffering incarnate. I still remember every excruciating moment… Accordingly, it was called the Trial of Suffering.

I was forced to relive every painful moment of my life—emotional and physical.

The deaths of loved ones. The times I fractured bones, and worse. The heartbreak, the disappointments. Even when my dogs died.

And yes, the heart attack that killed me was included.

I experienced all those moments, over and over, until I grew numb to the pain. That was the goal: to make me immune to suffering. Besides that, there was no philosophy to internalize, or lesson to learn.

It was just to make me numb to all sorts of suffering.

Once that was achieved, I moved on to the next trial.

The Trial of Shame.

This time, I had to face every mistake I ever made and every regret I carried into death.

Just like before, I relived those moments repeatedly until I became numb to them too—until I accepted that they couldn't be undone.

It sounds simple, doesn't it? But truly internalizing it is something else entirely.

By the point I passed the trial, which took me quite a while, it wasn't wrong to say I had become numb to most things life could throw at me.

Or so I thought.

The next was the Trial of Eternity.

It was deceptively simple.

I was left in complete darkness and silence for what felt like an eternity.

The wait was at first painful. Being left with my thoughts and my thoughts only allowed for certain issues to resurface, and unknown feelings to appear.

At first, it was maddening. Being alone with nothing but my thoughts dredged up all kinds of buried emotions. Regrets I thought I'd let go of resurfaced, and my mind spiraled into endless "what ifs."

What if I'd made different choices? What if I'd taken another path?

But eventually, enough time passed. I grew numb to the silence, accepted the flow of time, and stopped caring.

Things were what they were, and even if I didn't like them, there was nothing I could do about them. Much like the passage of time.

With that line of thought, I let myself float along the current, waiting endlessly until I moved on to the next trial.

The Trial of Illusion.

That one was the worst one of all.

It showed me every possible life I could've lived—and every possible death I could've had.

Imagine experiencing every version of yourself across a multiverse of possibilities. Every. Single. One.

I witnessed the cycle of life and death at its finest.

I saw my life as a millionaire, as a famous actor, as a renowned doctor, as a homeless guy, as a serial killer, as an activist, as a policeman, as a politician, as a professional athlete, as a physical culturist, as a president, as a hitman, as a soldier, as a teacher, as a firefighter, as a human trafficker, as a programmer, as a businessman, as a psychopath… I saw all of them.

That's when I realized the truth:

No matter what I did, what I accomplished, how my life turned out to be in the end… it all amounted to nothing when dying.

And that was the answer.

The meaning of life and death was but an illusion.

They just exist. And so do we.

I lived. I died. That's all there is to it.

There was no one to judge my crimes, nor anyone to praise my achievements in the afterlife. No one to mourn me, and no one to hate me.

All my desires and fears were meaningless.

Everything was meaningless.

And that understanding led to the final trial: The Trial of the Unknown.

It was identical to the Trial of Illusion.

I relived all those lives and deaths again, over and over. The only difference being that this time… I failed.

And as for the meaning or moral that I was supposed to learn…?

Honestly? I couldn't care less.

The answer was probably more nihilistic nonsense about how nothing matters.

But at this point, I don't care anymore.

-Tzzzzzz…-

I'm about to die.

I can finally leave this meaningless reality. A reality that simply exists, just because it does.

I can finally stop being what I am, and be what I was.

Tsk, I sound so stupid.

But now that I think about it… my life wasn't that different from all this nihilist bullshit, right?

I only lived because I had to.

I worked hard because I had to.

I studied because I had to.

My goal was just to keep existing, just because I had no choice.

Sure, there were good moments, but looking back now… I can see it for what it truly was: a life without purpose.

A life without meaning.

I thought at some point that meaning would show up.

I thought that meaning would come and give me something to strive for—something that would give me peace of mind once my final breath came.

But now I know it was all a lie. There was never any meaning, and there never would be.

Not for me. Not for anyone.

We all lived to die, and nothing else.

It may be a sad ending, but it's the ending all the same.

And nothing, nothing could change that...

…No matter how much we tried.

Now, with my end finally approaching, I can accept it.

Finally, I can escape from this horrible story that's called life.

I'm finally free...

...

...

...

...

..

..

..

..

..

.

.

.

.

… Huh…

But as I lay there, about to fade into nothingness, I can't help but wonder…

Does it really matter that life doesn't have a universal meaning?

Things are what they are, and nothing more. That much I've learned from the trials.

However, that doesn't mean that things can't be what I want them to be, even if it is only on my mind.

Who cares what the universe thinks? Let it stay meaningless if it wants. I don't care.

-Badump-

As for me, I'm going to do things my way now.

-Badump-

I lived such a shitty, useless life, didn't I?

-Badump-

It had its good points here and there, but it could've been better.

-Badump-

I could have been better.

-Badump!-

I could've accomplished so much.

-Badump!-

I could've tried so many things.

-Badump!-

I could've enjoyed so many things.

-Badump!-

I could've known so many people.

-Badump!-

And yet, I died young.

-Badump!-

Such a brief existence… and I wasted it.

-Badump!-

So many regrets. So many chances I could've fixed.

-Badump!-

Time…

-Badump!-

If only I had more time…

-Badump!-

Pain, regret, time, life, and death... I want to experience them all again.

-Badump!-

I don't care that I've already seen every possible outcome.

-Badump!-

I want to suffer again.

-Badump!-

I want to enjoy again.

-Badump!!-

I want to live again.

-Badump!!-

And… 

-Badump!!!!!-

I want to give my life a meaning of my own.

-Badump!!!!!-

…

[Congratulations, you conquered Death]

…

Wut?

…

°

°

°

|An unknown amount of time later, in a different place…|

…

"Oi, are you dead?"

-Thud!-

"Oi, answer me."

-Thud!-

"Worthless slave, I only pushed you a little bit, and you're already dead? I wasted my money on you!"

-Thud!-

"Ack-!"

"Huh? You're alive?"

-Cough, cough…!-

"What, I thought you were dead… Well, whatever. Come on, slave, continue carrying me. We're still midway to the house."

"Wh—who are you? Where am I?!"

"Are you stupid?"

"I...I was dead... How come I'm alive again? And who the fuck are you?!"

"Shit, I bought a defective product… And father won't buy me another slave until next month... Fuck!"

-Thud!-

"Argh!"

"Useless trash… Hey, slave number two, carry me instead."

"..."

"Good, good. Oh, and slave number three. Carry him to the house... And don't forget to teach him his responsibilities as my possession when we arrive."

"... Urgh... Fuck…"

"He became stupid all of a sudden. I would usually kill him for that, but since I won't get another slave until next month, I'll hold back a bit this time."

-Cough, cough!-

"Now, let us resume our stroll."

"Huff... Huff… What the fuck is happening?"

"And shut him up. I don't want his squealing to hurt my precious ears. I've already been lenient enough to forgive his insolence of almost dropping me—a Tenryuubito, who is like a god compared to you lowlives—while in the duty of carrying me."

"Ten—ryuubito, you said?!"

"Hurry up!"

"Hey, sorry about this…" (whisper)

"What?"

-Thud!!-

…

-To be continued-