World of Infinite Sand... and Salt

'Dear Bob

Hey bud, how are you? You are good, I hope?

Hahaha! of course, you are not

Kind regard...'

"WHAT THE F*CK AM I DOING?!?"

I ripped the leaf I was pretending to write on with my non-existent pen into pieces. I think I'm going insane. How long it had been since I have been arriving at this world that filled nothing but sand. Luckily I can find some Oasis on my way. Oh, this world also has a monster as well, weird, right?

Under normal circumstances, I'm quite confident that I would become a nervous wreck right now.

The again waking up in a desert planet with nothing but my smartphone and my clothes on me like a typical Isekai protagonist isn't exactly 'normal' either.

Oh? Look like the black blob monster popping up from the sand. Well, at least the sand has some distance from my resting place under the tree. I sighed and stood from my resting place under the tree. My protector then materializes behind me, sensing my intention.

The trash mob began to make their move toward me. The mob is so trashed even I can kill them regardless of my condition right now. Even so, I would be in danger..., and I have yet lose my sanity to risk my life needlessly. With a confident smile, I walk toward the mob slowly before giving a command.

"Kill them, Berseker"

"▂▂▃▄▄▅▃▄▄▅▅!"

With a roar that no human can reproduce, My servant leaps from behind me into the fray. It wasn't even a battle. With a single swing, the Giant Greek Hero shattered the desert beneath him, and with it, the main body of the black blobs beneath it.

I was panicked for the first time the blob appear near me and shout at berserker to kill them with all his might. So berserker uses his Noble Phantasm to kill them in one go but by doing so, he also created a massive crater near my Oasis. After that little event, I realized that there was no real danger to me since Berserker vs the Trash Mobs was like a Lvl 500 Sword Saint vs 10x Lvl 3 Slime.

My Smartphone vibrated, I took it out of my skirt's pocket and checked how much was deposited.

100 Quantum Point or QP as it is known for in the community. Hmm, 30 bond points... This going to take a while.

I don't even bother to look at the trash loot that I won't use.

"E-eh?"

A chime that brought great amounts of joy to my salty soul rang from my smartphone as a Saint Quartz was awarded to me.

"Yes!!! Quartz~~~ Quartz~~~ Ahoi!! Good Job, Berserker!!! Thank you for your hard work!!!"

At my thanks, the Berserker grunted before dematerializing. Oh, precious Saint Quartz, how I missed thee!

Alas, my foolishness has cost me my chance to escape this wretched realm, until now…

"For you see my dear dear

I, Bob, who was once a male, had been Isekai'd into the Fate Grand Order female protagonist's body.

Let me assure you all that I did what was necessary and fondled my new tits immediately before I continue my story."

I coughed due to dessert wind blowing the sand and caught it in my throat. You know what? Forget monologuing out loud. I'm just going to do it in my head as I wash my mouth with clean Oasis water.

Now, where was I? Oh yes

I had, of course, immediately (after molesting myself) checked for my belongings. Only to find that I was wearing a different set of clothes, namely the Chaldea Security Organization's uniform.

All that I had with me was Berserker already materialized next to me, Command Seals, Magic Circuits, this indestructible (I had Berserker check due to my brief moment of insanity) smartphone with a modified Fate/Grand Order platform installed and the identical clothes of Ritsuka Fujimaru (Female) or Gudako (fan favorite nickname).

My smartphone was pretty much the game's latest client, judging by the UI, but Story Mode was blocked out completely and was behind a "Quartz Wall". God damn paywalls everywhere!

Meaning, I had to pay 3 Quartz to actually unlock 'Story Mode', which I assumed to be my ticket out of this desert hell hole when my real-life battles triggered the rewards screen on my smartphone with a seemingly endless battery.

I had 60 Quartz at first, but I used all of it on the Gacha. Utter foolishness... mostly bad luck.

All I got was Black Keys and that Spicy Mapo Tofu (Which I ate to survive... CURSE YOU KOTOMINE FOR MAKING IT SO SPICY!!!). Of course, I'm not Crying... No, I'm not... Not... Crying *srk*.

But… but now, after fighting mobs (sending Heracles to kill anything living) for the past three days and suddenly gaining this Saint Quartz… I now had enough to unlock this 'Story Mode'.

*PING*

A tutorial screen pop-up appeared, basically telling me that it would cost me three quartz to move from one world to the other and that each world would gain me a certain amount of Quartz through 'Story Battles' before I can gain some through 'Free Battles'.

I now had to pick between three options.

My jaw dropped.

"WHHHHYYYY!" I screamed with my girly voice.

Grail A

A.D. 2008 DXD - The Emperor Beast of Apocalypse

Dragon Carnival

Humanity Foundation Value: C+++

Grail B

??? Kuroinu - The Cuntry of Servitude

Endless Pleasures of the Flesh

Humanity Foundation Value: D-

Grail C

??? Black Bibble - New Testament

The Eminator of New Order

Humanity Foundation Value: D-

I stomp on the ground, uncaring of how childish it looked. What the F*ck is this storyline?!?. Almost all of them are H*ntai. The grail C is a world where there is a hidden group of people to create a new order. Even though I could use Bersekerk to kill them all, I don't want to risk it because of that world He*tai logic. Especially with my new body, In the world where women always lose and getting R*ped? No, thank you.

The same with Grail B.

Grail A gets HAX later on, although I'm pretty sure Nasu HAX is overall stronger… the amount of bullshit cannot be understated, considering the immense power creep.

Then again, I could just get the Grail and get the fuck out.

"ARRRGGHHH, Berseker, What do you think?"

"▄▄▅▅!"

"You are not helping!!!"

Of course, Berseker can't help me. Berserker is my Beat Stick, not Military Advisor.

"Hmmm? Berserker, that is not sand in your sword."

I pointed on the red particle on his sword. I don't know why my sanity left me now, but before I know it, I brushed my finger at Berserker Axe Sword and licked the red particle.

...Ewww...

"It's Salt"

You know what? F*ck this world. I'm done. I may as well go to the DXD world since I can have some semblance of modern life.

Away from all this salt… and sand.

"Let's Go Berserker; I'm tired of this Desert Planet. It's coarse and rough and irritating - not like you. You're the strongest in the world!"

So I pressed the Grail A. Bright light began to engulf me, and before I knew it, I was surrounded by a more familiar place.

It was some weird purple toothpick… at least that's what I'm guessing from the corner of my eye.

I look around and notice a terrified spiky-haired young man in front of me.

Oh...

I look up and see a Fallen Angel wearing a BDSM set as a costume.

Brushing my brown hair to the side while ignoring Raynare's ramblings, I give Berserker my first order for this world.

"Kill her, Kill her Berserker"

Berserker leaps into the air. A seconds later, Black Feather and Blood was splatter on the ground, and is that a flesh? And huh... I must be insane not to feel anything at all.

Whoops, I must traumatize Issei with my action.

"W-What?"

Is he shocked, angry, or sad? I don't know. It was hard to tell with that expression. Anyway, what should I say hmmm?

"Well, That is one Fallen Angel down. You can thank me later, Civilian!!!"

I said it with a cute winning smile that I practiced in the Desert Planet from before to fill my free time. Huh? is my smile not working? Issei still terrified of me.

"Y-Yo-You killed her!!"

"Well, yes, but didn't she ask you to die or something?"

"I-I..."

He couldn't seem to answer for the next few seconds.

Damn, several days of being Isekai'd already done a big number on my social skills, hasn't it? Or maybe I'm just not used to dealing with issues like this.

Probably both.

"Berserker, he's frightened. Do something about it."

"▂▂▃▄▄▅▃▄▄▅▅!"

"HiiiiiiiIIIIII!!!!"

I facepalm myself.

"Never mind."

God... oh wait for second God is dead, Gosh, I'm quite hungry. Hmm, I should shake the boy down for his food.

I wonder if he has a Quartz on him?

Hmmm.