Chapter 14 - Hate

For the next few days, it was only me, my dad and uncle Wen. We didn't talk about mom. She tried to talk to me through skype, WhatsApp. Several times. I never picked up her calls. I blocked her number. I don't know if she told dad about it because he never encouraged me to talk to her. What upset me was that, he directed all his stress and sadness to his job as a lecturer. I could tell that he's overworking himself. Me and uncle Wen do everything we could to keep him happy. I just feel so lost…..

Even though I talk to Min Joon from time to time, our relationship can't be defined as friendship. It was more like…. acquaintances. And I can't be visiting Dan-Oh's mart at odd hours. Uncle Wen has a pretty strict timetable, now that dad's still recovering from his….state.

'Min Joon!', I called one day during a break.

It was a break time for him too and he was talking with two of his friends.

I saw him mouth 'be back', to the one with spectacles and came my way.

'What is it?', He asked. Today he was wearing a dark green jacket over a white shirt and black jeans.

'You know that project week is coming up right?', I asked him.

Project week is a sort of fund-raising activity. The entire university participates in it. That's how we fund our end of year concert. The organising committee usually sets the date for the concert and then arranges the project week like a month before the set date. The students of the two schools, art and architecture could either collaborate with each other and come up with stuff or else work with people in the same school. Then, we sell the things we created and collect the money. I usually never participate in it because if I did, I'm sure to end up alone. But this time…

'Yeah', Min Joon said leaning against the window with his hand in his pockets, 'What about it?'.

'I was thinking if we could collaborate and come up with something?', I asked him.

'Mae, I'm new here', He said, 'I don't want to start participating in stuff this early'.

'Please', I begged, 'I've never participated in these things'.

'Why don't you just do it with your own friends?' He asked, irritated.

'I don't have any friends', I replied quietly, 'It's fine if you think it's irritating or if you think working with someone like me spoils your image. I'll not participate this year too'.

I started walking away.

'Mae, wait!', I heard him shout. I ignored him. I just wanted us to be friends.

'Sun- no-Mae!'

I paused in shock. People in the corridor around me were starting to stare.

I turned to face him, 'What did you call me?'

'What-no, that was just a slip of tongue', He said walking to me, 'I think I'm not feeling well'.

'No!', I insisted, 'You were about to call me some other name, what was it?'

'I told you, I'm not feeling well', He said with a hand on his forehead.

'No it wasn't', I said quietly, 'You were about to call me Sun-Hee'.

'Mae, what are you talking abo-'

He suddenly doubled over with both his hands covering his ears.

I bent to support him, 'You're remembering'.

'No', I heard him mutter, 'Stop…'

His friends came running over at the sight of him. People were surrounding us in the already crowded corridor.

'Do you remember your name?', I asked as his friends supported him, 'Jae-Sung?'.

He gave a gasp and fell on his knee. His nose was bleeding.

'What are you telling him?!', His spectacled friend yelled at me, 'Just stop it! He's in pain can't you see?'

He made no effort to get up as his friends pulled at his sleeves.

'No, I need-', I said, 'Min Joon, you remembered my name. I get dreams too, you're just a late bloomer I guess. Just keep thinking. Uh, Sakura! Just think of Sakura, Hoseok, Soochul and uh…. Taeh-'

'Stop it!', He shouted getting up. Everyone suddenly went silent.

'Just stop it!', Min Joon said, 'I don't know you! Or-or whatever you were telling me! You know why people don't talk to you?'

I backed away, afraid of what he might say. People were just watching us and it made me feel so uncomfortable.

'Because you're crazy!', He yelled, 'If it wasn't for you talking to me, I would've ignored you too. Ever since I met you-Just leave me alone! Keep your crazy dreams to yourself! You're delusional, you need a doctor Mae. I-don't-like-you. So stop following me around and let me be!'

He gave me one last stare and walked away. His friends looked at me with disgust before following him out.

'What was he saying-'

'Dreams'

'She's crazy, I don't even know her name'

'Ugh, to think she even thought she had a chance with him'

'What was she thinki-'

I heard people mutter things among themselves while slowly dispersing away.

I could feel myself going red. Blood pounded in my ears and before I knew tears were trickling out.

What have I done? I just wanted him to remember….I hurt him didn't I?

There was blood. Red blood.

I gave a small stifled sob and ran out. People stared at my back as I ran out. I pushed through crowds until I found the place I left my bag. I had one more calligraphy lecture before the day was done. But I didn't care any longer.

He called me crazy in front of an entire group of people.

His words, "I don't like you", echoed in my head.

I cried harder as I ran down a corridor to the entrance. My bag clutched in my arms. I was just taking a turn when I bumped hard onto someone and fell down.

'Mae?!', Dad asked, bending down to help me up, 'Mae what's wrong?'

He saw my tear blotched face and gasped in shock.

'Baby, what happened?', He reached out a hand to wipe my tears.

I was so angry and ashamed of myself and-and Min Joon.

I slapped his hand away, 'Leave me alone! Nobody cares about what I go through! All I ever do is help people with their problems and when it comes to me there's no one!'

I yelled at him. I didn't mean to but my frustration burst out with no control.

'I hate mom! I hate everything!', I screamed, picking up my bag and rushing out.

I could barely hear dad calling out to me but I didn't stop. I didn't want to.

This was the second time being shamed in public in both my lives. But I still wasn't used to it. I ran past the Osmanthus tree to the pavement. I didn't feel a bit of tiredness as I ran home. When I finally arrived I rushed in and straight up to my room.

I collapsed in a heap on my bed and broke out in fresh tears.

'Hyun?', I heard uncle Wen's voice downstairs.

And then his phone rang. I heard his hurried conversation with my dad.

'Hyun-? Yeah, I'm at home. Mae?! Wha- ya, I heard her and thought it was you. Yes, yes! I will-don't worry!'

I heard his feet pounding up the steps in a hurry.

'Mae?', Uncle Wen burst into my room.

I cuddled into my blankets and refused to show my face.

He pulled the blankets out of my hands and pulled me onto his lap.

'Sweetheart what happened?', He asked full of concern, 'Did anyone hurt you? Let me look at you, there's a good girl'.

After inspecting me a while longer he immediately took a call to dad. I was still shivering and crying on his shoulder and he wrapped the blanket around me. I felt so embarrassed, letting someone fuss over me like I was a kid. But I also needed his comfort. Mom should be the one to do this, help me out-

Thinking of that made me cry again.

'Hyun, I checked. No no, she's fine. There's nothing on her. Someone must've told her something. I'll see. Yeah, forward me his number will you? Thanks'.

He kept his phone away and hugged me closer. I clenched his shirt in my hands and buried my face in his shoulder.

'Ah Mae, sweetheart', He said, 'Can you tell me what happened? Hm?'

'M-min-Joon, r-remembered', I managed to choke out, 'C-called me crazy in f-front of e-everyone. H-he said, h-he doesn't l-like me'.

'He said that?!', Uncle Wen said, 'To you?! ' To my Ah Mae?'

I nodded.

'I'm going to burn down that brat's house!', He yelled, cupping his hand around my head, 'Knock him on the road in your father's vehicle! Chop him into-'

'Uncle W-wen…', I said softly. He calmed himself down.

'I'm here Mae'

'Can you c-call Taemin? I need him', I said looking into his face, 'I don't feel w-well'.

'Of course cupcake, I'll call him right now', Uncle Wen said, picking up his phone, 'Dad sent me his number, just in case'.

'Okay, but stay here', I said holding onto him, 'Don't leave me too, like mom-'

'I'll never leave you, never', He whispered, caressing my hair, 'I'll call Taemin, and I'll stay here with you'.

'Okay', I said.

My eyes were dimming slowly. I wasn't sure if I'd be awake when Dr. Taemin comes. I felt hot.

'H-hot', I said.

'Fever', Uncle Wen said, feeling my temple, 'Go to sleep Mae. He will come'.

I fell into unconsciousness.

I felt relaxed.

Why is life this difficult? I shouldn't have brought his memories up. I shouldn't have liked him. I don't like him.

I hate him.

Unconsciously my hands clutched my blankets in my sleep till my knuckles turned white.

I hate you Min Joon.