Chapter 100: It’s Not Easy to Cope

Summary:

Not easy in the slightest

Chapter Text

Lapis sat down in front of Steven's room. Since she didn't sleep she wanted to be there when he left for food … which was concerning since he hadn't left in two days. She made an excuse about being his bodyguard, but that was bullshit considering how locked up the room was. Even Star couldn't force her way inside.

She got the basics down of what happened to cause this downward emotional spiral. Steven's fusion with Kelly ended up going sour and they too had to be forced to separate. It was times like this that made lapis wish fusion didn't exist. 

She felt for Steven's situation, and if it was anything like her own, then the boy wasn't going to let anyone in anytime soon. Which meant that it was her job to vivisect anyone that wasn't family who got too close. "Still nothing?" Star asked, coming out of her own room as she gazed at the door.

"Still nothing." The gem confirmed. "I can't even slide food under the door." Lapis pointed at the uneaten plate. "It's that together breakfast he loves so much too."

"Ooh, this is bad." Star sighed. "Hey Steven, I have one last cookie cat stored in my closet, it's all yours if you come out!" There was a whole five minutes of no response. "Very bad."

"Tell me, was it bad?" Lapis asked. "Like..Malachite levels bad?"

"Yep, full toxic glue that refused to split up. Pretty sure everyone said something they regret." Star groaned. "I swear if I see that bushy haired girl again i'm gonna-"

A portal opened, Kelly came through, looking like she hadn't slept in days, red eyes and deep bags, stuck in pajamas with branches, trees, and food sticking out of her hair. "Hey Star …" She spoke in a very tired and broken voice.

"Lapis, I believe you know what to do." Star snapped her fingers.

"Yep." Lapis surrounded the hall with water and began sharpening the droplets into needles.

"Wait, wait, wait!! I came to talk, honestly!" Kelly dropped to the ground and got on her hands. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Too little, too late." Star growled. "Did you learn anything from Sardonyx, from Malachite!?"

"... Not to fuse without permission … or unless they understand the full story … make sure it's full of love for each other."

"Was that the case the last time?" Lapis decided to question. "Did everytime you fuse, was he the only one on your mind, or were you thinking of going back to that dust bunny that lived in your hair?"

"Only the first time … every time after I only thought about Steven …" Kelly sighed. "What we have is so much better! I can actually trust Steven to take care of me, if we were to drift for a million years in space, it'd be alright because he'd be there!"

"Do you want him all to yourself?" Star glared accusedly. "Are you willing to deprive him of every connection he has to keep him all to yourself?"

"No, I would never.."

"Including Jana?" Star added.

"I … I don't wanna exclude her … I really don't." The girl hugged her legs. "I don't know what to do! Every fight I had with Jad was over petty stuff I'd forget about in a day! This feels so messed up!"

 "How often did you talk about your problems?" Star asked.

"... Talk about them?"

"You and Tad?" Star pushed on. "How many times did you talk to each other, like how Mr. Universe and Pearl did during Empire city?"

"…We're supposed to do that everytime?" Lapis felt the need to slap her forehead. "We just said sorry at the same time and he jumped back into my hair."

"That's not how this works. To solve a problem like this, you BOTH need time to talk it out." Lapis said. "Like me and Peridot, we eventually got better."

"Alright, alright, I'll talk to him." She went to the door, moving her palm to it. "Steven, I-" The moment Kelly's hand touched the door a wall of pink spikes piped out of the wall, inches away from impaling the woolet. "…I don't think he wants to talk."

"Ugh. Well the important thing is that you know what you need to do." Star moaned. "Now we need to get Steven out of his room and out of his own head."

"Good luck, any time we try the dimensional scissors, we just get shoved out by a bubble." Lapis deadpanned. "No way inside and nothing we say gets him out."

"Nothing we say, is that right?" Star smirked. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but we need my parents to get more involved in my brother's life."

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"Remind me why we're doing this again?" The floating abomination spoke in a bored tone.

"Because the Crystal Clods and Star are busy trying to commune with Steven, and Marco's too busy dealing with all the drama that befell with the fusion between Steven and Kelly, thus you're the one of the few ally's I have left to rely on." Peridot admitted. "Now help me set up this trap, we'll catch the gem for sure this time."

"That's what you said the last fifteen times.." Ponyhead complains as she pushed the rock she needed into place.

"I don't see you coming with a plan to trap the beast neither of us can outrun." She countered.

"Because I know when something is clearly messing with us. Seriously, that crazy crystal rock thing has barely tried to avoid us, and we're still the ones getting tossed off cliffs."

"Well then suggest something to mess it back, or I'm sticking with my catapult and worm trap." She stared at the horse.

"Luckily for you, dealing with wild animals is kind of my thing, since that basically describes like half my ex boyfriends." The horse head snorted. "The trick is to get up close and personal, and make them feel like they can be safe around you, and BAM, you hit them with a doozy, and they're wrapped around your fingers."

"Alright … safe …" Peridot slowly approached the crazy legged freak. "Here corrupted Agate … here you mentally unstable creature." She spoke in a reassuring tone.

"Blaaagh!" It roared unintelligently as the dumb animal it was. How Steven was able to see any signs of empathy in that was a mystery lost to her.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just a gem, trapped on this rock like you." Peridot already lost her dignity, so she mentally shrugged as she got on all fours and approached closer. The Agate surprisingly didn't move when she started approaching. "I bet you feel really confused, you likely don't know what's going on in the world around you."

" Blaaaagh!"

"Nothing looks familiar, everything you once knew has been flipped backwards, and there's a couple of clods on your back chasing you all over the place." Peridot muttered as she crawled closer. "Huh, I can oddly relate to that feeling."

"Blaagh." It calmed down, staring into her eyes without looking, giving a few sniffs.

"You know … you're not so ba-"

A beam of energy shot into the creature, poofing it. "Nice job distracting it, P-dot!"

"A little close for comfort on that, Ponyhead! Could've given me more of a warning!" She was so lost in getting sentimental she almost poofed along with the Agate.

"Sorry, but you were overthinking your plans and getting stressed out and making simple mistakes!" Ponyhead justified it with a snort. "The only way this plan was going to work was if you got out of your own way."

She merely hummed, looking down on the stone and picking it up. Focusing, she tapped it, creating a green bubble. "My first bubble …"

"Nice. First you poof that orange puffball, now your making bubbles like Q-fly." Ponyhead eyes got weirdly watery. "Brings back memories….especially with all the explosions."

"Yeah…Ah..thanks…Ponyhead, for assiting me in this endeavor."

"No problem, little alien. Definitely better than trying to open Q-fly's room … got stuck in Jersey city without any explanation."

"Ah, is the human civilization there just as horrible as the stories proclaim?"

"Both yes and no. Mainly it's just filled with people who hate each other and the planet in general I guess."

"Had I not gained Marco's ally-ship, I would've called that paradise."

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Greg followed the Butterflies down the hall. "So his first break up … that's rough." He nodded. 

"According to Star, that remains to be seen, but yes, heartbreak is definitely a tumultuous time for anyone to experience." Queen Moon sighed in slight sorrow. 

"Don't I know it, though I was usually the heartbreaker rather than the heart broken." A new face he didn't recognise with green hair and spade cheek marks commented.

"I see … mrs …"

"Oh, I don't believe we've met." She held out her hand. "Eclipsa Butterfly, apparent queen of darkness."

He shook it with a sly smile. "Greg Universe, failed rockstar and car washer."

"Sorry for calling you out of the blue, Greg, but our boy has been in quite of slump for the past few days." River explained. "He never comes out of his room, and if he does, he just uses lion to go who knows where."

"Yeah, I was in a spot like that when I lost Rose … I think I can talk to him a bit." He nodded as they came to a pink door. He went to kno-

"I wouldn't do that … the last person to touch the door got spikes." Star grabbed his hand and pulled back. "It's really bad, he's regrown all the spikes and horns on his body."

"Horns…I thought he was cured of his corruption." Moon said aghast. "Don't tell me this is another fritz."

"No…he just called himself a monster and his powers just..shaped him into something spikier." The blue gem standing next to Star explained.

"Oh poor dear, he's so heartbroken that he thinks of the term in a negative connotation." Eclipsa signed. "This is getting more troublesome by the second."

Greg took all the information in, turning to the door, gathering all the parental books he's ever read, along with his knowledge as a man on the road, and said what made the most sense. "You know, spikes are very in this season, very flattering." A perfect ice breaker. They all stared at him with looks of deadpan and it seemed like they were about to face palm.

"Oh sure, I'm as cuddly as a porcupine now. That's a super attractive trait everyone's going to love." Steven said from inside of his room with a sarcastic tone.

"We got a response!" Star whisper shouted. "Keep going!"

"I knew a porcupine once, a lovely little fellow. Made some wood carvings and had a job as a tea merchant." Eclipsa added in. "You shouldn't feel ashamed because you look different."

"Yeah, what about when I feel different? Because let me tell you, I'm looking straight into my soul right now and I hate who's right there." His son bitterly responded. 

"So what if you made a few mistakes." Greg answered. "Who hasn't? Some people become tyrants, some people stab the wrong guy, others try the mullet." It was a dark time. "... And others end up not standing next to someone they love when they're about to give birth …"

"Exactly! Everyone would've been better off if I wasn't born.." Steven continued on with his dark train of thought.

"Rose wouldn't." He spoke seriously. "She was happy you were going to be born."

"Yeah, because now she doesn't have anyone complaining about how bad of a person she was." He grumbled from the door.

"You don't think it ever got to her? Because it did Steven. More than you'd ever think." Eclipsa added. "There were many moments where I'd see her cry in the rose garden, in the exact same state you are in now, over the friends she had failed, over how she chose to protect monsters over my mother, her friend that she watched grow up from a baby. The difference here is that we all know about what you've been through."

"Exactly Steven, please, please don't shut us out, don't." Moon cried a little. "Some of the best moments of my life were when I could just be with you and Star, and just talking. I liked doing it with Rose, and I love doing it with you."

"Please, come out." River joined. "The world can be so much brighter than you imagine."

There was a tense silence, everyone looked at each other, before the door opened, revealing Steven … bundled up in a blanket … and a face much worse than shapeshifting alone could accomplish. Red eyes with bags, tired and exhausted with a dry mouth showing off pink fangs.

"Honestly, you're still the cute bundle of joy I've come to enjoy." Eclipsa snickered. "I know for certain you'd be a lady killer with the monster crowd

"... I technically killed a lady already … three if you count what my mom did …" He responded, walking out of the room and down the hall, a large pink tail dragging along.

"He's out of his room, so that's step two out of the way." Star pounded her fists. "Were any of your break ups ever this messy?"

"Not sure, usually they just tried to assassinate me so they were banished." Moon admitted.

"There was an ax involved, after that it got fuzzy." River recalled.

"Still get deathreats every day." Greg and Eclipsa turned to each other with wide eyes.

"Quite a few of mine are immortal."

"Used to be famous, so quite a few are bitter."

"Care for some tea later?"

"I'd be delighted." It was nice to meet someone so relatable.

"... If my son wasn't in a mental breakdown state, I'd be drinking right now." Moon spoke.

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"Alright, I'm here, what's …" Tom stared at the absolute trash heap of a hut... "What's … the deal here …?"

"Deal? The deal is life is awful because we're all just terrible people that'll hurt everyone we get close to." A disheveled and red eyed Kelly moaned as she laid down on a couch on top of empty pizza boxes."

"Okay, can I get a non depressing and vague answer out of you?" He sighed

"Me and Steven broke up violently … literally had to beat us out of a fusion …" She hugged a pillow. "I wouldn't delete some messages … now all this happened."

"Let me guess, they were all from Tad?" Tom summed up. "How many messages were there? One. Two? Five?" He asked.

"As of now, sixty."

"... You know I wasn't THAT obsessive right?" He asked. "I just sent a message once every few months when she didn't pick up, just asking for a chat." Seriously, some people were really clingy.

"It wasn't that big of a deal! I just held on to them just in case.."

"Just in case?" Tom raised two of his three eyebrows. "Just in case of what?"

"You know … just in case Steven wasn't around, or started noticing other girls, or pissed me off one night.." Kelly began crying harder. "Except when I listened to Fad's voice, all I had was the feeling of a sword in my stomach!"

"That's guilt. And that usually happens when you do something you shouldn't." He groaned. "The only reason why someone would hold on to so many messages without deleting them is if they expect the relationship to fail."

"But I don't want it to fail! I just … me and Yad fought all the time, and we always had this system going where we had buffers to fall back on when we split up. Steven was mine before we dated…"

"A relationship shouldn't have buffers." Tom said with a frown. "If you can't agree, you just argue and talk it out."

"Didn't Star dump you because all you did was argue?"

"Yes, I tried to talk to her, but I couldn't do it without getting angry, and I lit a lot of things on fire." Tom sighed, still a bit ashamed of who he was. "But we eventually started talking normally again. It was when we could talk about the good and bad stuff in our lives that we were able to date again."

"Me and Steven always just focused on making each other feel better." Kelly rubbed her eyes. "Though it was mainly him telling me how amazing and confident I was. I mostly let myself bask in the warmth."

"Then of course your fight was so bad. You were both holding in your frustrations and it reached a boiling point."

"Frustrations just ruin a relationship …. You shouldn't be mad with someone you like." The girl huddled up deeper in her filth.

"But that's exactly why you need to work through it together." Tom kept pressing on. "If you're just going to ignore the problem, you'll just make the same mistake over and over again, which is exactly how I'd describe your relationship with Tad."

She groaned. "This is gonna suck … so much yelling and guilt …" She covered her face with her hands. "I may as well die here and now."

"Oh come on, this is Star's brother we're talking about. Steven? The guy who likes wearing pink and always tries to find a way to sing in any opportunity he's given?" Tom pointed out. "The one that's all about giving people second chances even if they literally try to kill him?"

"Yeah…it's so naive…and adorable at the same time." Kelly squeezed her pillow so tight that the stuffing popped out. "But he was so angry when we last talked to each other, he's never been angry with me before."

"He's been angry with me before. He's been angry with Star. He's been angry with his mom. With the gems, with Marco…" Tom carried on. "It's taken me a long time to accept this, but anger's a part of who we all are as people…it's a hurdle we all face, but it's one that's easier to jump over when we can work with other people."

"Yeah … thanks Tom." She muttered. "I needed this."

"Happy to help." He nodded, before covering his nose. "Now maybe you can work on fixing this pigsty of a house."

"..This house is my mom."

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Star watched as her brother simply stared at a flower in the rose garden, his eyes dilating with pink and slits. "Why do you go on, simple flower? You grow to hurt people with thorns then die. Is it because you're born pretty? Do people just like watching violence as an inherent nature of self destruction?" He asked the plant.

"Maybe if you use some of your spit on it, it'll give you an answer." Star suggested half jokingly.

He stared at her, before licking his finger and gently poking it, the rose soaring into the sky as more spikes pierced the ground, killing another bush by accident. "... Great … I may have killed a bug … wouldn't be the worst thing I've done."

"Steven, Jasper's corruption wasn't your fault, and neither is Mina's complete meltdown into madness." Star said bluntly as she sat right beside her brother. "They did that to themselves, heck, you tried to help Jasper. It's on her for swatting you away."

"Yeah, well I threw Mina into the void, which only made her hate us even more, which is what led her to teaming up with Jasper." Steven granted as he slammed his stubborn horn filled head into the ground. "Face it, Star. Everything that I do somehow spirals back to bite us in the butt. I can't do anything right without getting everyone I love hurt or worse."

"You can't account for every little thing that goes wrong for us. You're not some mastermind villain or anything." Star countered. "If anything, you're far from the awful person Rose is.."

"But that's it, I'm just like Rose." He growled. "I manipulated Kelly into breaking up with Tad, I say I want to help everyone but I just end up fighting them, I leave everyone behind to do what I want." He huddled up. "But at least she could live with it. I was fine when I heard she killed Solaria, why is Pink Diamond such a big deal?"

Star sighed as she gently rubbed the scaly skin of her brother. It was surprisingly smooth. "Okay, first of all, your frustration is making you misremember A LOT of the important details on a few of those things. And second of all, it's because we're still kids and we're still comprehending the fact that people die in stuff like wars."

"It's not just wars." He muttered. "A lot of people and things die all the time …" Tears started to fall. "Why … why does bad stuff keep happening to us?"

"I don't know Steven, I really don't know." Star had to keep herself from breaking down along with her brother, trying to fight back the tears that were falling off her face. "I am still coping with the fact of how horrible of a princess I really am."

"You're not…"

"I am! I hated monsters for most of my life! I was exactly the type of princess that the commission wanted me to be!"

"And you're fixing your problems! Look at me, I try and I just keep repeating the same old mistakes!"

"Repeating mistakes, look at who you're talking to!" Star pointed to herself. "I'm still that same dumb girl who's brain is so scattered that she can't even do the simplest of magic! Because of me, Toffee was able to use you to hurt the gems! I ruined Marco's relationship with Jackie and just left him alone on earth because of how selfish I was in trying to keep him away!" Star felt her body getting wobbly. "It's only because of you that I learned how to be nice to monsters, that they're more than just the mindless I assumed they were!"

"I'm sorry I'm such a screw up!" He hugged her, the spikes fading a tad as she could feel her dress get wet. "I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough brother to make you think you're more than that!"

"You're the best brother I could ask for, I'm the one who's a terrible sister! I keep failing to protect you!" She felt her face marks get warm as Steven's body shrunk. "I knew about the problem with Kelly and I didn't tell you, I didn't warn you about the signs of trouble.

"The problem was my fault. I made her addicted to fusing with the blood moon ball. We could have just stayed friends if it never happened." He hugged her tight, tears falling. "Why can't we be friends?"

"I ask myself everyday about Marco. I want to be his friend, I want to stay his friend…but I always keep thinking about how we could be more." Star laughed hollowly. "Look at me, finally in a stable relationship with Tom yet I still keep thinking about Marco."

"Why do we mess up relationships all the time? Why can't we just keep one simple romance?" She had no answer, hugging him tight. "Is there anything we can actually do right?"

She was about to say something, maybe a joke to lighten the mood, only to tap his shoulder and point to the ground. "Steven, your tears." On the ground were some of the most lush and beautiful looking roses she's ever seen surrounding the both of them.

"Heh…I've heard of a green thumb…never green tears.." Her brother laughed, and she joined him, her now non spikey-plushy looking brother. Even in the middle of this mess, they could make something incredible out of it.