Pain

Arrived in front of the gate I stop undecided, my hands are shaking.

He takes my hand and squeezes it, I look at him and gestures for me to play.

A lady comes to open the door then once inside I slowly approach the voices I hear.

Isa: good morning I am at the table my aunt and uncle are talking then as soon as they hear my voice they are speechless, my uncle immediately jumps up and comes to hug and makes me get up in the air he has tears in his eyes,

I approach him and wipe them away a tear. Isa: You don't have to ... Don't .....

Uncle: I'm just happy to see you again I didn't think that .....

Then the aunt approaches me she is crying too. Isa: come here and don't cry otherwise I'll go ok?

He holds me and then notices criss. Isa: he is criss, criss they are my uncles, my father's aunt and sister and also di ..

Criss: I understand your uncle the other uncle too We laugh and make us sit down.

Isa: where is my cousin?

I don't have time to hear screaming

Cousin: I don't believe it, it's you He hugs me tightly

Cousin: Isa tell me how are you? I know I shouldn't ask but why are you doing this?

We all miss you especially them and then how do you dress?

Criss: You have to see in the club how she dresses in all sports.

Cousin: you're crazy Isa how the hell do you ... Isa: what if .... Leave it alone

Cousin: you weren't like that, it's not fair that you hide like that.

Criss: Because it used to be different.

My cousin opens her eyes wide and goes inside the house to get something then I see that she has an album in her hands.

Cousin: see for yourself her last anus as it was.

He looks and then looks at me

Criss: She doesn't look like this girl what I mean or clothes, her hair, her smile all look like another person

Cousin: and what I say too you see he also says the same thing because you do it is not right you, you .... You are not .... How ..... Isa: yes, they are no longer ok ?.

Aunt: Elena stop saying that if she wants to be like that .....

Cousin: no mom, she must understand that she is not dead ..... She ...

I look at him with a glacial look I clench my fists so as not to do some nonsense she lowers her head.

Isa: you shouldn't have said it you shouldn't have reminded me I'm telling you for the last time "That girl is gone ok, she's dead to get it and dead".

She looks at me with tears in her eyes

Cousin: I'm sorry I didn't want to

Aunt: why don't you call them? Bonfire please I do not heal anything about you anymore as no one does not know anything about you call them please it is not fair she is also sick as you know it was not easy.

I nod then go upstairs.

Criss I feel like my heart if stopped at those words "she is dead, she is dead she is no more" I saw the pain in her eyes the anger she showed.

Then I didn't understand that you have to call?

Criss: Sorry but .....

Cousin: She didn't tell you anything, didn't she?

Criss: no

Cousin: I understand, I can't tell you her past but I can tell you that she needs someone by her side even if she doesn't admit it to herself.

She gestures for me to go upstairs where there is a terrace, I go up and see her from behind she has the phone in her hands and they are trembling I approach her, I take their hand she looks at me she has red eyes she cried?

Who should he call?

Criss: if you don't feel like it, don't ...

Isa: I have to do it they are right they are there.

He starts the phone call, sits down immediately afterwards.

Isa I sit down and start the call

Isa: hello mom Mom: honey how are you? I hear her crying, a tear escapes me too, I wipe it away immediately.

Isa: how are you mom? I'm sorry I haven't called until today but you know it took me some time please don't be mad at me dad how are you?

Mom: we're fine honey I'm glad you called us let's go ahead as well as you my said your uncle you're good I thought you could .....

Isa: hurt me? Any nonsense? I won't do it I promised and I keep my promise.

Mom: So how are you tell me the truth

Isa: I'm alive but also dead and you know why I don't need to repeat it

Mom: but you are alive and I am happy that you are alive even if you must be so far away I do not care enough that you are fine we love you Isa and remember he would not want anything but I choose you and I respect your choice but please go ahead live the life you don't ..... He .....

Isa: I'll try mom it's not easy I'm no longer what I once was I'm sorry but ...

I can't go on not alone ... But slowly I'll be able to do it I love you mom, kiss me dad.

I cut off the phone call and look at criss who has a mixed face I don't know what he thinks what he understood but ....

Criss: Are you okay?

Isa: I want to go home I need to stand on my rock He takes me by the hand we go down we greet everyone and when we go we go, all the way we are silent I do not want to talk and he does not know what to say and I understand he knows nothing about me nothing.

As soon as I arrive I immediately run on the rock.

Criss: as soon as we arrive she gets out of the car and runs away, her uncle looks at her, takes the phone and makes a phone call. Uncle: what happened what did you tell them?

I see him very agitated he sits on the chair and runs his hand through his hair.

Uncle: you shouldn't have tried now I don't know how he reacts you had to leave him alone it's not right he was a little better but now I'm afraid.

He disconnects the call and looks at me Uncle: how are you?

Criss: Not very well but he will recover and strong.

Uncle: yes but it's not fair the wound was still open they shouldn't have forced her to do so they shouldn't have talked about the past she is strong but also weak and always human she is not made of iron.

Criss: I don't know much about what's going on I just know he's sick and I don't like that he's like that I'll be around them if he lets me. I go on the rock I find it looking at the sea I sit next to it.

Isa: you know I look at the sea and I see that it is immense, I see the sky and it is immense, I look inside the heart and I do not find it I feel only pain too much pain I do not understand why we humans must feel this way I think it is not right.

Criss: We all have immense pain to bear to carry on even if it is not easy, even if we hide someone will see it and help us.

Isa: I don't want to be helped.

Criss: Me neither. I shake his hand and then slowly I approach her, hug him and she puts her head on my shoulders.

After a few hours of silence we go to the room I make her change and then she goes to bed I lie down too I turn her towards me I put her on my chest and I hug him, I feel her stiff I kiss her forehead.

Isa: do we make a deal?

Criss: which one

Isa: will we help each other? When you feel bad I will be there when I feel bad you will be there, when time will you want me next to you I will be there and you will be there for me, the pain we have inside slowly we overcome it together what do you say?

Criss: I say it's a good idea and I accept the deal.

I give her a kiss to mold and she smiles on my lips.

Isa: criss

Criss: hmmm

Isa: slowly I'll tell you what I'm hiding I'll tell you everything but I'm not ready yet I can only tell you that I was disappointed in love, I lost love, it still hurts.

Criss: I know, I know, me too.