Ｃｏｎｆｕｓｉｏｎ　宛ろ映

(Tw: Self-harm and panic attacks)

Ｕｎｎｅｒｖｉｎｇ　暗にヲ

[ ｃａｕｓｉｎｇ　ｏｎｅ　ｔｏ　ｌｏｓｅ　ｃｏｕｒａｇｅ　ｏｒ　ｃｏｎｆｉｄｅｎｃｅ;　ｄｉｓｃｏｎｃｅｒｔｉｎｇ]

"You are mine...aren't you ?"

You blurted that out without even thinking about it all the way, what was going through your mind! Growling you grab your cheeks with your hands digging your fingernails into your face, panting hard while you try to control your thoughts and stop this disgusting emotion from taking over you any more than what it is.

"Doflamingo, Get her out and make sure she is alive...then come back." You let out a demand with a shaky breath as you try to not hurt anyone or make a mistake.

"But-"Doflamingo questions you but he kind of gets the gist of what's wrong with you, you were confused like him.

"Shut up and do what I say...Now!" You growl out while you feel your cheeks heat up and it feels like warm tears coming down your face as your nails dig into your skin more.

You hear the rustling of clothes and the gasp of the woman as you assume Doflamingo is doing what you said, but it doesn't bring you any peace knowing that she is still alive. Your throat burns while you try to breathe in so to fix your problem, you pull your hands off your face to scratch your throat as you try to loosen the invisible noose around your neck. 

"(Y/n)" 

You scratch more feeling slight wetness from your eyes as tears flow down your cheek mixing with some other warm liquid as you continue to caw at your neck trying to breathe. Gasps are echoed in the room while a huge frown is painted blonde man's face but it soon turns into a grin while watching you break down, rose-tinted sunglasses shine in the darkroom.

"(Y/n)" Doflamingo steps slowly towards you unknowing to you though as oxygen is the only thing on your mind. 

You feel arms wrap around your waist pulling you into a tall shirtless chest and a hand petting your hair softly and slowly, trying to calm you down. You still continue to cawl at your throat but you slow down as your vision gets blurry, your mind on the other hand is filled with racing thoughts of your past.

A one-bedroom apartment in the city

A time where you thought the 'One' existed, you shared the apartment with your boyfriend at the time an almost four-year relationship. When you thought you were getting married to this man, you rejected many people and offers to cheat with them. Many relationships you sacrificed for this relationship, even your family ...you left them for him. What a pathetic person you were back then, a doormat, just some girl who would give up her dreams up for a man who she loved.

'What was I thinking?'

There was no trace of your current self in the least, all the confidence, spirit, will, determination, and pride. None of that, you worked so hard for these things to move on. 

'But why did I have to?'

Your insatiable heart that you have now, was full then well before everything changed...

'What happened to me?'

Your four-year anniversary and when you finally got a part in a drama...

'I worked so hard for it!'

When you got back to tell your boyfriend the news...

'Smack' You grabbed your cheek in pain and shock as tears start to form

'Are you stupid or something, that little part of yours isn't going to pay the rent now that we have graduated...All you always talk about is acting but nothing of a real job.' As he packs up his suitcase he grabs a few pictures out of his wallet throwing them on the floor.

'I can't stand you anymore, well I never really could stand you actually...you were just a cash cow for me but now that your family died you used all the money up ...I actually am getting married next week...so I guess this is goodbye..'The only thing he left was pictures of him and some blonde girl having sex, making out and...their child.

'You fucking bastard!' You never felt so much rage before as you cry and put your hands on your cheeks gripping them making tears and blood flow down your cheeks as you pant trying to breathe but unlucky you passed out on the floor in your own tears and blood.

'Ah...that's what happened to me...But how did I change so much?' 

A few weeks after the breakup, you took a deep breath in as you looked in the mirror smiling you breathe out letting your muscles relax.

'Violet? Do you regret leaving Samuel?' A blond girl with a huge smile on her face asks as she drinks some boba tea.

'Hannah...Do I seem bothered about leaving your boyfriend? I had my fun with him, so why did you come here?'You sip your boba as you play with your sharp nails in a bored fashion.

'...You Bitch! How dare you play with people's feelings then leave them to rot! ' She throws her drink in your face making you smirk as you fall down with tears in your eyes grabbing the attention of others around the cafe.

'Cut!'

'That was perfect (Y/n) and Layla! Five-minute break then we will shoot the next scene!' The director smiles waving you and your friend off as you grab some napkins whipping your face to get the boba off and grabbing your wig to take off of a minute.

'Violet...the villainess of 'Passionate Dreams'...Someone who did what she wanted and who she wanted with confidence, an insatiable heart...Someone who could control her thoughts, emotions, and a queen of acting...Someone who would torment the pure and innocent heroine and moreover, she would also harass the male leads.....at least till the end of the series where her downfall is...turns out she was someone who was ill...Hannah, the crying heroine, who pitted the villainess after she found out the truth...but she smiled as she called the heroine a lucky person with a loving family, friends, and boyfriend...but she said this as her last words...

'Hannah, I had no one to love me even when I did nothing...People called me a villain ever since I was born...It's a life that you would not be able to understand...Isn't it better to die as a villain than to die as a lunatic?... That's why I decided to become a villain for real...To torment those who had everyone's love, without lifting a finger, was really enjoyable. But now at least no one will remember me as a lunatic...So don't misunderstand this was never because of you, to begin with...I am here because of my own choices, I have no regrets, not even one !"

'After playing the role of 'Violet' I fell in love with the character so I became more like her...She was what I wanted to be and I could relate to that a lot... So my heart became insatiable....'

"(Y/n)! Breathe in and out slowly and don't worry I'm here...please calm down!" Doflamingos voice brings you out of your past and gets you to stop clawing at your throat as you start to breathe in and out slowly.

"Doflamingo..."You look up at him with your bloody face and a look of pity at him comparing him to Violet a bit.

"Darling...Are you ok?"He leads you to his bed sitting down on his as he holds you painting his chest in your blood and tears.

"I'm sorry....."You smile up at him putting a bloody face on his face then sighing debating what to say before sliding off his sunglasses.

"...What?"Doflamingo looks at you confused at your apology but enjoys your touch.

"I think I know why I wanted you the most...why I wanted to at least keep you as mine."You smile as you finally relax and understand a little why you did what you did.

"Wanted me the most?... Keep me as yours?" Doflamingo's smile is filled with confusion but also proudness, at the fact you wanted him the most.

"You are a villain like she was, a villain who was hated for even being born...Someone who no matter if you did good or bad you were painted like a villain...so if people made you a villain without your choice you wanted to become a true villain am I right?..."

"...You know too much, don't you?" He growls out but just nods at your words.

"So when I saw you with the blonde girl, it seemed to trigger some bad memories...So I flipped but you did flip back on me so I would say we are even right ?"You smile licking your blood off your fingers healing your body as your heart feels better.

"...Are you ok tho?" You nod and smile at his sweet side still making you cuddle in his chest.

"I'm better now, but do you know about my dreams to have a harem? You are the third person in my harem that I have...But I like you more because of your similarities to her. "

"Who is her? And Harem? You didn't tell me anything about that.."

"Good...At least now you know about it...Who she is, is none of your business yet...I actually think I have told you enough things for now ... I just came here for a snack which was you but now my mood has changed... I'm headed back now ...look of for me coming back when I get to sabaody ok?" You smile getting up kissing his lips softly as you look at him standing up, covered in your blood and tears. Sighing you grab a camera out of your pouch snapping a picture of him looking like a bloody sexy mess.

"I'll keep this close to my heart...You have been upgraded to my little villain instead of my little birdy...~ Farwell for now!"You disappear from his bedroom, appearing on the rooftop of a random building in whiskey peak.

Sighing as you look at the sun setting which means it's party time, what choice should you choose. Drinking contest or fucking an extra? Booze time it is! Grabbing a cigarette from your pouch and a lighter as you chuckle thinking of Ace's power will replace the said lighter you grab. Lighting the cigarette you jump down landing near a 'Nun' and a child, they gasp at your appearance but all you do is inhale and combine Smoker's power making a smoke heart and wink at the 'Nun'.

"Wow, I have never been so jealous of a God before ...How can they have someone as pretty as you!"You grab her hand kissing her in a studying manner, watching her reaction to your flirting.

"Gasp....Mnn doesn't be jealous of the Gods..."She blushes as she tries to talk to you but she doesn't notice that she said Gods instead of one God.

"Aww, a Blushing Nun how lucky am I? But I'm wondering if you can show me where the party is !" You smile and pull her in your arms, her back to your chest, leaning your face into her neck.

"Come on darling~"You smile blowing some air on her back making her blush more as she nods and she starts walking towards a loud house with cheers. Walking inside you see you are just in time to join the drinking contest and you stop to talk to Zoro first.

"Hey, Mosshead !"You smile running into him with your arms open and him catching you in a hug.

"What! Perverted Woman!"Zoro blushes as you snuggle in his arms, so you decide to embarrass him more by kissing his lips in a loving peck.

"Let's have some fun!!"