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Nimav
NimavLv1319d
2025-01-02 04:05

Fair warning, the author disclaimer is serious, the MC isn't everyone's cup of tea. He's used to priviledge and all the benefits that come with it, along with everything it takes to keep it......so basically he has a completely screwed up morality. That being said, it's quite decent concept wise, if a bit of a power trip - but expected from as big an exploiter as the MC seems to be. If there an arguably bad thing about MC is that his character is a bit too unidimensional, a lot of his actions seem to be thrown in there not to describe the depths of his depravity nor with an underlying purpose (except for his meeting with the ROB) other than to keep reminding us "this guy's evil". It's like taking Heath Ledger's Joker in that meeting with the mobsters, and instead of doing the magic pencil trick only when losing control of the crowd, he walks straight in and shoots someone before even talking. The real downside is the writing: needs commas......lots of commas, there are a lot of reasons they were invented. Along with other missing punctuation marks, it makes the reading experience about as jarring as an unedited Chinese MTL. It's annoying to have to piece together what seems to be an unbroken and disjointed stream of thoughts and descriptions when you're trying to build a chaotic manipulative genius which can even trick a ROB off his back with his actions.

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Replies5
kyler_firstfallen
kyler_firstfallenAuthor

Thx for the review and thanks again I honestly forgot commas existed

kyler_firstfallen
kyler_firstfallenAuthor

Hey um did I do the commas right I hope I did cause I spent a good hour ish watching grammar videos

kyler_firstfallen
kyler_firstfallenAuthor

In The chapter

kyler_firstfallen:Hey um did I do the commas right I hope I did cause I spent a good hour ish watching grammar videos
Nimav
NimavLv13

The latest chapter is definitely a great improvement I'd say.

kyler_firstfallen:In The chapter
kyler_firstfallen
kyler_firstfallenAuthor

Alright I am trying to improve so it’s good to hear feedback

Nimav:The latest chapter is definitely a great improvement I'd say.
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