Chapter 6: Unrequited

"Wait! Mrs. Jeon!"

But the hallway's empty and the strong head lady is nowhere in sight. Shin grips her hand tightly and nearly jolted when she felt the crumpling of the card. She examined it once more, and not surprisingly, it contains the most strange writings. No name, whatsoever. It only contains an address and Mrs. Jeon's phone number.

Shin begins to feel a little peculiar about the offer. Who gives someone a job without doing some background check, and to someone she once seen as a lousy employee? Mrs. Jeon is radically absurd.

"Shin! Jesus, I was looking all over for you! What are you doing here?!"

Alex was rushing to get to where she's at. Shin hides the card inside her pocket. Alex has this attitude of being inflated whenever she's being daunted and the moment he got to know about Mrs Jeon, he'll definitely billow. He's gone way too protective of her and it grows a bit choking now.

"I-I was looking for the restroom. But I lead myself into the fire exit." she restlessly chuckled.

"Are you sure? You look a bit anxious." Alex asked concernly.

"Yeah. Of course. The fireworks suddenly blows right in front of me. I'm just a bit startled. I need to go, Alex. Food service is almost up."

"My work's done. I can wait for you."

"No, it's okay. You go home and rest. I'll be working until midnight."

Alex shook his head fast. He's again being insistent and Shin sighed in repulsion.

"No, I insist. It's too dangerous for a girl like you to go home alone and especially at midnight. I will stay in the newsroom until the party's over. Just knock me there, okay?"

"What danger are you talking about? We're not little kids anymore, Alex. I can surely take care of myself," she bluntly expressed her long kept sentiments.

Alex grows to be a little controlling and Shin was uncomfortable at some point. She's a grown woman now and somehow building a wall towards other people is needed but Alex couldn't seem to get it. He still treats her like a child. There's not a day that he'd walk her through the store before, even if it would take him a few blocks to reach his workplace. He seems like he's enjoying it but it's the opposite for her.

"Why are you so rude? I'm just trying to protect you, Shin." Alex reaction was puzzling.

"Look, I am thankful for this job, Alex, but sometimes I need my space. I need to go now. I'll see you tomorrow."

"But, Shin---"

He stood there watching her drift away. She doesn't know it because he's not planning to confess anytime soon. He loves her. Not being a sister or a friend. He loves her because she brought sunshine everytime she smiles, bringing the sun to light up the gray.

But on Alex's part, being in love is painful because the love is not mirrored the same way for Shin. The pain comes from fear and the need to feel loved, nurtured and protected - as he wish for her to give that love in return but obviously cannot. He wants to 'come home' but aren't sure if it is home, because for her, he's just a friend. A shoulder she can lean on during trying times, not a lover to comfort during cold, sad days. Thus, it's so easy for her to break him.

Alex's keeping the feeling for too long, so long, it wanted to burst. He didn't even know when it started. It's just one ordinary day, when suddenly, butterflies fly by everytime he catches her eyes. Shin is so pretty and is unaware of it. Her simpleness is something that makes her even more beautiful. And still, she doesn't even know it.

Sad and silently bleeding inside, Alex doesn't know if that stage should ever pass, either they get together or the time will come to just walk away and move on. He wanted the former, but it's so obvious for the latter.

_________________________________________________________________

"How was it? Do you like your new doll, Yeori-a?"

Yeori nods a little. She combs the doll's thin hair as she gradually looks on it. She took it up and place it near Shin's eyes.

"Yes. But why is this doll a bit cross eyed, Auntie?" the child asked innocently.

Shin grabs the doll fast into Yeori's hands. She was in a hurry to get the last bus last night and just grabbed the doll so quickly without checking on it. She chuckled loud when she gets to see it clearly.

"Ah, you're right, Yeori-a. This is the weirdest doll I've ever seen."

Yeori laughs more harder and Shin was moved by the little girl's soft giggles. Yeori is her fortress, her pillar of hope, her strength. There is steadiness to her, as if all the storms in the world were a whispering breeze if she was there. She was born to the world to give meaning to her unfortunate fate. If not for Yeori's existence, she never knew where life and it's cruelty had taken her.

That deep thinking made her smile so sweet without her knowing it, but quickly fades when Eunice entered their house. She looks awful and thinner than before. She just gave Yeori a pat on head and went ahead to her room.

"Eonni, wait! We need to talk!" Shin quickly stood up to follow Eunice.

Mrs. Kim, who's in the kitchen, felt the broiling conformation between the sisters. She quickly went to Yeori before facing Shin. "I'll take Yeori to my house for a while," she said. "Yeori-a, my cat, Charles is sad and alone at my house. You wanna pet him?" she then asked Yeori.

Yeori nods fast and Shin was alleviated. She's tired to see her sister looking like hell everytime she comes home and if the conformation goes a little way out of hand, she don't want Yeori to hear any of it.

"Eonni, we have to talk! she again called after closing the door.

"God, Shin! Why the hell are you yelling so early in the morning? Don't you have work today?" Eunice annoyingly blurted back.

"Since when are you concerned about my job?" Shin spats back. "My job is not the main concern here. It's you, Eonni! What the hell are you doing with yourself?! I stand seeing you come home like that! Tell me, is there something wrong? I will help you in any way I can."

Eunice throws herself in the bed acting like she's not interested to hear the things that troubles her sister. She rests her head up and meet Shin's concerned stares.

"I know it's not my business to ask about your personal life. But I don't know what's going on anymore, Eonni! Why are you always out? What are those bruises? I'm worried for you. And I don't know how to help because you're not saying anything to me! You're keeping everything from me! Yeori needs you, Eonni! Can't you see? She needs her mother."

She's not confrontational. She hates being rude to everyone especially to her own sister. But Eunice pushed her limit, she cannot get ahold of the pains of being lied and left out anymore. She bursted like a firecracker, once it's fired up, she cannot stop the cracks.

Eunice deeply sighed and faces her. Shin can't see any pity on her sister's eyes. It was blank and hazy. Eunice speaks in frustration rather than being sorry.

"What's the matter with you? Why are so so being dramatic?" Eunice asked in annoyance. "You want to know why I'm always out? It's because I'm looking for a new job with higher salary grade! I'm not like you, Shin! I don't accept job that only pays! I want security. What are these bruises? I'm anemic and it goes way severe because I lack sleep. I don't sleep because I wanted that job so bad I'm doing everything to get it!"

"Eonni..."

"I know we're a burden to you because I can't even help you with bills and all. Don't worry, you'll be free from this mess and headaches soon! I'm fixing everything and once all are settled, we are moving out. I'm taking Yeori with me."

Shin was bewildered by the shocking reveal. She shook her head so fast and is not accepting every words Eunice throwed at her. "What?! No! No one is moving out! No way! What are you talking about?!" she tearfully muttered.

The gaslighter Eunice was not even moved. Shin was shattered seeing the still expression on her sister's eyes and plainly watching her sitting helplessly, voiceless, without anyone to confide. It's as if she puts her heart in a tiny cage. The moment Eunice returned back to Seoul, she buried her past as if she buried a dead person down in the grave. And now it goes a little too much for Shin. Eunice came back and she's planning to leave again. She can't lose Yeori. She won't allow it.

"You're not a burden, Eonni. I can work for us. I don't care if I take three jobs or more. Just stay. Please don't take Yeori away from me. I love her with all my heart," Shin panickly sobs. The hurting is once again present and she finds it hard to speak fighting the falling tears. "I'm your only sister. I'm your only family left. Why is it so easy for you to leave me and everything behind?" she continuously sobs.

The wounds of the past strikes back like a firebolt. Shin was stricken as the memories of the past visited once more. She was bawling her heart out of fear and longingness, she's calling for Eunice, but she never came. It's scary as hell. Thinking about it happening again is breaking her apart. For there are days when her brain and body becomes a cold fire and when she's alone, who is she going to call? Her life in an endless battle and she cannot win it without Yeori on her side.

"Seriously, are you really be this substantial? No wonder you're lonely, Shin. Because you depend your happiness into other people's life. Yeori is my daughter and wherever I go, she's coming with me. Go out of your shell. Find someone. Date someone. Make your own family so you won't feel miserable when we're gone. Whether you like it or not, Yeori and I will not be by your side all your life. I know it sucks, but you have to accept it. That reality, Shin."

Eunice looked away, stone hearted as she is, but she can't stand seeing her sister crumble in dejection. As to Shin, she'd never this pitiful with her own self. She thought she's doing fine but her life was full of panic attacks and crushing loneliness. It felt shameful. It felt like failure and rejection. It felt as if the heavens had labelled her defective. Will she ever find that calm and peaceful centre? If there was a new perspective, where is it? And when?

....