confusing and hurting

( Tuesday ,August , 8 ,2023 )

it has been a while, almost two weeks. I decided to visit him again today.

I was waiting here for a long short while, but he didn't show up , it is already 1:55:12 PM , I was looking at a pink doll that has I love you on it .

All of a sudden, i felt like he was here, as it felt suddenly intense . it is weird.

when I look at my right. there he was looking at me , he was at the room that had a warning sign, - No one enter -

His stood still ,like he was commanded not to more.

, i feel my breath got stuck , my heart beat faster, un-easy take over me , he mealt my frozen heart as it start to beat faster while looking into his eyes. he has on all over black today , which made him look so breathtaking as I surely can't breath , maybe i forgot how to.or he just took all the oxygen away , how can he be so greedy, God make oxygen for everyone everything but everytime he is around he takes it all to himself, he is clearly selfish.

With white skin, beautiful pink lip, black eyes , that shine bright and perfect hair styles an color , his height is just right. I won't change anything about him.

He looks absolutely handsome in black .

many times, i come in here with all over black, but this time is the second time, i wear a pink top with a v neck, a deep blue pans, and a black trover , with a black high-heal with white sparkles. A silver earrings that had [ LOVE ] on it

Oh, by the way , I changed my hair color from brown to black. This is the first time I put color in my hair as my natural hair color is golden brown like Amanda and kesha.

I have been doing some shopping too. However, I think I got pretty used to black, too .

We stood there for a few seconds, there was something new I noticed, it wasn't about how handsome he looks in black , well I noticed that too but there was something else in his eyes and there was some sort of expression on his face , like he was caught like he did something that he didn't want anyone to know , he even seems surprised that I was here . What was there to be surprised about ?

However, it was too tens that and it made me felt so uneasy that , I felt like If I don't walk away something will happen , but I want something to happen then why I walk away. , why every time this happens, my foot always acts on its own , why do I always walk away , however I don't have time to question myself.

I met the woman at the cashier and paid for the popsicle that I was eating.

I texted mom and told her, " I will be back later." She said okay, and I left .

I didn't know where I was going, but I just had this feeling that something wasn't right .

However, the more I think about his expression on his face , I get more curious about what happened in that room .

I turn back as curiosity got the best of me .

I walked back in and headed to the door to my surprise. The door was open, and I saw a girl seated there she was looking to they right side and talking to someone while smiling

I turned back and pretended to be looking at something else. However, I stay close ,

she came out after a while. Then he came by the door where she was , looking at his phone i thought maybe they were just friends. And everything is okay.

But I can't deny he looks really handsome in black , so I decided to take a few photos of him . He doesn't even notice I am out here .

Just then, she came back , no matter how much curious I am I couldn't stand to here and listen to them , well I couldn't hear them as my heart was beating like a drum in my ears .

they way he look at me Earlier made me a suspicious that something was going on it was just the two of them maybe they did something when he came out before he was looking me maybe the did something and he didn't want me to know about it but maybe they are just friends., I keep thinking while I walk out .

he meets a lot of girls from two different countries. i don't think he falls for someone so ugly, then I walk out again.

But lovie did say that a guy will not love you because of your looks but because of your heart . Your personality and so on.

God, for once, I don't wanna believe her .

Not wanting to think about it . I stood outside and sighed helplessly.

when I came back in , he was in a seat at the cashier.

I really wanted to talk to him , so i walked in and took a few snacks and then walked back to the cashier as he added everything and then said how much was for it .

he wasn't mindful of talking to me . It sink in my chest, and it hurt this give me 98% that something happened in there, and we were so close yet so far, and they way he was avoiding looking at me hurts

I hate they way he was making every around me go silent that i can only hear my heartbeat, which is breaking

I felt shy. i felt like a fool who could never see they truth as soon paid him , i picked it the bages that he packed and walked away very quickly...

my heart beat plays like a beating bang, which is broken

Then i heard a lady saying you forgot your change until then, i realized .. I walk away without my money , they way my heart beat was ring in my ears till i couldn't hear when she call for me until on but how she chuckled i could tell she probably been calling out for me for sometime now .

I went back, and he gave me the change. While doing so, he looked at me in my face, but not for long. However, I noticed it.

Is this some one of his games to see if I liked him

Something clicked in my mind .

I need more advice from Dwayne. However , the last advice didn't work as now, instead of missing me, I found him with someone else.

Howere , i need to play it cool and pretend I don't care like I really, really don't .. I already tried everything else. To make him keep his eyes on me only .

I need to play it cool, not run away every time I see him or act hurt every time I see him with those girls or act jealous.

Why am I want to be the only one he has eyes for if I don't like him like that ? It is just selfish.

Why do I have to be so obsessed with him

Ahhh , it's so confusing... and hurting