My origin

I am the eminence in the shadows my name is Benjamin Jasper Dumars a reincarnated person well I should say two times reincarnated as for how that happened that's what I'm gonna explain as you can tell by my name 

I'm American in my very first life I was an obese 5'5 26 year American below average grades and no girlfriends or friends I've always had trust issues thanks to my four brothers being gang bangers 

anyone from America can understand what I mean you can't trust anyone they introduce you to or you'll end up in prison well that was when I was a kid but anyway back to me as for why I'm explaining this is 

because it is necessary to understand who I am now and what made me into who I am now let's continue where I left off despite having trust issues I'm also a shut-in I became an otaku/neet as they would say in Japanese and I was no ordinary otaku I was 

As an otaku whose imagination was always active, you can say that it was hard living life with an imagination that had no turn-off switch whether it was listening to music or watching/reading anime and manga I always

find myself putting myself in the pov of the protagonist/singer in my mind living their life and trying to make my own stories that go the way I like you can imagine how many problems this could cause especially 

when it comes to anime. Man there have been a lot of anime and manga that have triggered me but anyway despite the flaws in my pathetic self I always felt if I kept reading manga and watching I would find 

the character I've always imagined that can fix those animes that have scarred my heart That is when I stumbled upon a book titled The Eminence in Shadow by Anri Sakano and Daisuke Aizawa my god it was as if I struck

gold you may think I'm overreacting but I'm not Cid Kagenou's personality could be said to be similar to mine and how he felt in his first life

as minoru, before he was isekaied, despite the cringe the book came with something caught my eye 

in the manga that was when he was telling Alpha of an organization causing mayhem in the shadows and altering history the BS this guy spouted was ridiculous yet it turned out to be true i started to suspect that

it was a lucky-ass guess that he got that right but then the kidnapping of his sister Claire in one particular scene stuck out to me again. it was during Beta conversation with Cid about the whereabouts of his sister 

when he threw his dagger at the map to guess the kidnaper's hideout he threw it in the wrong spot but that spot turned out to be where she was being held now tell me ladies and gents isn't that just

sus as fuck. I've always felt that Cid not only had overwhelming power but also the ability to bring the BS he spouts to reality. I know if I had such an ability the earth itself would have been destroyed anyway that sparked 

my idea for making a novel fan fic of it but as soon as I wished to start it tragedy struck. I never mentioned this in my 26 years of life I've always lived with my mom not once had I separated from her side for too long

only 2 or 3 days staying the night at my aunt's house that would be it my moms have been somewhat my hero she would teach us at a young age "If someone hits you you hit them back no matter their gender you let no one hit 

you" that should tell you just how strong of a woman she is. if that doesn't convince you she gave birth to me when she was 40 years old she had just lost her mom the same year yet it came as a surprise any time

anybody told her "Are you his mom" she would always reply "Yup god took my mom and gave me him" She could have gotten an abortion yet she didn't she kept me despite her age and having Rheumatoid arthritis she still

raised me. that person had passed away with her gone I broke. everything had turned dark telling my older brothers that she passed away was hard I never told you my relationship with my brothers it was bad 

I hate them when my mom was struggling they never helped her out but when they needed help she was there for them yet they repaid her by ignoring her and not letting her establish a relationship with her grandchildren

only when she started being sent to the hospital did they show themselves even then they showed no concern fooling themselves into thinking she'd be fine since it's just a blood clot in her lungs and the doctors found 

it in time so they breathed a sigh of relief leaving me to bear the burden of being by her side and finder her lifeless body let me tell you now that shit hurts, in my opinion, no one should go through that especially

when you're the one with the biggest attachment to that person it should of been the responsibility of my oldest brother not someone with mental health problems. so when she died I beat the shit out of all my brothers

and killed one of them yet it didn't ease the pain I was feeling I just wandered the streets aimlessly until I had an encounter with this old homeless man. "excuse me young man would you happen to have 25 cents that's all 

I'm asking for" I stopped in my tracks and gazed at the stars with a dazed look "You want money" I adjusted my gaze and stared at him with a face void of emotion striking fear into the homeless man probably sensing

my lingering murderous intent "here" I toss him my wallet that has 200 bucks in it "I won't be needing this anymore". 'I just killed one of my brothers I'll be spending my life in prison well mom it seems you won't 

have to worry about me not having a place to live since prison is rent free haha'. as I thought that to myself I didn't realize how giving that money to that old man would shape my future. wandering through the night

reminiscing about my mom I didn't hear the blaring horn of the train that would claim my life. thus was how Benjamin Jasper Dumars died.