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Starter Summoning

Thank goodness for tiny changes in different worlds!

If it weren't for the fact that this Issei hadn't DODGED Raynare's first attack, then I would have had a lot more trouble in convincing him that I meant no harm (to him… yet). At least he could see that Raynare wanted him dead, and then I showed up before siccing Berserker on her.

Props to Issei for being slightly less useless than Canon Issei, in terms of getting the f*ck out of the way of vicious bitches. Anyway, I reached into his pocket and grab the Summoning circle of Gremory Household and then tear it apart. I don't know if I'm in some Fanfiction World where Manipulative! Rias Trope and some headache-inducing fanon. When I reach for his pocket, Issei keeps screaming something about me molesting him or something... Weird.

"So, I guess I should escort you home then."

"Somehow, I felt like all of my male pride never existed."

"Don't be sexist."

"Sorry, wasn't trying to, I just-"

The poor kid sounded depressed, although I give him points for making a deadpan joke at the start.

"I get it. You had a rough day. Also, don't worry about being macho around me. I mean, look at Berserker."

He stares at the hulking mass of muscle... he gulped back whatever was in his mouth.

"I… wasn't talking about… him?"

"I know, just trying to lighten the mood a bit."

"Hahaha… thanks."

Berserker then went back to the spirit form as I walked issei as he guides me toward his house.

Sensing the awkward silence, I took out my smartphone like a proper introverted millennial is expected to do, and checked for updates.

Eh?!? 3 QUARTZ?!?

Did I get 3 Quartz just for killing Rayner? So that is a story battle, huh? But 3 QUARTZ? I guess it was because she is a named character. If that's the case, if I take nine enemies as the average of one fight coupled with a certain amount of parts within a chapter then… I need to kill 30 mooks within 'Story Mode' to get a single Quartz.

So if I kill the Kokabiel faction, I should be gaining 9 QUARTZ by kill Kalawarner, Mittelt, and Dohnaseek. If I can kill Kokabiel Legion then...

'Huehuehuehue'

"Umm, excuse me?"

"Eh? What? ahh, yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Of course, why asking?"

"You are drolling."

Hearing it, I wipe my mouth. That is dangerous. Hang in there, Ritsuka, and don't become Gudako.

Anyway, I check my phone and O-oh my goodness! Quest completions! And my gift boxes are updated!

Another notification tells me that the Friend Point summons now available, along with the fact that I've gotten 10 Free Quartz, 10 Summon Tickets, and 10 4* Experience cards!

All for surviving the 'Tutorial Stage.'

Easiest Quartz in my life.

I didn't even need to pay a single cent for this.

Fuck, I paid in other ways, didn't I? I look into my gift box and absent-mindedly tapped to collect all gifts. A bright light appeared right in front of Issei and I all of a sudden!

"Pleased to meet you, Master. I'm still a novice with the sword, so please call me Saber Lily. I look forward to adventuring with you for many years to come!"

Artoria Pendragon (Lily)

My new Servant was too adorable.

Oh right, free promotional Saber Lily with the stats of a three-star… then again, this is real life, so it's a bit different, and she isn't a bad Saber at all.

"Me too! I'm glad to have you with me!"

Of course, I was happy! My chances of dying had decreased dramatically!

And she's cute, sweet, fun, and a lot of things.

As a former man (physically), it stands to reason that I would be joyous of summoning a cute girl.

Before I knew it, we were cheering together with grasped hands and hug each other.

"Y-yuri yuri…" Issei seems to be muttering something.

"Oh, right. Lily, this is Berserker." Berserker appeared and stayed still. "He doesn't talk much."

"Haha, he looks caring, though." The cute Saber-face remarked happily.

"Seriously?!" Issei released his inner Tsukkomi.

"This is…?" Lily tilted her head and looked at Issei

"Ah, this is Issei Hyoudou. The guy almost got killed by some Fallen Angel that played on his feelings."

"Oh my, you poor boy…"

I then noticed that I gained a new Mystic Code as clothes, hmm, Kuoh Academy Uniform? I see… thematic items then? My clothes swapped instantly, heh, now I looked like I could blend into this town. Eh? My stockings were exchanged with thigh-high black socks instead!? Interesting… So I'm what? Gender-swapped Shirou with Zettai Ryouiki? At any rate, I had three abilities with this Mystic Code on.

Hypnosis, Boundary, Field, and Familiar Creation.

In-game, it's a party affliction, party defense buff, and party defense debuff respectively. It makes sense in a thematic way… but in reality, I could just pump in magic and use extremely useful magecraft like this. As such, when we reached Issei's home I began preparing…

"Ise! How was your date, dear?"

"How far did you go?!"

Both Issei's parents then began questioning him. When his father asked his question he gets hit by a ladle.

"E-eh, well, it was…"

Issei struggled to find the right words as he recalled painful memories.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

Eh? Is his mother looking at me? Yes, She is.

"Oh, hello, Hyoudou-san. I'm afraid not. We met after his date with… Yuuma. She toyed with his feelings and told him to die, and well…"

I made an elaborate story about how I ran into him when he was moping around and suggested that he 'needs' them right now. By suggesting, I mean I was using Hypnosis to strongly suggest they comfort him. On a side note, I managed to get some free food and a night's rest in their spare room.

"Mmmm! Finally, decent food!"

Lily and Berserker convened in my temporary room for strategy, door locked of course and a Boundary Field as well.

"All right. There's probably a Grail here causing trouble aside from the Beast from the Bible so… any input? Berserker?"

"▂▂▃▃"

"Okay, then. Lily?"

"Hmm, I think we need more Servants first. Ooh, then we need a base. Like, we should get a Castle and fortify it!"

"I don't think we can get castles in Japan, but I completely agree with more Servants. Hold on, let me check my party costs and… it's infinite, all is well."

The only problem is what kind of Servants I want. There is a DXD Banner, weirdly enough, offering heroes from this world as a rate-up. Of course, everyone knows that Rate-up is a lie.

Anyways, there's the DXD Banner, Story Mode Banner, Friend Point Banner and… Eh? I still get the Starter Summoning for free?! I tapped it without hesitation.

Come on, come on, give me Altera~

"Servant Archer. I answer to your summon."

EMIYA

"Okay, you'll do."

"Is that the type of attitude a novice should-"

Berserker walked up to Archer threateningly.

"... You have potential?"

Berserker went back to his usual spot. I clapped my hands.

"I'm glad we're getting along! Oh, Archer, this is Saber Lily."

"Hi!"

"What?"

Archer.exe is crashing.

"Kaleidoscope. Don't think about it, Emiya-Kun."

Of course, I said it in the Tohsaka tone of voice.

"What did you just say?"

He looked at me with shock showing in his eyes. I walked up to him and stared.

"Kaleidoscope. Don't think about it."

"...I think I'm gaining a Migraine right now."

The faker started rubbing his temples.

"Say, can you try projecting money?"

"Do I look like a counterfeiter to you?"

Did EMIYA really just ask that?

"Do you want me to answer that? Or should I use these to make you project a cotton candy machine and start working part-time now?"

I raise my command seals to emphasize my point.

"Isn't that against the law? Fake money does bad things to the local economy."

"We can pay them back later when we get some steady income! Saving the world isn't cheap you know!"

Anyway, I briefed Archer on the basic premise.

"I've been assigned some magical smartphone that's railroading me into saving various worlds. One such world involves world-ending spirits that are themed after the Kabbalah, another revolves around liberating an entire continent from sexual slavery, and in this world, well, here's how it goes."

One hyperspeed DXD explanation later…

"How can they get so many historical things wrong!? What do you mean there are multiple Excaliburs?! And what do you mean Oppai powers-"

EMIYA is getting triggered.

"Ooh, I want to meet my relatives! Le Fay sounds like a nice girl!"

And Lily, please focus.

I looked through the rest of my items while we began brainstorming on a strategy, most of them were three-star Craft Essences, although there were two four-star Craft Essences.

Three Star CE's (+7):

Grimoire…[Both a tome that chronicles the secrets of thaumaturgy and a record of the life of the magus who transcribed them] - Holy shit, I can actually use this to learn magecraft! Ainsworth? Even better!

Jeweled Sword Zelretch… I materialized it from my phone and started poking EMIYA for his attention.

"Hey, can you copy this?"

"Don't you think the Second Magic is a little bit too complicated for a mere bowman like me?"

"Come on, try! Do the thing. I am the bone of my sword."

"Suddenly I just lost all my motivation."

Well, at least I have a shiny sword.

Fragarach… EMIYA did in fact take an interest in it, although he didn't believe he could really use it, a sword is still a sword.

Elixir of Love

"We should totally sell this for money."

"NOOO! We can't interfere with true love!"

I was outvoted by EMIYA (what's his problem!) and Lily.

Elixir of Rejuvenation

"I always wanted to see EMIYA Lily. Come on, show me your inner Shirou by drinking this."

"I got him, Master!"

Lily was holding him to the ground. C Rank Strength > D Rank Strength

"No please! Anything but that!"

We gave him mercy, for now.

Runestones

Lol Runes. I'm going to keep this.

Reality Marble

A CE I can't take out from my phone but… I equipped it to EMIYA, who remarked upon an increased sense of power.

Now time to check out the four-star CE's.

I equipped the Craft Essence that depicted Illyasviel unto Berserker immediately. For a moment there, I thought I heard a voice of some sort, but I must have been hearing things. Hmm, Berserker has a strangely peaceful expression.

Holy Shroud of Magdalene

I brought it out and wrapped it around myself. This could be useful. I also did the free friend summoning, but all I got was 1 and 2 stars CE's and Exp cards.

Useless.

Except for leveling Lily and EMIYA up a bit. We need a plan of action. Staying close to this town is good for a Plot reason, but there is plenty of things we could get done. For example, rescue Valerie before they start using her as a weapon. I'll need a caster for that though but I think i will save up for 10-summoning. If I'm lucky I might get Medea in the FP summon, but what is luck? Is it tasty? The drop rate is a lie.

"Alright, we need cash. Anyone has an idea of a get rich scheme that does not offend your sensibilities?"

"I could get a job repairing cars?"

"Um, I can take care of horses!"

"Sorry, horses aren't so common these days."

"Aww…"

"Berserker, do you want to be a gym coach?"

"▂▂▃▃"

"Forget I asked. Ah, forget it! Archer! We're going to make some fake paperwork and hypnotize the hell out of innocent workers!"

"Um…"

"Look, I don't like conning a Muggle since I used to be one, but do you really want to use your real name in your identification papers?"

"Why do I need an I.D.?"

"Look. I just don't want to be stopped at the road by police if anything happens, okay?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday was a strange and terrifying day for one Issei Hyoudou. It was so surreal that he wondered if it was just a dream. Still, he felt strangely refreshed since he and his dream parents had a nice long chat about certain insecurities stemming from the circumstances of his birth and a certain fishing trip.

Their reactions that morning, however, cast doubt in the boy's thoughts over whether it was indeed a dream or not. Yet it comforted him to know that they loved him despite the fact they say he was hopeless all this time... And so he went back to school just like always.

He started asking around if anyone knew who Yuuma was, just in case. When no one said they remembered her, he too, began to wonder if it was alright to forget about it.

'Forget the bad, stick with the good. And by good, I mean Oppai!'

Oh, and plan out his next peeking session as well.

'Hmm, that's weird. Why is this bishonen bastard inviting him to the Occult Research Club? Ah, whatever. I get to meet the two great onee-sama's!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile…

"Only 2 Quartz? Damn, what a waste of time."

I mutter as I rolled Freed's severed head beneath my feet while the EMIYA finished binding the defeated Fallen Angels. Lily came out of the hidden underground chamber within the abandoned church.

"Master, Berserker's done burying everyone up to their necks and- what are you doing with that head?"

"Oh, I forgot."

"We should bury it."

"I was thinking that we should keep it, just in case he has a bounty on him."

"Master!"

"He's a serial killing rapist bastard! Surely there's someone with a grudge!"

Interrupting our minor disagreements, EMIYA chimed in.

"Master has the right idea with acquiring monetary or material compensation. It's simply an efficient course of action. I don't think anyone would begrudge us for desecrating his body."

"Archer!"

"Wait, let me ask some questions. Hey you, fedora edgelord! Does Freed have any siblings, like a little sister or something?"

"Why the hell should I answer you, bitch?! And what did you just call me?!!"

Trenchcoat edgy fallen angel replied as such.

"Archer, do the thing."

"Do what?"

"Stab him until he talks."

"Really?"

"What no! That would be a war crime silly! I already know he's an artificial human with no 'real' family. Yeah, part of the Siegfried, Sigurd, Sieg- whatever institution."

There was this female version of Freed that's basically not evil, even if she does curse a lot. Anyways, now that we raided their hideout for the impractical transfer of Asia Argento to devil controlled territory and the illegal Sacred Gear Extractor, we simply had to make contact with Azazel. If there was anyone that had access to resources and would spend it on an unknown factor, it will be him.

Unless of course, this was some AU in which Azazel is irredeemably evil. In that case, I'll sic Berserker on him. Now, where was his mansion again?

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