WHERE AM I IN LIFE?

I wish I was dumb enough to follow my heart or smart enough I don't know, to make decisions without putting enough thought, I wish I was someone who went with his instincts or someone who could find what to do everyday and sleep with satisfaction, but I'm not. It's a sad problem I have when you think about it. I wish I could just for one day follow my thoughts, thoughts that would lead me to love, love that I can have if not for long but for the time enough to make me happy. I don't want to be alone but I can't help myself dislike company, I want to have friends who understand me, friends that are not fake, friends that just sometimes would think of me not as a dustbin for their thoughts and problems but for a real human being, a friend in need of support and hope. I rarely share my feelings with someone, I don't have anyone to call in times of distress, in situations that just need little motivation to get through with. I want to have real conversations with people who are smart enough to analyse them and help me and not tell me that I can take care of it myself, I hope that someday I'll be smart enough to get through life without others or would find friends who make life easier.

I live by these hopes everyday just waiting for the day everyday.