the festering

Mc like a psycho, he hates his brothers because he didnt like how they were in the show so he starts neglectic them and festering feelings of inferiority and jelousy in them for the grand crime of daring to be a character he didnt like in a tv show

I've also had this Fanfic Idea festering in my mind but I would rather wait for another Author to make it than make my own so thank you for this gift.

# The Bad ## As of ch 25 ### Basic writing stuff - Use woman instead of female, none calls a lady a female, if you unironically do this in your mind you are probably an incel or something. The narrator doesn't need to be an abstract and scientific account of the world, it's there to communicate to the reader, no reader should be calling a woman a female unless in very specific circumstance like in a lab or doctor's office. - Not everything needs to have a metaphor accompanying it to give impact, some even don't make a lot of sense, there are other ways to create impact like; changing sentence length, short for urgency, or quick things; or just describe the scene in greater clarity, or less clarity in some cases to build tension or action. - I can sometimes see the Gemini usage while reading, it's not major, but Gemini does make changes to how things sound. Often for basic grammar checking it's ok, but for certain scenes it warps the intended meaning or *feeling*, leaving a slightly off feeling when reading. I think this can be solved with a quick re-read of the chapter and tweaking the punctuation and such. Gemini is trained on all works of literature and media in the world essentially, meaning when it *improves* text it brings it closer to the world average for all literature, every writer is different, and has "non-standard" punctuation, especially in stories. - Possibly related to the previous point, but certain names having prefixes like Calamity: White Ibex doesn't mean that the prefix needs to be in dialogue. I can understand when Clementine says White Ibex, meaning the aforementioned Calamity: White Ibex. This might just be a fluke because I only remember this coming up once. ### Story criticism - The world doesn't feel grounded, I understand the need/want to have Aezaleon be new to the world and therefore the reader also, and I quite like the concept. But at least so far nothing has grounded anything else happening. It's told that rank 10 is super powerful, and Aezaleon's abilities are top-notch, but once again nothing grounds this system. What is a common person in this world. I know at this point I'm early in the story, but this issue leads into my next issue. - What does anything mean! I can understand Clementine's abilities being indecipherable but most if not all the abilities feel overly complex to the point of just being *nothing*. Specifically the names of the concepts are just a mess in ch 21 it made some sense, [movement impairment], [energy drain], and even [lesser frost] all make sense to the uninitiated. On the other hand [darkwind]? What is that, its so abstract I already skim over it as something that doesn't make sense. [Microscopic Darkwind Erosion] might be something I care about if I knew what darkwind was. It's not that these can't be valid and interesting abilities; the issue is that I cannot understand what they mean with such rudimentary explanation as it being related to festering, Lesser Decay, Paralysis, Infection, and Energy Drain, and striping the forest of life; as stated in ch 20. That gives me nothing on what this actually is. Like what does dark and wind mean. There is no context for what dark does or means, wind is more basic, and I can infer that it means controlling air, but the combination of both??? I might be looking too deep into this, but it just makes the story more bland and shallow that there are these grand names that just mean nothing to the reader, and I guess also to Aezaleon as far as I can tell. # The Good ## As of ch 25 - I really like the world so far, there are a lot of questions to be answered and look forward to them being answered. - what is a calamity - what is the forest/world or area they are in - everything to do with Clementine - what are hunters/outsiders - Another point that caught my interest was the power system, although I have a few issues with it, I hope it will be more fleshed out as I really like the innate abilities, and also the evolution/rank system so far, I don't fully understand concepts and how they are different from just being an ability but once again I'm early in the story. - The characters so far are interesting and entertaining, I wish there was more dialogue and connecting between Aezaleon and Clementine, but I understand this is a more action focused story, also I have much more to read. # conclusion I really like this story so far and think it has potential. But I was reading and having myself slip through the chapters because of some of these issues. It might all change by chapter 50 or something, but I just needed to let out my thoughts before reading on. Also, I hope this criticism comes of as constructive and nothing but, although I know I ranted for a bit maybe coming off as otherwise. I really do wish to keep reading and enjoying this story. Thank you for your work.

The story is great and i want to enjoy it but each an every event that happens starts to feel so meaningless. Every ally he makes is always touted as being super useful for the 'development' of the guild but every time they're mentioned its because he has to drag their ass out of the fire again and again. These powers existed in his previous life but for some reason now that's he's helping them they're so ass-backwards useless at every turn and seemingly once a week their guilds are on the verge of ruin due to some minor matter. Next lets talk about 'plot development' or in this case the extreme lack thereof. As I mentioned earlier every time we get any little bit of development it just feels more and more useless, sure he's getting new enemies but even after beating them down dozens of times some of the old ones are still huge threats. Is he growing at all? He's constantly talking about what HUGE advantage he's taking all the time and about literally everything he does but everywhere he goes everyone else has equal to if not greater resources than him. Its not even that he's facing setbacks on his road to power, its just that whatever huge returns he gets from anything are immediately forgotten as though they don't exist. Let's take that naval force he was building up in secret as an example, that was probably over a thousand chapters ago where he spent tons of effort and brought over a whole continent of amazing things to make a naval powerhouse that was really going to help his guild develop in the future right? No, not even a little, they're some middling useless force that only exists to plot hook him into the 'next big thing' that's going to look cool for a chapter or two. What was all that effort for? The hype? I feel stupid just for being excited at the prospect of him revealing he actually has this huge powerful navy under his command. In the end the author doesn't want his position to become powerful, to change because that would lower the life expectancy of the cash cow he's got going here. And that's what it all boils down to, large sections of the novel and big plotlines and moments for development and characters are just... empty, they don't mean anything in the end. They don't provide tangible benefit to the MC the only exist as scapegoats to jerk your attention around to the next big disaster that will ruin the guild!!!!! But wait he turns it around and gains this huge advantage!!!!!! Except he doesn't, its not an advantage its just a setup for 'the next big disaster that will ruin the guild!!!!! ' Sigh, let's give one last example, this one is more concrete, but before that i do have to say that at least the MC's personal growth and strength is very satisfying even if his guild and connections are utterly disappointing. In the most recent premium chapter (spoliers 2366) There's a big alchemy competition where an alchemist he's been nurturing since forever ago finally has her time to shine and inherit this huge trading company, with his help of course. Dumb as hell me got excited about it thinking that allies would finally start being useful but literally right after she wins its revealed that despite all the evidence and hinting by the author that this would be something with finality its actually just a little competition among the juniors so she probably wont have all that much power anyway, haha isnt that funny? OH and by the way the repeat it every year anyway so there's no hope of it every being a permanent increase in his own powerbase just another festering wound to cause more enemies for some intangible gain that never really gets mentioned beyond the fact that it exists. I didn't even finish the chapter man, it just hit me all at once just how much this author is wasting my time doing this for plotline after plotline after plotline baiting me into getting excited that finally he's going to have useful allies only for it to be really not that much benefit and a setup for more conflicts. Like i said earlier, after a while everything he gains just starts to feel so empty and useless to even compete over. Again, barring gains to his personal strength which are always very satisfying. I'll probably come back to this in the future simply because i had more things i was pissed about that started getting fixed, like the lax as hell timeframe(it felt like the first 1500 chapters all happened in one week), or him never stepping out of the game(there's been frequent breaks for irl stuff recently and its really refreshing) but i just have to take a break after how depressing it is for the author to bait and switch me with the rewards so many times.

Chapter 250 Brothers (13) Apart from the paper recording information about the Penaese, Feng Bujue did not find any other valuable items in Arthur's bedroom. Although he had searched twice carefully, he still found nothing. So he had to leave in anger and went to the bathroom. The bathroom on the second floor is twice as large as the toilet on the first floor. There is a small cabinet above the bathroom sink, which is the kind of white wooden cabinet with very high appearances in horror movies: It was located slightly higher than people's sight. And a mirror was attached to the door of the cabinet, which is usually filled with razors, toothpaste, cups, commonly used medicines and so on. We can see some characters brushing their teeth, shaving, combing their hair in front of these cabinets in all kinds of thrillers and horror movies... Then, as the cabinet door opens and closes, something frightening suddenly appears in the mirror. With a surprising sound effect, this method has been tried and tested repeatedly. Unfortunately, in this scenario, there is no mirror... Feng Bujue came to the sink and looked at the cupboard door with a concave surface about a centimetre. He sighed, "I was surprised to have the mirror removed... No debris left." He opened the cabinet and all the cabinets inside were empty. He only found a key at the bottom of it. [Name: The white key] [Type: Plot related] [Quality: Ordinary] [Function: Permanently unlock the white iron door and disappear immediately after use.] [Whether can be brought out the script: No] [Note: Hidden in a white place] "Now I have four keys, red, blue, black and white." Feng Bujue muttered, "Yellow and grey left…" His eyes involuntarily moved to the closetool. "Um... I’ll check the water tank again." He took three and two steps and went to the closetool. First, he glanced into it to make sure there was nothing but clean water. Then he opened the lid of the water tank and checked it. It turned out that there was something in it. [Name: Wet blanket] [Type: Plot related] [Quality: Ordinary] [Function: unknown] [Whether can be brought out the script: Yes] [Note: Don't know why it was stuffed in a strange place] It's a smaller blanket, about the same size as four or five towels. It's a mixture of colours, and it feels a little rough. Also, it’s a little bit of strange after soaking because of its slippery surface. "This is the fifth plot item that can bring out the script with an unknown meaning." Feng Bujue took the blanket from the water tank, wring it out as much as possible then put it in his bag. "Except for the denture with hints about the plot, other things like soap, perfume, leather cap and blanket are useless…” He couldn't help asking himself, "Does this scenario has lots of jigsaw puzzles?" Feng Bujue took the item and turned to go to the bathtub on the other side of the wall. There’s a circle of curtains to enclose the bathtub, at this time from the angle of Feng Bujue, only a quarter of the bathtub was exposed and the rest was covered by light blue curtains. "Well, guess what's in the bathtub, A, a naked beauty; B, a naked key; C, a naked corpse." said Feng Bujue with a self-entertainment tone, "It will be so boring to have nothing or to have garbage in it." He stretched out his hand to drag the curtain and saw something, something that made people extremely depressed and terrible after seeing it. "Is this the so-called Ren Zhi...” Feng Bujue frowned. 1) It's supposed to be a synthetic person in the bathtub. It has only a trunk, its hands and feet have been amputated, ears festering, a lot of pus bleeding out of it, eyes are sewn by threads, mouth is half opened without tongue... Considering its condition, it is impossible for it to know that someone is looking at himself, so at this moment, it just lies quietly in the bathtub with no response, only the fluctuation of it chest indicated that it is still alive and breathing. Without much hesitation, Feng Bujue took out Persephone’s Vacuum Cleaner and began to take the monster's life in... The special effect of this equipment is to absorb the survival value of the monster and return the same proportion of the survival value for the player (0.5% per second), which is invalid for dead, non-physical, mechanical and BOSS-level monsters. The vacuum cleaner cannot store the survival value, the absorption effect is instant, that player will not be able to get a response if his/her survival value is 100%.) It does not cause much pain, that is, the survival value of the monster is reduced proportionally, and added to the player, when the survival value of the monster is reduced to zero, it will immediately die. In all senses, Feng Bujue believes that this is a win-win situation, the monster can be liberated, and he can return some blood by the way. More than three minutes later, the synthetic man was declared dead and his survival value was full. He folded his hands and read a sentence: "Amitabha, God bless you..." Then he grabbed the pipe wrench, cut the synthetic man's throat and began to search the corpse... An atheist who cries for God and reads Buddha at the same time, doing an autopsy on a body that is not necessarily a human body with no expression on his face, just to confirm whether there is anything he needs in the body... if there are other players watching this kind of scene, they should be frightened by Feng Bujue. "Seriously..." Finally, as Feng Bujue’s wish, the yellow key was found in the intestine of the corpse. He took the key with the pipe wrench and went to the sink to wash it out. Then he put it in his bag. Two seconds later he took it out and put it in his pocket. In theory, after doing so, there would be no substance left on the key, but he was still willing to touch it with gloves. [Name: The yellow key] [Type: Plot related] [Quality: Ordinary] [Function: Permanently unlock the white iron door and disappear immediately after use.] [Whether can be brought out the script: No] [Note: It was indeed hidden in a place with excrement] Feng Bujue doesn’t want to comment on the not at all. It's the same as taunting him. Now, with one more gray key, he can make up six and go back to the 1F underground. As a result, he quickened his pace and, after a little washing of the dirt splashed on his clothes, went to the last explorable room on the second floor. This room was situated directly above the empty room on the first floor. After Feng Bujue pushed the door, he saw a bright red, large tempered spell array on the floor of the room. At a glance, he lost control of his body. This time he hasn't had time to use the iron bar to find out if there is any danger, or even to enter the door... The mere act of opening the door has triggered the CG plot. 1) (Warning!!!!! Do not see this reference if you are not strong enough) Ren Zhi: No specific word in English. In Chinese, it’s a word form by “Human” and “Pig”. In China Han Dynasty, the queen Lv felt envy to the concubine of the king, whose name is Lady Qi. Lv killed Qi’s son and gave an extreme penalty to Qi after the king’s death. Lv cut her legs and arms, scooped her eyes, shaved all her hairs and eyebrows (also she invented a medicine that let hairs can’t regenerate anymore), poured copper in her ears to deafen her and cut her tongue, broke her vocal cords to make her a dumb people. Finally, Lv destroyed her face (Qi is beautiful so king likes her) and threw her into the closetool and let her own son see it. Lv’s son, who’s the new king, tried to protect his brother but failed. After he saw Qi’s “Ren Zhi”, he was freaked out and died. (Ps. You should all blame the author for adding this kind of thing in the story.)