Pain

      The only thing left was Fauzan, who was in Jessi's room, accompanying the woman, who was just silent and daydreaming. Jeno has left to immediately start his activities, namely work, just like Alin and Surya.

    Earlier he had offered Jessi what would he like to have for lunch? However, the woman refused and remained silent until now. And all Fauzan can do now is eat his food without taste.

   "Jess, you don't want this? This is your favorite food," Fauzan offered again but didn't get a good response at all.

   Fauzan again bowed his head in sadness. Honestly, he felt useless as a partner, what was going on with Jessi he just didn't know. What was the cause of Jessi's behavior like this he didn't know anything?

    Fauzan put his foot on the chest of drawers next to the gurney. He chose to sit on the bed holding his lover's hand.

   "If you need to tell a story, I can be a good listener for you. Even if I were the topic of your troubled story, I'm ready to listen to it so that it can be used as material for introspection."

   Fauzan looked down at Jessi's pale face, expressionless. How big is the problem that Jessi is holding that makes her frustrated? Her heart throbbed painfully looking at and stroking the gauze-wrapped scar on Jessi's wrist.

   "Many people love you, Babe. I love you, I don't want you to be in trouble. Don't do this again, okay? In this world it's not that dark," he said holding back tightness.

   Jessi gave a sinister smile looking at the wide wall in front of her. He refused to look directly at the man who became his lover.

    "I don't have any problems. Last night I was just having fun, I wanted to know if I was still alive or not. My life is quite colorful with all the stories that come out. Nobody needs to worry and feel sorry," Jessi replied, making Fauzan's breath catch. How could this woman say that easily?

    "I'm that bad for you, aren't I? I've tried my best to change myself," said Fauzan, unable to hold back his chest that was getting tighter. He did not care if he would be considered weak because of crying. His heart couldn't take it anymore.

    Jessi turned her face to look at Fauzan with no expression. Examining every inch of the surface of his lover's face. Watching the drops of water that gradually began to fall from his lover's round eyes. Lips that trembled with a small sob accompanying.

    "My life isn't always about you, Babe. I already told you I'm doing this for fun. Don't cry!" His weak hands wiped the traces of tears that were left on Fauzan's smooth cheeks. So I can't bear to see Fauzan crying like this.

   Fauzan held Jessi's hand which was wiping her tears, he held her hand tightly. I don't know what's wrong with him, he's definitely in love with this one woman. A woman who knows how much patience in her life stock. Fauzan knows how difficult it is for Jessi's family and Jessi is the other way around. But, he didn't know if Jessi was so weak that he intended to end his life.

   In Fauzan's life, only Jessi can become everything in one body, one person, and one body. Although I don't know how much he had disappointed Jessi. Again and again, Jessi was able to forgive him unconditionally. If Jeno didn't save his sister's life that night, I don't know what Fauzan's life would be like in the future. No one is lazy in the formula for happiness, it's just that they are unable to accept other people's happy ways.

    His father is a cheater, his mother is authoritarian, possessive, everything is arranged whether he chooses the best for him or doesn't like it if his child is happy with his own choice. Fauzan is grateful that he still has both complete parents and when compared to Jessi, he is still one level above that woman. He still has a kind and patient lover named Jessica Afdhal Malika who he can always rely on.

    "Babe, I didn't do this because of you. Not because of anyone. No one needs to feel guilty about this. I did stupid things like last night because I was stupid. Because my mind was messed up. My life is meaningless. I'm too tired. , my heart is weak, I'm tired of this life. You or anyone else has nothing to do with this incident. Well, don't blame yourself." Jessi's hand continued to caress Fauzan's cheek to clean it from the traces of tears. Now he was the one who was flooded with tears.

   "You mean a lot to me, Babe. You are everything to me. You are special, don't do anything like that again! That's not good. You have me, you have your best friend, you have a god. I don't know if Jeno had to be late to save you last night, what will happen to me next." Fauzan gently stroked Jessi's head. Give her sincere love that never changes. Half of his life has been with Jessi, what he would do without Jessi really couldn't think of Fauzan. He needed her, but selfishly he never thought about what Jessi needed. If Fauzan asks what she needs, then he has to give up losing. Because Jessi's need is without her. Jessi would be happier without him. Fauzan didn't want to. Fauzan wants to be selfish when it comes to Jessi.

   "Sorry if I never let you go alone. Sorry if I seemed to restrain you. I never want to lose you, Babe. I will never get another woman like you. I love you so much, Babe." Fauzan's tears fell again.

    Jessie nodded her head. At this moment he felt how the old Fauzan had returned to him.

    Fauzan raised his face to look deeply at Jessi. There was one thing he wanted to confess to her. However, the fear of disappointing Jessi again appeared.

    "There's something I want to tell you. I know this might disappoint you, but I still choose to be honest. I don't want any secrets between us."

    "About what?" Jessica asked, frowning. He had already wiped his tears and Fauzan's tears too.

    Fauzan closed his eyes for a moment. Reassure him that everything will be fine. It would be worse if he didn't do it now. It would be more painful if Jessi found out from someone else. Then Fauzan opened his eyes again and started to speak after easing his tension.

   "The night after hanging out with you, Evelyn called me again asking to meet. I don't know where she got my number from again? But, I refused, I didn't meet her and she understood that." Fauzan tried to explain as calmly as possible so Jessi would understand and not misunderstand. He didn't want this to be the subject of a ruckus in his rekindled relationship.

    Jessi's face immediately tensed. He was shocked, just last night he made a failed suicide attempt because he was saved. This afternoon he was again ordered to commit suicide. Not silly, maybe it sounds normal. But, believe me, it hurts. His memories of past wounds came back. He who had almost forgotten it was forced to return to feel how painful that day was.

    "Are you sure you refuse? Don't you like that woman? My best friend? Evelyn," replied Jessi chuckling sarcastically. He remembered well how they got together and separated. How long have they been in love and who has been hurt. Jessi couldn't forget even though she had tried to forget for years.

     "I have absolutely no feelings for Lyn at all. Our relationship was only to my caliphate, my misbehavior, my curiosity. I have no intention of seriously liking him. I was stupid for doing that and getting stupid because of Evelyn the person. Sorry! But I don't have any feelings for him. I just love you, Babe. I'm serious honestly."

    Fauzan gripped Jessi's hand tightly, even unconsciously pressing the back of Jessi's hand which was wrapped in IV. Jessi also didn't brush it off as if she was enjoying the pain.

   "You know why I don't trust you, right?"