89 Please look at me

Suddenly feeling vulnerable and shy, I hide my face in the crook of his neck as my body still calms down from its high. He still holds me close, breathing heavy, thinking loud enough I can feel it.

I place a gentle kiss on his neck, making his body shudder in response. He shifts lightly under me, so I move quickly and grab one of the towels we had been keeping on the shelf over the bed for cleanup purposes. I move from atop him and clean up the mess on the both of us.

"Shower?" I ask, still avoiding his gaze, feeling exposed and raw over the moment that just passed between us. I stand, shakily, but swiftly recover and enter the bathroom. I quickly get a shower started and stand with my eyes closed under the hot water.

I feel the air pressure change as Lance enters the shower, joining me under the water. I feel his eyes devouring me, taking in my whole body, even though he's close.

I could probably touch him if I just reached my hand right in front of me.

I take a step back out of the water and turn around to grab the wash cloth and soap working on cleaning myself off. I lather my face and body before turning back around to step back into the water. I bump into Lance's strong body, not being able to see him from the soap in my eyes.

Lance grabs my waist, holding me steady as I rinse my face and mumble an apology.

"Will you wash my back?" Lance asks releasing my waist.

I step back nodding as I open my eyes, for them to feast upon his toned shoulders. I lather up the wash cloth again, and clean his back, taking my time.

You would never know that under his clothes would be the body of a demi god. And he's only become more defined since we've started sleeping together... eight months ago now.

My hand moves to his lower back, admiring him more.

I love these dimples right above his tailbone. Every time I see them they make me wet. His body is such a work of art, I don't know why he thinks I'm so irresistible, he deserves some one better than me...

"There you go." I say setting the wash cloth down and quickly stepping out of the shower, wrapping myself in a towel and start drying off. I slip on a light sun dress and climb back into the bed, closing my eyes as my heart pains.

I don't deserve Lance, he's handsome, has a good job, he's kind, caring, thoughtful, romantic, and kinky. He's perfect. While me, I'm just doing my best to avoid my past, even though he might find me anyways.

I shudder at the thought as I feel the bed dip behind me, Lance's strong arms wrapping around me pulling me into his embrace.

"Lirael, you want to tell me what's going through your mind right now?" Lance's complex tone has me stiffening in his arms.

"The issues from my past." The anxiety in my voice is palpable as I scrunch my eyes closed tighter.

"What else?"

My breath quivers as the words just fall out of my mouth like a bucket being dumped, "That you're perfect and I do not know why you are not with someone more deserving of you. That's not all fucked up in the head and possibly being stalked by their psycho ex, like ..." my voice grows timid, "me." My chest tightens in a stinging, crushing pain, that he will realize he deserves better than me. I try to stifle the sob that wants to break free, but my chest still spasms from the reflex.

Lance pulls away from me and I can feel him hovering over me.

"Lirael, please look at me." He pushes on my shoulder to have me roll onto my back.

I keep my eyes closed tightly, shaking my head, not wanting him to see the tears that have tried to spring forth.

I hate crying! Pull yourself together, Lirael!I scold myself mentally.

Soft fingertips caress the wrinkles of skin on my forehead and around my eyes, teasing them to relax.

"Lirael, please, look at me." Lance's pleading tone spikes my heart, so I blink them open.

"There are those beautiful eyes I've been wishing to see." Lances face glows with a soft smile, his thumb tracing the higher curve of my cheekbone.

"You've seen them hundreds of times.." Dismissing the compliment, my gaze wanders to his shoulder.

Lance taps my chin up, reluctantly forcing me to meet his gaze again.

"Yes, I've seen them hundreds of times, but I always find something new in them every time I look. I will never tire of looking into them, and if you ever look at me the same way you did earlier, I just may lose my soul on top of my heart." Lance's sincerity has my toes curling, and my hand rushing up to cover my heated face.

Lance pulls my hand down, chastising me with a hardened glare, "I think you deserve some one better than me. The fact that I am here with you at all, that I've been blessed to enjoy your warmth, your smile, your laughter, your company, your body, is an understatement. You are beautiful and I am so madly in love with you, the fact you seem to doubt, makes me wonder if you are blind."

Dear lord, I don't deserve him, but I am never going to let him go willingly, again.

I scoff, blushing, "I'm not blind." I mutter subtly under my breath, "I love you, too."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last bit." Lance genuinely cocks an ear my way, curious as to what I had said.

I raise my voice to barely above a whisper, "I love you, too."

Lance smiles, "I know you do. I also know what you did earlier too." He runs a hand down my side pulling me closer to him, leaning in for a kiss.

I raise a hand to stop him, "What I did earlier?"

Lance chuckles, "You can play coy all you want, Lirael. You didn't have to say it out loud, and I get it. You needed to be in control of it, in order to be comfortable with making love. If anything being at your mercy while you made love to me, just made it that much more... amazing." He presses his lips to mine, stealing my breath.

I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him right back. I feel the burning ache in my core return, begging to be reunited with him, letting him take me in ways only he can.

He must have felt my heart palpitate, scented my desire, because in the next moment his body rubs against mine, his length growing and hardening against my thigh.

In between our pauses for air, I work up the courage and beg Lance something I never thought I'd say.

"Lance, please make love to me. Even if I cry, even if I say stop, please don't stop. I need you and I need you to make love to me, please. I'm ready to get rid of my past."