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Tommy_WoodLv141mth
2024-12-31 16:14

The story is there but I think the author is trying to get to major plot points too fast and is missing filler pieces to expalin certain actions or decisions or the absent background info that would make us like a character, some things are just blatantly looked over by characters that should be more aware obvious actions that most people would be wary of, and while I enjoy harems the heroines are just falling for a guy with no actual basis, I get the girlfriend and childhood friend but the pro hero speedster maybe should of started as just a fan that slowly became infatuated not in love after a short stream. On the plus side though the story has great bones and with some more fleshing out could be awesome, the system need more moments where Scott actually studies it and figures out how his ‘super power’ works (can’t tell me he’s just accepting a random power system in a society that is stated to have interdemsional warlords and aliens) I expect him to be more aware of the system that is suddenly predicting crimes and has the word ’harem’ in its name, possible mind control and what not are on the table in superpowered worlds. The heroines have some decent backstory building but Maya’s choices are just all over the place, and Emma is just unexplainable as I refuse to believe a flash level speedsters is going to be unable to clean sweep a whole city in seconds to look for someone as she stated herself to be ‘faster then light’ that level of speed is absurd and overpowered that I find it hard for her to not find Scott in seconds of seeing the stream, she herself stated she knew where his first stream was as it was in her ‘patrol’ area so she must have an idea of major and minor parts of the city or can easyily look up a street sign or building and shop names. The stream it’s self just need more detail, does it blur identify features like a location or features to keep Scott’s secret, does it give out minor missions, what all does it sell and when does Scott buy his stuff, the watch he used comes out of left field or was just too small a part to even notice yet it’s a major tool he uses when he saves Elena. What does the system do and what are its defined rules. Scott himself just seems kind of all over the place, bro is supposedly intelligent yet I have yet see him do anything remotely smart as he just seems to go with the flow and whim of the system and not ask any questions and as a vigilante is doing zero prep work or investigation work into criminals or ‘black mechanica’ an organization that supposedly has alien tech and nuclear capabilities and has been running around heroes for years and you expect me to believe his one foray into them is causing them a lick of trouble, it’s stated they are a global organization, one guy in one city stumbling on a cell isn’t going to do anything but annoy them, and get a small bounty of ’Nightwatch’, they’ve had to have dealt with things like him before just from how many superabled people there are now, plus his back story is just missing, why is his mom import or even where are his parents, is there some family situation we should be aware of. Vincent is just not fleshed out and too stereotyped, I believe him a bad guy but I think he’s also being too obvious with it, more subtle gaslighting and less outright bastard and his character improves dramatically as he pushes a wedge between maya and Scott instead of one asshole phone call. Mostly the story just needs filler to help flesh out the world and characters, little Paragraphs to explain actions or choices that build a character and help the reader understand character motivations. Maybe a side piece chapters for none important characters to help flesh out the sudden hero streams effect on the wider population or maybe a few small time heroes using it to fund their own hero activities, maybe a few people who think like Scott following in his footsteps, maybe Emma doing her own stream disguised as a different vigilante like a dark speedster named Shade. In summary I like the story just wished it was more fleshed out as I keep running into the problem of doubling back and questioning when did this happen, ‘offscreen’ moments that confuse readers and just a lack of scenes that transition the story, I hope the writer continues to write and I’m going to continue reading the story and hope it’s fleshed our more later in the story.

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SleazyPenAuthor

Thanks for your detailed review, I'll work on it ^-^!! Miss Mercury can move at light speed but can't perceive at that speed. So, she just moves at the speed of sound or anything within that range. I think I already established that but I don't think it's clear enough I guess?

Daoist59N2PXLv1

Не имею понятия почему эта работа получила такие высокие оценки как по мне клише …p.s я это пишу для вас парни кто тоже читает на анлейт

PleadesLv2

If she can move at that speed she should be able to perceive easily...

SleazyPen:Thanks for your detailed review, I'll work on it ^-^!! Miss Mercury can move at light speed but can't perceive at that speed. So, she just moves at the speed of sound or anything within that range. I think I already established that but I don't think it's clear enough I guess?
ZelinguissaLv14

You never studied physics bro? If a person moves at the speed of light they perceive it differently, some examples: Time Dilation and Length Contraction, Extreme Doppler Effect, Abolition of Time Perception and Extreme Focus Effect. So moving at this speed is only good to move from point A to point B

Pleades:If she can move at that speed she should be able to perceive easily...
PleadesLv2

Well you are speaking as if it's been proven that you perceive differently at the speed of light....i can assume that in theory perception may differ...but in reality, we can't prove it...i was just comparing Flash speed of 1/80 the speed of light where he can perceive everything in slow motion and assumed that if he can go faster his brain would process it the same way......I mean if you could go at the speed of light and not be able to perceive anything then doesn't it mean that everything in the path of the person going from point A to point B would be destroyed or that at this speed he would phase tho anything in its path? Again I don't know I'm just trying to go by what I know and my knowledge may be flawed.

Zelinguissa:You never studied physics bro? If a person moves at the speed of light they perceive it differently, some examples: Time Dilation and Length Contraction, Extreme Doppler Effect, Abolition of Time Perception and Extreme Focus Effect. So moving at this speed is only good to move from point A to point B
ZelinguissaLv14

but Flash is protected by the speed force, and if we are talking about Barry Allen, he is the Flash that have the most connection with the Speed Force, so he can do almost anything he wants with his speed

Pleades:Well you are speaking as if it's been proven that you perceive differently at the speed of light....i can assume that in theory perception may differ...but in reality, we can't prove it...i was just comparing Flash speed of 1/80 the speed of light where he can perceive everything in slow motion and assumed that if he can go faster his brain would process it the same way......I mean if you could go at the speed of light and not be able to perceive anything then doesn't it mean that everything in the path of the person going from point A to point B would be destroyed or that at this speed he would phase tho anything in its path? Again I don't know I'm just trying to go by what I know and my knowledge may be flawed.
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