A mere reflection

What happens when someone has to share their skills and talents with another? When all they are is a clone of someone else? How is someone supposed to feel when all their life has been nothing but a mere reflection of another's?

For as long as I could remember my entire life has been this journey of following the steps of those above me. That's not to say I'm not a real person, I eat and breathe the same as anyone else, but for most of my childhood, I felt as though I was a nobody, a replaceable piece of a puzzle, a shadow that was cast by a bright light.

I guess to make sense of my insecurities I have to think back to when I was still a young boy, an orphan raised in my little village out in the middle of nowhere, away from the bustling kingdoms where the rich spent their nights in brothels with women and wine. I was one of many orphans, but I in particular lived my life alongside another, found the same day as I was, was my adopted twin brother Arthur.

We both grew up in pretty much the same situation, mirrors of each other, we ate the same food, went to the same school and even trained under the same regiment for the village guards, which in our childhood we both looked up to greatly.

Our similarities ended there though, for as great or intelligent we were, we were not the same person and there was one thing Arthur excelled more than I.

Charisma.

How do I know? Well, it was a slow process, at first I thought it was just because he talked a lot, but eventually, I realised it wasn't just that, it was the fact he genuinely was bright like the sun itself, a shining symbol of happiness and greatness, something I clearly lacked since I fell to the wayside.

Knowing our differences, I lost my will to do anything, what was the point after all? I do my best, but that was echoed by Arthur in tenfolds, so why try at all?

Everything just became mundane in the end, even training with the village guards, which was a privilege for any young adolescent boy or girl. Being a guard was considered a high position, one full of rewards and fame. Yet, despite all of those promises, it amounted to nothing when compared to the happiness I wished for.

So, exercises became nothing more than a pastime, an activity to relieve my boredom.

I remember it quite vividly, the last time I trained with the guards. We were made to line up while the instructor watched us perform techniques that were hammered into us through exercises.

By that point, I had cared very little for the work we were made to do, so while Arthur practised the techniques I stayed in my room to read a book.

Anywho when it was time to be tested, I was up first. I may not have wanted to work, but it was still a privilege to be there, so I at least tried to look like I was interested and readied the blade on my side.

I eyed my target, took a deep breath and then lunged forward with as much strength as I could muster. Then, in one motion, I took my blade off its sheathe and sliced the dummy in half.

"Very good."

The instructor then dismissed me and recorded my score on his clipboard with a small smile on his face. Though it didn't last long because it quickly returned to the stern expression he had before as he called for the next person to go up.

Arthur was last so all eyes were on him, the air was tense, expectations were high and much like anything he did, excitement was rumbling all around.

Eyeing the dummy, Arthur readied his blade and the moment the instructor yelled go, he zipped forward, dug his blade into the dummy's side, and cut it cleanly in half.

Silence then fell on us before a roar of glee erupted from the other students in our regiment. They quickly crowded around Arthur and started telling him about how great he was and how they wished they could do what he did. Meanwhile, I was off the side watching the entire thing unfold and the veins of our instructor start to pop out from the noise.

Everyone received a good punch to the head before they all lined up to receive their scores. As per usual, Arthur and I received perfect scores while the others varied, but just because my brother received a perfect score everyone felt like they all received perfect scores and once again cheered to high heavens.

It was a nice show of morale I suppose so it wasn't a bad thing in my opinion, though doing it in the middle of the instructor's lecture probably wasn't the best of ideas.

After training Arthur and I returned to the orphanage and helped prepare dinner, and just like in our regiment our orphan siblings were all celebrating Arthur's excellent performance.

"Of course Arthur got perfect scores, he always gets perfect grades in school, training wouldn't be any different."

"Yep, I'd be more shocked if he got anything less than that."

Yes, it would've been shocking if he got anything lower, though I doubted that there was a reality where he would have been anything less than perfect.

While I listened to the others talk about Arthur's perfection, I had my own little conversation with the nun that had taken care of us since we were children, sister Ella.

"How about you Noc? How is your training and studies going?"

"Um, nothing special I suppose, same as Arthur's pretty much."

"My, that's wonderful! I'm glad you two are working hard."

"Yeah I guess."

I continued to eat in silence, but sister was expecting a bit more, judging from the confused look she had on her after I just went back to my dinner.

"Um, Noc?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't you have anything else to share?"

"Not really."

"Huh?"

My siblings heard our short conversation and told sister Ella not to bother with me too much since I often had nothing great to talk about, or as they put it, "a boring life full of nothing exciting, or special."

Sister didn't appreciate the critical view that my siblings had and scolded them for belittling my efforts. But I couldn't really blame them, they were right, I was just going about a day-to-day cycle of studying, training and then sleeping, a mundane life for a mundane person, just as they said.

Still, I appreciated sister's attempt to show some interest in me, but I wasn't cruel enough to tell her about my monochromic life. I was fine with staying unheard, unseen and unimportant, it was who I became to be after all.

Unfortunately, while I was ready to surrender to an empty life, sister wasn't and after dinner, once everyone had dispersed, she called for me and took me outside where we then just sat on the grass, staring at the stars.

I didn't understand what was the point of bringing me out for some star gazing, but I found myself relaxing beside sister and watching the twinkling orbs of light above us.

While staring at the lights, sister kept pointing out different stars, each one either bright or dimmer than the next.

I found the entire thing to be confusing, not because I didn't understand how light worked, but rather, why was she showing me stars?

At first I thought maybe she just wanted to share an interest of hers but considering all she did was point out their brightness I thought maybe she wasn't really into stars after all.

With curiosity eating away at my mind, I decided to just ask.

"Um sister?"

"Hmm? What's wrong?"

"Why did you want to watch the stars with me?"

She gave me a small smile before staring back at the sky.

"Take a long look at the sky right now."

A rather odd request but I did as she asked and stared at the starry sky. It was a beautiful sight, countless shining gems all dotted across a black canvas that was the night sky. But despite the spectacle, I still questioned the purpose of our stargazing activity.

I was gonna ask again, but then sister beat me to the punch.

"The brightest star in the sky, do you think it alone, can create such a beautiful sight?"

"Huh?"

"Well, Noc?"

I pondered on the question a bit, a part of me wanted to say yes, sometimes the sky only had one star and it still looked nice. But once I glanced back up at the sky and saw the twinkling rivers, my head instinctively shook from side to side.

"Exactly! Just because one star is brighter, does not mean every other star is irrelevant to the sky."

I never heard sister that excited before, she was beaming in glee. But she soon returned her attention to the sky and one again spoke in a gentle manner.

"Noc, don't feel as though you aren't worth anything just because you aren't Arthur. Just like how stars, despite not all being the brightest in the sky, are all still important to the beauty of the night. Noc, you are not lesser, you are an equal, but you are not the same and there is no need for you to be, all you need to do, is find your own path… your own shine."

After that, we both returned indoors to retire for the night. But even when I was in the comfort of my bed, wrapped in the warmth of my blankets, my mind swirled with the words sister told me.

As a growing child, I could not fathom them easily, what greater life could there have been other than the one led by Arthur? He had everything, looks, talent, charisma… what sort of life could one possibly have led that would be equal to that of his?

Well, for a while the answer was not clear to me, but eventually, through all the muddled thoughts and doubts I found my answer… or at least what I thought was an answer.

There were only so few things I could change between me and Arthur, so what I could do to differ from was limited. But, there was something that I thought was nothing more than my desire to be him rather than my own personal ambition.

The town guards.

Sure it was a privilege and I was glad to be there when I started, but when I really thought about it, I realised I cared very little for the post.

So when I found myself with some free time on my hands, I visited my instructor and announced my wish to retire from the guards.

He was shocked to say the least.

"What why?!"

"I just don't want to be a guard anymore."

"But you were doing so well in training, you can't quit now."

"No, I… I just don't think this is where I want to be."

That argument silenced my instructor, but I could see the uncertainty that was painted on his face. Between honouring my wishes and keeping me, what he considered a talented individual, he just couldn't readily decide and so I stayed there for a while before he agreed to let me go.

"Very well, I will release you from the group."

"Thank you sir, it's been an honour."

"Likewise."

With my resignation finished, I decided to think about what I would do from then on.

At first I thought I would just work in the village on the farm or something, but since I lived in a small village, there were only so many things one could do.

I wandered about for days and asked everyone if they needed a helping hand, but everyone was managing with what little help they had or were just fine going at it alone. I was starting to think maybe I made a critical mistake.

But one day, I found a group of men all gathered just outside the village with weapons in hand.

I've seen them before, but I never really paid attention to what it was they did, I just assumed they were also guards.

Curiosity taking over, I walked up to the men and greeted them nervously.

"He-hello."

"Hmm?"

They turned to me confused since I was a scrawny kid compared to their towering bodies. The group asked if I needed something and I told them what it was I wanted, to which one of the men responded gleefully by telling me they were hunters.

But not just any hunters though, nope, rather than animals, these guys hunted people, criminals to be precise.

"I never knew there were people who did that besides the guards."

"Well not every guard can always come to the rescue, which is why we exist!"

"Wow."

"So kid, wanna join?"

The man who was explaining everything was then smacked in the back of the head by his comrade, who scolded him for recruiting someone so young. The man tried to play it off as a joke, but his party didn't think it was all that funny.

But, seeing those people, it lit something in me that I never felt before. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, something about the group, who I never noticed before, doing such incredible acts, inspired me.

I returned home that night with something I never had before, ambition.

Day and night I would train my body, exercising to get a physique worthy of being a hunter, luckily I didn't need to do much since I trained with the guards. Still, I needed to better myself in every way.

I returned to the guards for help as well, asking them if I could borrow their training grounds and sit in on some lessons to better my combat skills.

I kept this up for years, learning as many things as I could that I thought were necessary for the job, from camping to medicine, I learned it all.

Years went by and finally, I asked the group if I could join them.

"You want to be a hunter?"

"Yes."

"But why? There's no glory in this job."

"I'm aware, and it's not glory I want, I just want to do something that's not here."

"Huh?"

"I don't really know how to put it, but, here I don't feel like I can do anything that I can be proud of and besides everyone's fine on their own or already has someone else helping them, so it's not like they'll hire me."

"What about the guards."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

I balled my fist and bit the bottom of my lips, the words I was about to say were only going to paint me as someone who's probably selfish or picky, but I know I needed to be honest.

"Because my brother is there, and… he and I are practically the same, whatever we did, wherever we went, I was nothing more than a lesser reflection of him."

The men lightly gasped, but they stayed silent as I continued to talk about Arthur and me.

"I thought that I would live on forever as a lesser version of him, but I was told that I needed to find my own path, my own shine, and I think this is where I'll find something for myself, I don't know what it is yet, but I feel like this where I want to be."

The men all looked at each other before sharing a smile, then, they turned back to me and one of them, the leader I presumed, stretched out his hand to me.

"Very well, we'll take you on boy."

I could feel my heart burst out of my chest and tears welled up in the corners of my eyes, ready to stream down from the sheer joy I felt.

With a wide grin, I took the man's hand and gripped it firmly.

"Welcome to the Hunters."

"Thank you, I'll do my best!"

For most of my life I felt like I was a reflection of another, an inferior copy of someone perfect. It ate at me day and night, lessening my sense of self by the second. But when I was told that I was no different than those I held above me, it gave me a reason to step away and truly think about myself.

In the end, my search was not in vain, for I found a path to call my own.