The Feeling Most Talk About

Everyone gets that feeling, right? The feeling of dread, caused by, love, stress, sadness, and nerves.

In 6th grade I started noticing girls. I had the biggest crush on this tall brunette. I had no chances with her, I looked like a fucking gremlin.

My friends rooted me on trying to get me to ask her out. "Go do it bro!" said Carmen. "Yeah what's the worst that could happen?" said Kevin. I responded "I'll do it, fine. But I'm writing a note." "Aw, that's no fun, but all good," said Carmen.

I began writing the note. I ripped off the corner off a page in my old ruled spiral journal. On it the words read "Would you like to go out with me?" The note was about the size of a very small post-it note. I was ready to give it to her.

That day the teachers were gone in my 6th period class. So instead of doing our normal routine we watched a movie, Napoleon Dynamite to be exact.

"I'll give it to her at the end of this class period when we are exiting out the door," I said. "Do it now bro," Carmen said impatiently. Meanwhile, Kevin was on his phone playing a game instead of watching the movie. "I'm not doing it in front of everyone in here, and especially not in front of her friends," I answered back.

"Hand me the note, let me read it," Carmen stated. I handed him the note. His grip was firm.

At that moment I wondered why I ever gave him the paper.

He raised his hand and threw the note across the room over to my crush. It landed at the feet of her friend.

My heart dropped.

My breathing for shaky.

It felt as if there was a lump in my throat.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT," I yell underneath my breath. Carmen just shrugged.

I look back over at my crushes friend, she passed it to my friend Chance. Chance and I rarely talked, but we were close enough to be friends.

Chance passed the note to me. I had never felt more relieved at the time.

I was worried though her friend and my friend both knew about my crush on her.

I thought that was the worst that stress could get.

I thought it was over…

Oh, I was wrong, so wrong…

This was the beginning to my mental decline.