An Inevitable Decision
"How?" asked Felix, impatiently.
"But I won't. You are a nobody to receive explanations from me" she carelessly stated. "I am a NOBODY, (Memory Nutriment) has destroyed hundreds of nobody" he was losing his patience. "THAT SAVED YOU" shouted Ophelia.
He smashed the table between them to the other corner of the room and stood up with such a speed that his hair spread all over his forehead. She also rose to her feet in fright and instinctively moved backward. "Memory Nutriment can't save anyone; it's made to be the agent of destruction. Memories and the past are nothing but garbage and filth. What is the point in recalling the things that you have done BEFORE, remembering the experiences that you have had BEFORE" he blurted out. His face resembled the color of fire. She was taken aback by his reaction, he seemed to her a man with patience, although this was the opposite. This was as unexpected for Felix as for her, he regretted his actions and pushed his hair back. After coming back to his senses and gaining patience he pleaded with a comparatively low voice "You said that you could prove it. How would I be able to know what is the truth if your attitude remained the same?"
"You believe my words or else I have nothing more to say" wiping the water from her eyes, she went to the other corner of the room and pretended to examine the things while hiding the tears. Why do tears speak what we cannot? Why don't they stay back when we want them to? Maybe because if we were able to control our tears, we won't let them fall ever. It's a beauty that we can't control some things, we cannot conceal some things. Maybe they were made to fall, perhaps every time they fall—when we don't need them to—they express something that without them, we would be unable to explain. Without tears, there won't be many beautiful emotions left. No matter how much we try to hide the tears from a lie, they come from the world of truth. Eyes, which never lie, are the universe where they are synthesized. If the background of something is based on reality or truth, how can it be a lie? How? Ophelia was well aware of the power of tears; she knew that they could tell Felix those things which she didn't intend to. She moved away because of this, but tears didn't stop; they came from the long-lost past. Past was what she never forgot. He observed her with utter surprise since his initial view of her he had concluded that she was different. He wanted to convince her further, but something prevented him. Deep inside of his heart, something forbade him.
He ended up taking a break from convincing her, his stomach was growling so he found it as a plus point to avoid her and made lunch for himself. When he came back to the room with a plate in his hands she was still sitting where he had left her. He looked at her as if she wanted it. But the look on her face told him many things and the first one was (You are stupid). He admitted to being stupid and told her with the same look. It wasn't his fault, anyone who could see her would have presumed her to be a real human, not just a soul. The image of his mother's face entered his head, and he immediately regretted even thinking of her as anything other than a rival. His expressions got worse, the easiness that was there on his face was just for some moments. The origin of his consideration was the pain of Ophelia, he sensed it. If he listened to his heart that would say she is not acting but if he listened to his brain that would remind him of the double-faced attitude of beings. As for now, he was in no mood to let his heart command his actions. His mind was certain that she deserves no mercy. In the midst of this, his expression hardened.
After finishing dinner and completing the prolonged conscious avoidance phase, he went toward her and sat at the opposite place. She was still observing things present on his bed-side table with intense attention "They haven't changed much" he heard her mumbling and asked, "What did you say?". At this point she realized that he was sitting across from her, she didn't see him coming.
"Nothing" she replied "Listen you really need to put an end to this" he pleaded once more. "I've told you Mr. …" she looked at him questioningly "Felix" he abruptly said and she continued "Felix…yes, Mr. Felix I've told you previously not to ask me this again, you are unaware of the reality. Don't poke your nose in the things which you yourself don't know every detail about" "You, young people can be easily directed anywhere. You don't seem to have a brain of your own. One day you'll start speaking out against poverty and the other day against pollution. Your agendas and passions shift hues more quickly than a chameleon".
"You should tell me then, why don't you?". She didn't say a word but sighed and went away from his vision, toward the window and from there, outside, leaving a mild breeze and a sweet fragrance "Dammit" Felix punched the wall. On coming outside, she looked in every direction, the town was still hers, and she found it almost the same. The view from there was more pretty by the pitch-black night from which the full moon radiated its sparkling light. Everything was the same in nature. Nature doesn't change. The trees, the flowers, the grass, the sky, the moon, the darkness of night nothing seemed to have changed. She sat on the grass with her back to the tree watching the full moon. Who knows how long she had been missing such beauty? She stretched out her arm in the air, and the moonlight passed through it, giving her a unique sensation. Even though she was aware that she was dead, the sensation of the glinting light on her arm made her happy. She closed her eyes and felt the non-existing feeling wholeheartedly. It appeared that someone had put a bandage on her brutally opened wounds. Although the pain never dies, it can be lessened. Her pain didn't die either, though being alone for some time with just nature by her side made her a bit relieved. No one was there to lessen it forever. Those beings are fortunate who have people in their lives that know the meaning behind the unspoken words, the pain our eyes hold back, the agony of each breath that tells us that we are not dead, that there is more to come. Both happy and sad things. That really is a blessing to have such a person in this painful life.
Days passed, but Ophelia never returned. She was nowhere to be found despite Felix's best efforts to find her. He thought that she will eventually come back after some days, though she didn't. For the first couple of days, he waited, but when she didn't arrive, he felt anxious about her attitude. But this time he was compelled to end this. He worked days and nights to awake the long-sleeping souls of the people of his town. He visited houses and houses to make them aware of the severity of the situation.
An old man almost lifeless opened the door.
"Uncle James… please pay attention this is a serious matter" Felix requested but he did not listen, James simply replied "Child, why are you saying this out of the blue. This is the issue…I mean with young people like you, they can easily be provoked by any new idea. Their spirits can easily be raised, but that's not it" "Not again this thing Uncle James" he muttered but James stopped him and continued with a dull voice "Digesting the facts, I can't help you. My wife will die if I forbade her from using (Memory Nutriment). She is unable to endure the suffering that our older son caused by permanently leaving us. He died; you see. It's not as easy as you think". A pair of blue eyes was watching the two of them from some distance. He shut the door with wrinkled hands but Felix stopped him "What about your daughter and your younger son, they need you" James slammed the door with disgust on his face.
"Aunt Rose you should understand me at least" he almost begged, she just smiled in return and shut the door. Many doors were shut on his face. With every door that shut, it slapped him very hard, right at the heart. Yes, at the heart. Days and days went by with no results. He was aware that none of this would go as planned before beginning, but he still held out hope that maybe just one person would pay attention to him but no one did. With every door that shut with sometimes a loud creak and sometimes a low scream his animosity for Ophelia increased. Anxiety found its home in him, and he was familiar with it though the level increased day by day. His routines got worse, everywhere was darkness and no guidance. He even got sick for some days due to severe stress. He was fortunate that it occurred when his mother was getting her routine checkups. The doctor also treated him and advised him to take a break from everything—even from his thoughts—for a week. From behind the doors and beneath the bed, from the sides of windows sapphire eyes watched him, with a bunch of questions in them. The eyes were finding the truth and they almost found it.
The moon had always been her best friend, the bearer of all her secrets. The only one in her life who never abandoned her, who listened to her no matter what she had to say. Who never questioned her actions and always sprinkled his light on her.
"You know, now someone else is also going to be aware of our secrets. You don't want anyone to know this other than us, right? But I am tired and have no choice. I need to clear this muck that was scattered decades ago. I want the end of this, I honestly do" she wiped her tears, her non-existent heart was hurting. It is not easy to face past, that we've left and locked in far corners. It's not easy to forget it too. Maybe, the button to forget things were never in our authority.
Felix was a living truth, and his actions were evidence of that. She convinced herself after observing him for weeks that he deserves to know the truth, he is capable of knowing it. Then, perhaps, he would understand.
His body temperature was not dropping. His spirits, on the other hand, were extremely low. He wanted his temperature and spirits to take each other's role. Nothing was in his hands, lying on a bed shivering and coughing, nothing was in his hands. No one was there to take proper care of him, so he had to attend to himself and his mother too on his own. Life felt stuck and slow to him those days. He was brewing tea for himself in the kitchen coughing frequently when she appeared. Felix turned around with a kettle and a cup in his hands and their eyes met, causing him to nearly trip. The spoon in the cup fell off to the ground leaving a clanging sound all over the house. Ophelia advanced to stop it from falling but backed away with comprehension. She left him lost for words at their first meeting, but he wasn't lavished with a plethora of speeches at their second meeting either. After a minute of astonishment, he composed himself and his distressed eyes narrowed in dislike. He saw nothing change in her but for her, he had changed from head to toe. Although she was watching him, meeting in person was a different thing. He appeared sick, worn out, and distressed. He didn't let her dive deeper into her thoughts and broke the ice "Why are you here now?" she cleared her throat and said, "I've decided that maybe you need to know the truth". Felix raised his eyebrows dramatically "And what made you come to this point" "This is none of your business, you should be grateful to me". He wanted to tease her and know the reason behind this sudden change of decision but restrained himself and simply said "Ok"
They both came to the lounge and were seated at their respective seats (at opposite chairs). No one prescribed it for them, they were the ones who did. A huge distance was between them. Ophelia saw the rotten plants on the window pane behind Felix's couch. She felt irritated to see the plants like that. But the whole house was reflecting the interests of its residents in cleaning and organization. He sipped the tea while his gaze was set on Ophelia. She fumbled for words and incidents, where to start and what to leave was a difficult decision. His gaze was somewhat disturbing so she began with the first thing that came to her mind. "Mr. Felix, I am only telling this because you've convinced me of your spirits and enthusiasm, and I think you need the truth. But my only condition for this is that you must acknowledge all of this as right. This is not easy for me but if I don't tell you, you won't be able to see the reality. You'll be spared to the shadows of lies—as you are now—for the rest of your life. I can totally comprehend that you've many reasons to declare me a liar. That's why we can't decide things by simply negotiating. I have some proof, not exactly I have them NOW, but I know where they will be. That will clear the path for your unbiased opinions". He didn't say a word, just listened. But now that she was looking at him, he felt himself in the position to speak. His mind and heart were always on the battlefield. His mind told him to see her every move skeptically and don't ever trust her. Comparatively, his heart was compelled onto making him believe in her. He neither listened to his mind nor to his heart and found a way in between. He ended up acting as if he trusts her, but never actually did.
"All right, I believe you, show me then".
"I don't have it now, I told you…" she looked outside the window "…and this isn't the appropriate time, it's late at night" before he could say something she stuttered "Is there still…a lib…rary, The Pensive…Library?"
"Yes".
"The proof's there".