Chapter 11.1: The Weight of Guilt.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, my mind spinning with the conversation Haruka and I had just had. I knew she meant well. I knew she was trying to help.

But the fear still clung to me, suffocating in a way that I couldn't explain.

That afternoon, I found myself sitting in the library after school, trying to focus on a math assignment. But no matter how hard I tried to concentrate, my thoughts kept drifting back to Haruka's words, to Kaito's words.

"You're not a burden. You're just scared."

I couldn't escape it. I couldn't escape the guilt. The guilt of pushing people away. Of not trusting them enough to let them in. And worse, the guilt of knowing that every time I did that, I was hurting them.

"Kai?"

I looked up, startled, to find Haruka standing in front of me. She had that same quiet, patient expression, but I could see the concern in her eyes.

I hadn't even realized how lost in my thoughts I had become.

"Sorry," I muttered, shaking my head. "I didn't mean to ignore you."

She smiled softly. "You didn't. I just wanted to check in. See how you were doing."

I didn't know how to answer. My mind felt like a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions. I didn't want to burden her with it. But I couldn't hide anymore.

"I'm… struggling," I said, my voice quiet but raw. "I keep thinking about everything I've done—how I've pushed you all away, and how it feels like it's too late to fix it."

Haruka sat down next to me, her expression gentle. "It's not too late, Kai," she said softly. "You're not the only one who's struggling. But it's okay to lean on us. We're your friends. We care about you."

For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt a small, fragile thread of hope. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe it wasn't too late to let go of the fear, to stop carrying all of this alone.

But the fear wasn't gone. It was still there, hovering just beneath the surface.

And even though I knew it wasn't going to be easy, I also knew that I couldn't keep running from it.

——~

That night, as I lay in bed, I thought about everything I had learned over the past week. About the fear that had kept me isolated, the guilt that had weighed me down, and the small, steady steps I was taking to open up.

I didn't have all the answers. I didn't know how to let go of the parts of me I had buried for so long. But I knew that I didn't have to do it alone.

I wasn't ready to let go of everything I feared. However, perhaps, I could try. One step at a time.