webnovel
ACHILLES
ACHILLESLv47mth
2024-10-08 11:57

Okay I feel the fic might get better later on but as of now its hard to stay focused reading it. Nothing attracts the readers attention so far we go from the kuoh notes to him fighting, With no information how or why he started doing the fighting(Could've missed it as i was trying to skip the boxing or mma whatever he's doing as i feel no attchment to the mc.) other than that i think the story fine might come back to read later on idk

Liked by 1 people

LIKE
Replies2
MeatBeef
MeatBeefAuthor

How and why are explained in the 2nd chapter, I get what you mean with nothing attracting the attention of the reader. I've thought about rewriting the first few chapters but decided not to, I see it as the growth of the mc and the growth as a writer. Have an awesome October

ACHILLES
ACHILLESLv4

Thank u but you saying character developement, i currently read to ch 12 but i will make it simple im not an fan of the mc at all, (personality), and his strangth/power its just not, idk how to say it. Appealing or unique and seems rather lame and his personality doesn't make it any better. Normally an author can make an story more enjoyable with an great Mc. While This character makes it worse or does nothing for the story,(Improving the story or making us like the mc till the point we still stick around even with him being weak/plain) lmk if it gets better he's seems too childish as of now. Best of Luck to u2 Happy october

MeatBeef:How and why are explained in the 2nd chapter, I get what you mean with nothing attracting the attention of the reader. I've thought about rewriting the first few chapters but decided not to, I see it as the growth of the mc and the growth as a writer. Have an awesome October
Other Reviews
MeatBeef
MeatBeefAuthor

Nest0r
Nest0rLv4

This is a really nice fanfic. I would say it's charming in its simplicity. Though it has quite many problems, the most notable being that it is too action-paced. Fighting to more fighting and even more fighting, with sparse character interactions, and when character interactions were about to begin, on the reader's side, two red flags were thrown, and *boom* even more fighting. Still, the fights are done quite well, so it isn't as bad as it could be. Even though character interactions are sparse, they are mostly well-written, though some of them resulted in fights and God, when you have so many figths already, and even in character interactions you add more fights... It's like those people who add 11 spoons of sugar to the tea. [SPOILERS BELOW] I liked him using weird words instead of swearing. Quite obviously it was something from his previous life, and I don't really know why he stopped. I mean probably as a sign he matured or maned up, like the whole girl cutting her long hair trope, but I don't consider drinking and swearing to be a sign of maturing, the same with cutting hair. Also, this is probably the worst character background I have ever seen. I mean, the only fine thing about that is that he didn't want to swear and used some interesting words instead. That was really nice and original. But all the other aspects of his background felt like somebody took the most brainless Turkey soap opera and added a femboy there just for it to gain a more 'modern' vibe. I was laughing so hard when his father decided to just randomly sign the document that in a lawyer's language would be translated with something like, "If life hits you with anything, your kids will be without anything to support their living.". Why he did that? Because he has enamored... Yeah, great reason... And later he was shameless enough to give advice to his son, who now had to work for three people. I pretty much took it as satire. There are many other quite weird things, some frustrating, some rather dumb. I mean, literally, the beginning was just a process of introducing characters to have them k*lled. The spirit of the sword and the guy who taught him the basics of fighting. The moment when Venelana gave him a warning and all that. With how much he was scared at that moment, I think he would just change schools instead. Why the plum would he just pay a year's rent? I mean, he literally was living in that room for a week or two, and just like that, he decided to pay a year's rent just to have the room in the same state when he will come back? The whole Grayfia thing was weird as pineapple. I think the author wrote in some comment that it was because she cared about her family immensely. That still doesn't explain why you would just get a guy the day after the fiasco and try to scare him. I mean, if she were caring so much, she would have a track record of thr*atening Riser whenever he was alone. And that's not mentioning that a maid wouldn't do something like that to her master's guest. While the plot twist of the blood river being the place where trihexa is sealed was good, randomly unrelasing him certainly plumming wasn't. When I thought the rushed pace would finally stabilize, it got multiplied instead. With even more fighting. It might be just me, but personally, I hate complicating the plot unnecessarily like that. The whole multiversum, world jumping, time jumping, and all that plums. I mean, if there was a need for this, wouldn't it be easier to just make the protagonist some nameless hero who would fight in the Record of Ragnarok with bare hands? And after that, let him hop worlds, because his wish would be something like "I want a place to belong." And finally, in DxD, he would find out that he is in fact a swordsman. Simple plot, but let's look for the positives. HIS WORLD WOULDN"T BE DESTROYED just so he could have a reason for world travel. Right now the author is very thorough in making every talk protagonist have last 15 minutes at maximum and characters he meets to cease existing in 1 week to 1 month from the first interaction. The Record of Ragnarok arc was quite nice, but I feel like the fights were too exaggerated, at least the second one. I mean, we already have lots of fights, so when those are also long... We are near a very dangerous border. Also, what about the whole learning the basics of blacksmithing? The MHA world looks promising. About my review, even though it is written in this kind of way, don't treat it like an attack. I'm just the kind of guy that can't stop complaining. Overall, I like this fanfic; if I didn't, I wouldn't be reading so far, and I plan to continue.

Related Stories

As Sukuna in Invincible

The Honoured One... A title bestowed upon the one who's pleasure and displeasure matter above all else within the bounds of Heaven and Earth. That is who I have become. Satoru Gojo - The Six Eyes may have claimed this title for himself, declared it to all of Creation and went unchallenged for it for years, till the awakening of the man I have been transmigrated as. I intend to honour that title. Power is meant to be used - to change one's life with. And change it I shall. ---------------------------- (Author note: This guy will be a lot like Sukuna in personality, but not a carbon copy - he will have his own views and thoughts that will contradict canon Sukuna, cause this guy is a transmigrated soul from our world who was thrown into the Invincible world with all of Sukuna's powers. Also, he was geniunely Sukuna in his past life. Romance: Sukuna X Yandere Eve Sukuna is in the body of Megumi (Shadows yet to be tamed) to be as clear as possible :A person from our world, reincarnated as Sukuna in JJK without his memories and then before the fight with Gojo disappeared and reincarnated in Invincible as a guy funnily with the name Megumi Fushiguro and recently remembered all his 3 lives. his memory is a bit convoluted in the beginning that's why he thinks its transmigration. Read the auxiliary chapter for Sukuna's power level compared to this world, because I am taking some vague statements about Sukuna in JJK canon, to make him strong enough to not just be crushed in an instant in a world with Viltrumites. Hope to see you guys soon, Bye!)

Samael_Son_of_Dawn · Anime & Comics
4.4
82 Chs

MHA : Cursed by Fate

The story starts at the end of another. A young boy reincarnated in the world of 'My Hero Academia' and he was born with the template system of 'Ryomen Sukuna' from Jujutsu Kaisen. He was born decades before the canon story starts and he was in the same generation with people like Rumi, Ryukyu, Aizawa etc. He lived the typical reincarnated life. He had a great family this time around, went to UA, faced multiple challenges and overcame them, fell in love and went on to fight the main villain All for One. But here is the twist. This story will start only after the main character complete the Sukuna Template which is the end of his story. We will skip the whole part of getting to UA, training his power, falling in love, completing system mission etc. This is because the main character is truly himself only after the system is completed. That is when the main character became truly free again, without system missions and Sukuna's influence. This story will be like 'Frieren: Beyond Journey's End' where the story will reveal the past while also moving forward. I am not very good with synopsis so please just read the first few chapters. .. .. //////////////////////// What to expect : #A good MC but fate wants him to be evil. Being good and having Sukuna template does not go well. #Rumi as the main romantic partner with a few girls here and there. It's complicated but ultimately in the harem category. #Overpowered MC from the start. Only All Might and All for One are even in his level of strength. #Revenge and tragedy. This mostly happen before the story starts but in the current timeline there will be no tragedy. #Although MC is in an older generation, the canon timeline will still be relevant. #Slight AU on the years of characters. Mostly the old heroes so that they can be in the same generation. For Example Midnight is like two years younger so that she was MC's classmate That is all.

Willbe · Anime & Comics
4.8
17 Chs