Scamming the Founders

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Word Count 2370

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"But that is all in the distant past. Now why have you summoned us child?" Harry smiled when he heard that. He really prefers to deal with smart people like Rowena and Salazar, they get to the point.

"Well my first reason for summoning you is for you to give me some embarrassing stories of Rowena, she has been on a high horse for a while and I wanted to bring her down a bit"

"WHAT!" Rowena shouted out in surprise. This boy, brought back the dead souls of her friends, to embarks her??

The other three looked at each other and let out large grins. Rowena was always the cool beauty. Keeping a cold and calculated face. She kept them in line because she also knew secrets about them. Who would have thought that they would get their chance to embarrass her from the grave. So what if she tells them their secrets. They are already dead.

Helena looked with interest she had never seen her mother like this before.

Godric looked at Rowena's face which somehow looked paler "Well there was that one time when we first met and Rowena was discovering how to turn into her inner animal.."

"Godric Gryffindor! You will stop if you know what's good for you!" Rowena threatened with a raised fist as she got near them.

 "She had a beak on her face for a week. Rahahaahah!" He just laughed right in her face

"Ya Bastrd!" Her Scottish accent slipped as she got angry, and caused the others to laugh.

"There was one time where I tricked her into taking some experimental hers as 'Medicine' for focus. The herbs hit her so hard she acted like a drunkard the entire day. That day still remains one of the happiest days in my life" Helga giggled as she remembered the scene

"You tricked me!" Rowena yelled out

"You got HIGH! Haahahah" Harry yelled out before he started to laugh

"Got High? Is that the term that you kids use nowadays. Quite fitting I might add. Lets see, what embarrassing story do I have of Rowena. Ahhh.. that will do."

Rowena saw his face and immediately knew what Salazar was thinking of.

"Salazar. Please.." Rowena asked with a almost pleading expression.

 "You deserve this Rowena... After we founded Hogwarts. And built the Owlery. Rowena one day turned into her owl form and went inside..." At this point everyone was at the edge of their seats. Rowena looked like she wanted the earth to open and swallow her up.

"Fun fact, magical owls look for potential mates depending on how much magic they have." Everybody's eyes widened "So when Rowena flew in, every single male owl flew at her to mate with her. She panicked and flew away, followed behind by dozens and dozens of male owls. They flew so fast that she didn't even have time to return in her human form. They chased her for an hour before she finally lost them and found a place to switch to normal"

"Rahahahaahah"

"Hahahahahaha"

Godric and Harry burst out laughing, clutching their stomachs.

Helena, Helga and Hope quietly chuckled by hiding their mouths behind her hands.

Rowena got on her knees and looked depressed "You bastard. You were there the whole time and you didn't lift a finger to help me"

Salazar smirked "You never asked for any help"

"I was an Owl! I couldn't talk if I wanted to!!"

"Heh" Salazar let out a little laugh "Are you happy now? Niñito?" (A/N Little boy in Spanish.)

( A/N. Salazar is such a Spanish name, along with his tanned skin. Idk why nobody called this out before. It would make more sense if Salazar was Spanish, who came to England to learn more magic. In the wiki it is said he had Spanish descend. But i think it would be more fun to make him Spanish for the heck of it. To make things more interesting. )

"Niñito?" Harry looked at the bald man with a raised eyebrow "Spanish? But why..." then everything clicked to Harry, the Name, Parseltongue, and his skin color. And promptly facepalmed "...never mind. I'm just stupid... Why didn't I realize this before?"

Britain only has about 4 native snake types. And only one is Venomous. Why would Parseltongue appear here when there is no danger? On the other hand Spain has like 12 species of which 6 are venomous.

(A/N Idk if this is true, different sites say different things)

It makes much more sense for Parseltongue to appear there. Maybe someone rich from Spain paid someone to have a child with a Parselmouth from India. Hence why Spain has Parseltongue now. And Salazar came to Britain and now Britain has some Parseltongue'

"Let me guess, you hid that fact because of the retarded nobles in Britain at the time" Harry deadpanned. 'Something along the line of 'outsiders are savages' "

Salazar blinked " That is surprisingly accurate depiction of their response"

"Of course it is. Honestly are all the wizards here with half a brain. No its the common sense that's the problem. No matter how smart or talented they are. If they just stay trapped in this society sooner or later they will turn to idiots too." Harry mused out loud "Maybe if I Nuke the Ministry things will turn out all right. Like a reset button"

"Nuke? Reset?" x 4 the founders found the new words strange. While Hope and Helena facepalmed at Harry's casual plan to commit mass genocide

Helena turned to Hope "It has not been easy for you child."

"You have no idea" Hope smiled wryly

Harry snapped back to reality "Oh yeah. Good job. But now for the second reason why I called you. But first." He turned to Rowena "You might get in the way so, I'll summon you back later"

"Huh?" is all Rowena could say before she disappeared into thin air.

"Hey brat why did you sent her away" Godric stood up and tried to intimidate Harry who just deadpanned at him. He wasn't a ghost or poltergeist. He was just a phantom, an echo of his true soul. And he wanted to threaten him? Good luck with that.

Salazar sighed "Godric, stop charging like a bull. We don't belong in the mortal plain anyway. And the kid said he will summon her back later. He most likely sent her away so Rowena doesn't interfere with our negotiations"

"Ahhh. I see" Helga caught on to what Salazar was talking about

"Negotiations? What negotiations?" Godric yelled out, Helga and Salazar looked at each other before sighing.

' ' Still as bullheaded as ever' '

"The second reason the kid summoned us... why do you think he would waste his time talking to us, its obviously that he wants something from us. But none of us are the kind of people who would give things out for free. Hence negotiations" Salazar explained slowly like he was speaking to a child

"Ahhhh. Well why didn't he just say that from the start!"

Salazar deadpanned 'Its no use. Even in death he is still a moron. I'll just ignore him from now on'

Harry smiled " As I said its much easier to deal with smart people. Well first of Helga. I am quite accomplished at Potions and have many gardens. So what I want is your Herbology potion and herbology knowledge"

"Hmmm" The middle aged lady got near me " You control the room right? How about you show me your garden and I'll make my decision based on that. I will also need a single thing from you but that will depend on whether you can impress me or now. I don't know about the others but I have been keeping track of my descendants. The Smith house can hardly be called that now anyway. None of them are particularly good or talented at Herbology."

Harry was surprised that she had such a simple request "Sure"

'Show me my Garden. Show me my Garden. Show me my Garden'

And just like that the room shifted to Harry's Garden at Potter Manor. Helga and Salazar toured the Greenhouses and the vivarium's. They were surprised by the large diversity of plants, insects and animals that Harry was raising.

Godric was not the least bit interested, he just mumbled something about this being a waste of his time.

"But then again it shouldn't be too surprising. After all a 1000 years has passed. Plants are bound to mutate and be crossbred" Salazar commented as he was looking at the Vivarium's

'The Poison Jar Ritual. To think that it has survived for all these years. It appears that my descendant is quite capable. He should be no older than 13 and he has already accomplished much. A reincarnator perhaps? Those were rare in my day, but perhaps it changed after all this time. But it matters not. All I need to know is I have a competent descendant. One who I don't mind leaving everything to. But first I need to give him a few tests. There are many who would scheme to use him, I need him to be able to see through traps like that.'

"Exactly, but these are also some of the plants i created using crossbreeding and genetic manipulation." Harry said with a smirk and turned to Helga and wished for the room to show his potion room in the Potter Manor.

This surprised the two founders once again. Both Helga and Salazar were accomplished in potion, Helga was of course better since that was her main occupation. But Salazar still needed potions for some of his ritual studies.

" Now what's your second request" Harry asked the brown haired woman.

Helga smiled sadly "I know that the cup was stolen by some mad man a few decades ago. From a Hepzibah Smith. I wish for you to retrieve it. I don't care if it remains in your possession. After all you are worthy of possessing it unlike my idiotic descendants who were so easily deceived. I just want it cleansed and away from that 'creature' "

"Creature..ey? That sounds interesting. Maybe I should have kept up with the times." Salazar said with interest. Helga was normally a very kind and caring woman. For her to call a man a 'creature' then he really must have done something horrible.

Harry smiled "Actually Salazar it was another of your descendants that stole the Cup and killed Hepzibah"

Salazar's eyes widened before he sighed "Of course it was. Why is it always me..?"

Helga rolled her eyes "Oh stop whining. At least you have a competent heir now. While my family is about to fall into obscurity from their own incompetence."

"Hah. You both suck. I bet my descendants are much better off than yours" Godric bellowed as he watched his two friends bicker

Hope chuckled " Harry here is also a descendant from your line. The last female Gryffindor married into the Potter line. Well that just means Harry is the official descendant."

Harry nodded "Yeah, with how big of a manwhore you were, half of Britain are your descendants. And there is no way I'm doing your stupid test to become the heir. Put my life on the line to protect the school with courage and bravery? Hell no"

"This brat is the official descendant of my line? No... How depressing" The phantom slumped

"Shut up you useless piece of shit" Harry scowled at Godric before he turned to Helga. "You got a deal lady. Lets make a pact. After all I have to bind you somehow, you can just refuse even if I do find it"

"Ohhh. Smart move" Salazar complimented while Hope facepalmed

'Another one bites the dust... Why did that line pop into my head?'

"So kiddo, what do you want form me? My ritual knowledge? My Dark Arts? or perhaps my original Parseltongue spells?" Salazar said with a smirk.

"All of it. The problem is that everything you own is stored in the Chamber of Secrets right?"

Salazar frowned with a confused look before he realized what Harry was talking about "Chamber of Secrets? Is that what people call my Living Quarters now? How interesting. But yes, you are right. However they are quite well protected" he says with a smug look.

"Yeah... about that. Another once of your descendants broke in, raided the place, manipulated the basilisk to kill a student then left. Oh and he also has your wife's locket"

...

"¿Qué?" (What?) 

"Yeah.. so i could go in and break apart the defenses but there is a chance it will be empty. So I'm not even going to bother" Harry said with a smirk

Hope deadpanned at that 'Liar. You are already making preparations to kill the Basilisk. At the level Harry is now he can easily kill it. But nooo... He wants a perfect intact specimen to get the most gains out of. That means. He can't harm the skin as it is extremely valuable, nor the flesh, eyes and teeth. He can't poison it because he plans to eat it later. So he is doing this in an extremely complicated way because of his obsession with experiments.'

"Some young upstart broke into my home, stole my books, and used my pet to kill a student!!" Salazar started cursing in Parseltongue

"Brat I will give you everything I have if you kill the bastard! And take the locket from him. He doesn't deserve my legacy!"

Harry smiled "Done. Lets make a gias. But just to make sure, you want him dead right, as in his body destroyed"

"Yes what other kind of 'dead' do you know about!" Salazar says angrily

"Okay just checking"

 Hope withheld a sigh 'I feel sorry for these people. He even went as far as to mention Voldemort to make Salazar angry so that he wouldn't notice Harry's word play.'

"Okay the geas is finished" Harry then pulled out the cup and locket. And grinned at the founders

"Now pay up!"

...

" " What?! " "