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Funnypilz
FunnypilzLv152mth
2024-10-10 02:03

Generally good quality writing, sometimes in my opinion to descriptive even, some expressions are used a little to often and feel repetetive. Flow of the Story i got nothing to complain about so far. The main Issue i have with this book is that Characters behave uncharacteristically, its mainly seen in Ei and her Squad, they don't talk like 4-6 Yo's even if they would act older than their age, its very unfitting, for Ei you can ofcourse always argue that its from her life, but she also often Talks very "swollen" basically doing speeches using big words, noone would ever talk like that in a conversation. Another plothole beeing why Ei has such a strong conviction, to train as hard, not wasting her 2nd Chance is nice but she is basically torturing herself, she would need some kind of tragic backstory or upcoming disaster she needs to be strong enough for to explain her determination. Overall still a solid read.

Naruto : Origin Thunder of Annihilation

Israfil
4.5
45 Chs

Liked by 6 people

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Replies6
Israfil
IsrafilAuthor

There is 2 reason for Ei and the children act with such conviction and why Yugito, Samui and Mabui emotional growth is strong : 1. Will of Lightning : Might makes right, the stronger you are the better respect you get. 2. For Ei, it's the memories. Especially Acheron from Honkai Star Rail.

2mth
2
Funnypilz
FunnypilzLv15

Will of lightning may raise their conviction but it won't raise their maturity afaik right? Concerning Ei: I am not very familiar with Honkai Star Rail and iIdont think her actually being from Honkai Star Rail was explained? At least i don't remember reading it, my takeaway was that she had a past life in a modern world, nothing much is known about it and she gets reincarnated. If you did indeed explain that and I missed it it's my bad I guess.

2mth
1
GnomePatty
GnomePattyLv4

hey, I just want to ask if there is any romance if there is. Can it be yuri or no?

Israfil:There is 2 reason for Ei and the children act with such conviction and why Yugito, Samui and Mabui emotional growth is strong : 1. Will of Lightning : Might makes right, the stronger you are the better respect you get. 2. For Ei, it's the memories. Especially Acheron from Honkai Star Rail.
2mth
2
Israfil
IsrafilAuthor

to be honest, it depend on my mood. I never tried to write something like romance, I don't want to screw up my story with adding romance. So, if you guys can give me a reference for a serious and a bit dark fanfic with female MC and have Yuri tag. Please give it to me the title. I'll read it after my midterm exam

GnomePatty:hey, I just want to ask if there is any romance if there is. Can it be yuri or no?
2mth
2
GnomePatty
GnomePattyLv4

rwby the madness of lappland if you don't have any experience writing romance, I wouldn't recommend it, in my opinion, but it's your choice. I love the novel, Btw ❤️

Israfil:to be honest, it depend on my mood. I never tried to write something like romance, I don't want to screw up my story with adding romance. So, if you guys can give me a reference for a serious and a bit dark fanfic with female MC and have Yuri tag. Please give it to me the title. I'll read it after my midterm exam
2mth
1
Israfil
IsrafilAuthor

I'll read it after I'm done with my midterm exams.

GnomePatty:rwby the madness of lappland if you don't have any experience writing romance, I wouldn't recommend it, in my opinion, but it's your choice. I love the novel, Btw ❤️
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2mth
1
Other Reviews
Israfil
IsrafilAuthor

As I said in the past, read the comments. Some people giving absurd comments and review, and I have enough. I already giving chances and warning. So now I have to put my foot down and stop posting, all things they did have consequences. Blame them if you sad and angry. You can find them in review, chapter comments, and paragraph comments section. Author out, let's meet on other people works.

1mth

Israfil
IsrafilAuthor

Author here~! And I shamelessly giving my work a 5 stars~ Please give your honest review about my work and where should I improve it, positive and negative response accepted. But please give a reasonable comment if you decided to give me a negative review. Last word, this fanfic is only written for fun and I just wanted to share what is in my mind while I'm relaxing after a busy life of study and work.

2mth
AKIB19
AKIB19Lv3

Reveal spoiler

2mth
Holo_Lover
Holo_LoverLv2

For those of you who came to the reviews to see if it's worth reading, just know that if you are very particular about how the author writes, plot holes and everything else, then this book is not for you. The book is well written, there are almost no grammatical errors, but there are many things that could have been done better. However, as the author mentioned, he is just doing this for fun in his free time. In short, if you are very critical, don't read it, you won't like it. If you read just for fun, like me, then I recommend reading it, it's an interesting story despite everything.

1mth
Vlad_the_lost
Vlad_the_lostLv3

There are little to no, grammar mistakes however your way of making them talk or dialogue for short is unnatural. Make your character joke or some humor. When Yae wants to use illusion, I assumed she would just do it suddenly to add a bit more character; to add mischievous to her; to not make her flat. Overall, it's good and I wish you luck.

2mth
Elemise
ElemiseLv1

[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]

2mth
DaoistLflweQ
DaoistLflweQLv4

For now its a Well written story. I Hope for its future

2mth
Gabriel_1471
Gabriel_1471Lv1

I really like this story, I hope you don't abandon it for people who don't understand that it's a story for fun. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1mth
GlN
GlNLv2

I want more :[

1mth
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