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ACHILLES
ACHILLESLv46mth
2024-10-08 11:57

Okay I feel the fic might get better later on but as of now its hard to stay focused reading it. Nothing attracts the readers attention so far we go from the kuoh notes to him fighting, With no information how or why he started doing the fighting(Could've missed it as i was trying to skip the boxing or mma whatever he's doing as i feel no attchment to the mc.) other than that i think the story fine might come back to read later on idk

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MeatBeef
MeatBeefAuthor

How and why are explained in the 2nd chapter, I get what you mean with nothing attracting the attention of the reader. I've thought about rewriting the first few chapters but decided not to, I see it as the growth of the mc and the growth as a writer. Have an awesome October

ACHILLES
ACHILLESLv4

Thank u but you saying character developement, i currently read to ch 12 but i will make it simple im not an fan of the mc at all, (personality), and his strangth/power its just not, idk how to say it. Appealing or unique and seems rather lame and his personality doesn't make it any better. Normally an author can make an story more enjoyable with an great Mc. While This character makes it worse or does nothing for the story,(Improving the story or making us like the mc till the point we still stick around even with him being weak/plain) lmk if it gets better he's seems too childish as of now. Best of Luck to u2 Happy october

MeatBeef:How and why are explained in the 2nd chapter, I get what you mean with nothing attracting the attention of the reader. I've thought about rewriting the first few chapters but decided not to, I see it as the growth of the mc and the growth as a writer. Have an awesome October
Other Reviews
MeatBeef
MeatBeefAuthor

Nest0r
Nest0rLv4

This is a really nice fanfic. I would say it's charming in its simplicity. Though it has quite many problems, the most notable being that it is too action-paced. Fighting to more fighting and even more fighting, with sparse character interactions, and when character interactions were about to begin, on the reader's side, two red flags were thrown, and *boom* even more fighting. Still, the fights are done quite well, so it isn't as bad as it could be. Even though character interactions are sparse, they are mostly well-written, though some of them resulted in fights and God, when you have so many figths already, and even in character interactions you add more fights... It's like those people who add 11 spoons of sugar to the tea. [SPOILERS BELOW] I liked him using weird words instead of swearing. Quite obviously it was something from his previous life, and I don't really know why he stopped. I mean probably as a sign he matured or maned up, like the whole girl cutting her long hair trope, but I don't consider drinking and swearing to be a sign of maturing, the same with cutting hair. Also, this is probably the worst character background I have ever seen. I mean, the only fine thing about that is that he didn't want to swear and used some interesting words instead. That was really nice and original. But all the other aspects of his background felt like somebody took the most brainless Turkey soap opera and added a femboy there just for it to gain a more 'modern' vibe. I was laughing so hard when his father decided to just randomly sign the document that in a lawyer's language would be translated with something like, "If life hits you with anything, your kids will be without anything to support their living.". Why he did that? Because he has enamored... Yeah, great reason... And later he was shameless enough to give advice to his son, who now had to work for three people. I pretty much took it as satire. There are many other quite weird things, some frustrating, some rather dumb. I mean, literally, the beginning was just a process of introducing characters to have them k*lled. The spirit of the sword and the guy who taught him the basics of fighting. The moment when Venelana gave him a warning and all that. With how much he was scared at that moment, I think he would just change schools instead. Why the plum would he just pay a year's rent? I mean, he literally was living in that room for a week or two, and just like that, he decided to pay a year's rent just to have the room in the same state when he will come back? The whole Grayfia thing was weird as pineapple. I think the author wrote in some comment that it was because she cared about her family immensely. That still doesn't explain why you would just get a guy the day after the fiasco and try to scare him. I mean, if she were caring so much, she would have a track record of thr*atening Riser whenever he was alone. And that's not mentioning that a maid wouldn't do something like that to her master's guest. While the plot twist of the blood river being the place where trihexa is sealed was good, randomly unrelasing him certainly plumming wasn't. When I thought the rushed pace would finally stabilize, it got multiplied instead. With even more fighting. It might be just me, but personally, I hate complicating the plot unnecessarily like that. The whole multiversum, world jumping, time jumping, and all that plums. I mean, if there was a need for this, wouldn't it be easier to just make the protagonist some nameless hero who would fight in the Record of Ragnarok with bare hands? And after that, let him hop worlds, because his wish would be something like "I want a place to belong." And finally, in DxD, he would find out that he is in fact a swordsman. Simple plot, but let's look for the positives. HIS WORLD WOULDN"T BE DESTROYED just so he could have a reason for world travel. Right now the author is very thorough in making every talk protagonist have last 15 minutes at maximum and characters he meets to cease existing in 1 week to 1 month from the first interaction. The Record of Ragnarok arc was quite nice, but I feel like the fights were too exaggerated, at least the second one. I mean, we already have lots of fights, so when those are also long... We are near a very dangerous border. Also, what about the whole learning the basics of blacksmithing? The MHA world looks promising. About my review, even though it is written in this kind of way, don't treat it like an attack. I'm just the kind of guy that can't stop complaining. Overall, I like this fanfic; if I didn't, I wouldn't be reading so far, and I plan to continue.

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