webnovel
Frantisix
FrantisixLv152mth
2024-11-03 14:44

Everything seems very forced within the story. Read 20 chapters to get a feel for it and I personally think a longer “prologue” to the betrayal is much needed. Main character is supposed to be the top of the first years and a genius but no one listens to his side of the story which is very weird and feels too forced without more context. Maybe a few chapters of the Academy characters interacting before hand could sell it better but even the parents not listening ,after giving their all to send him to that Academy, just feels horribly forced. Then he’s accepted no problem at all within the aunt’s household… either way more worldbuilding and fleshing out of every character’s motive is really needed. POV switching is prevalent within the story as well but personally, I think it should be handled differently by making dedicated chapters or a cleaner text break within the chapter instead of just the next paragraph.

Dominion of The Beast Masters

Yalatola
4.7
296 Chs

Liked by 9 people

LIKE
Replies4
Yalatola
YalatolaAuthor

I understand your pov, I usually don 't like giving everything to the readers right off the bat, I prefer developing the story from point 1 to the next and develop the secrets about the characters. This allows me to keep a surprise effect and put some plot twist for the readers from there to there( like a character described as bad then revealing a 180 turn later, and setting the scene for a big scene) it's also the case for people's reactions, everything has a reason and it's developed through the chapters.

2mth
1
Yalatola
YalatolaAuthor

also I like realism, and using the dark side of people, the students aren't backing him simply because 'why him and not me?' no need to search further 💁

2mth
1
pegasus_z0
pegasus_z0Lv10

That’s understandable. They are all competing for the same role, so backstabbing is inevitable

Yalatola:also I like realism, and using the dark side of people, the students aren't backing him simply because 'why him and not me?' no need to search further 💁
2mth
2
Yalatola
YalatolaAuthor

exactly, only the best take it all, why would they be easy daisy with him if he fells?

pegasus_z0:That’s understandable. They are all competing for the same role, so backstabbing is inevitable
2mth
1
Other Reviews
Yalatola
YalatolaAuthor

Q/A section ask anything you want to know before trying out.

4mth

SilvKnight
SilvKnightLv2

I feel like a father proud of the evolution of this son, now your writing is really like novelupdate stories, good job. - - - - - - - - How long before your big project between? I need the true ending of P Ava to keep living

4mth
BooksHaveNicotine
BooksHaveNicotineLv13

This is a masterpiece. The only thing to complain about would be the occasional spelling or grammatical errors, but even that does not take away from the quality of the story. The author does a great job of capturing your attention from the first couple of chapters and keeping your attention with their almost magical ability to pace the story perfectly. I almost never take the time to write a review, but this one deserved the time. Highly recommend.

2mth
MrWhiteshura
MrWhiteshuraLv14

HOOK LINE AND SINKER. So far the book got be hooked and my heart wouldn’t stop beating fast. Love the story, I related a lot with the main character. Can’t wait for more chapters to come. HONESTLY best book i have read so far please give it a try as a reader.

3mth
Viadhivan_Ranata
Viadhivan_RanataLv5

Pertamax 😎📖🥇 Thanks for the Books!!!!! 😆 📖🍻 Oh, nobody have given a review for this yet? Let me be the first to give all five stars for all five categories for your new book 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 We are all looking forward for the next chapters 🥰📖🍷

4mth
DoomMonkey
DoomMonkeyLv15

Reveal spoiler

2mth
Sonto_Chukwu
Sonto_ChukwuLv15

Reveal spoiler

1mth
radioactive_jig0l0
radioactive_jig0l0Lv4

as a reader who has read more than 600 books on this platform, I can say that this book is definitely worth your time and money. amazing work and a fresh story unlike other trashy books with same old plot. read it and thank me later.

2mth
mlara
mlaraLv12

Really good novel so far, it’s like k drama Pokémon, good character development and overall plot.

2mth
Related Stories

Chaos' Heir

A recurring nightmare afflicted Khan's nights since the Second Impact. His dreams replayed the scenes of the crash of the Nak's spaceship, an alien race that the humans had defeated five hundred years ago. Khan's life had turned upside-down after the tragedy. His mother had died during the incident, and the Nak's toxic mana had infected him. His father had managed to save him, but they ended up losing their home and name in the process. The nightmares wouldn't let Khan forget about the Nak, so he decided to join the Global Army and learn to wield mana. He had to put an end to those dreams, even if that meant hunting down that alien race through the stars. ------------------------------------- Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/EoCNovels Instagram: eocnovels Discord link: https://discord.gg/fNsPwXMP7P Cover artist: https://digitalrowye.com/

Eveofchaos · Fantasy
4.7
990 Chs

The Last Paragon in the Apocalypse

After reincarnating multiple times over several centuries, Klaus has finally returned 50 years into the apocalypse that descended on Earth, bringing with it the infamous spiritual Qi. He is a paragon, a being so powerful that the heavens want nothing more than to kill him. He doesn’t play by the rules, and he most certainly doesn’t care what the heavens think. He just wanted to live his life, make money, and keep a smile on his mother’s face. However, when memories of his past incarnations began to resurface, he was forced to resume the life of a paragon once more. Maybe for the last time. Read along as we explore the amazing and twisted lives he has lived and how they will shape his current incarnation as Klaus Hanson, the Last Paragon. ==================== 50 Power Stones = 1 Bonus Chapters 100 Power Stones = 2 Bonus Chapters 200 Power Stones = 3 Bonus Chapters 500 Power Stones = 4 Bonus Chapters ==================== Join The Discord Server: https://discord.gg/REJyJYqU

Pen_Drop · Fantasy
4.4
571 Chs

The Invincible Full-Moon System

The sinful acts of humanity bring forth a great calamity upon themselves, or so they thought. Supernatural Emergence happened. Supernatural creatures start to come out of nowhere and forcefully claim half of the Earth and massacre any humans that cross their paths. All of them are too powerful, dozens of countries fall under their diabolic claws. Humanity was pushed against the corner. But things started to turn around when humanity began to awaken magical powers. Awakened is the name for those who awaken these powers blessed by the Gods, and they become the pillars of humanity. Rex Silverstar is a normal boy who has a traumatic experience. On the day of the Supernatural Emergence, a Werewolf takes everything he has. He lost his family and his home, left alone in this cruel world. What drives him to live every day is his deep hatred towards the Supernaturals. Joining the military in the hope of helping exterminate the Supernaturals from an early age, he found out that it's impossible to kill the Werewolf that was responsible for killing his parents without being an Awakened. On a fateful night, in a near-death experience, he's given a chance by the full moon. It was the turning point of his life. Obtaining a System that allows him to become stronger, having the potential to match and surpass the Supernaturals, Rex was ecstatic until he saw his stats window. "I'M NOT A WEREWOLF!!" "Daily quest failed, sanity stat has been decreased by 20%!" "Sanity stat is too low, you are unable to contain the blood moon blessing!" "Starting forceful transformation!" "WHAT?! I'm a human! What transformation?!" "You are overwhelmed with bloodlust!" ----- Join my discord: https://discord.gg/cg6a5sBkpJ Support me here: https://ko-fi.com/mrboogey13 ----- I do not own the cover of the book, if you made it and want to take it down just say so and I will immediately change it.

Mrboogey13 · Fantasy
3.9
1441 Chs

Dark Magus Returns

Raze Cromwell was one who had suffered his entire life. A cruel upbringing that had forced his nature to turn sour. In order to survive, he did everything and anything he could, eventually giving him the name Dark Magus. A title that was only given to the very best of mages. “Everything in this world was taken from me, So I shall take everything from the world.” The five Supreme Magus had gathered to eliminate the great Raze, on his last legs, the Dark Magus had one more trick up his sleeve. Activating a forbidden spell, he finds himself living in another world, a world full of martial artists. A world where one could destroy mountain tops with their fist, but Magic still exists in the new world, and he’s the only one that knows about it. **** Note: Raze Cromwell is a character who briefly appears in My vampire system. (For 2 Chapters) There is no need to read My vampire system. Since this story is based on Raze before he became what he was in vampire system. Instagram: JKSManga Discord: jksmanga https://discord.gg/jksmanga

JKSManga · Fantasy
4.4
1092 Chs

Path of the Extra

After a tragic accident that claimed the lives of his parents and little sister, Leo, just 17 years old, found himself shouldering all responsibilities alone. By some miracle, he survived the past four months on his own—attending high school, juggling multiple part-time jobs, and enduring sympathetic gazes that pained him. The only respite he found was in books, which offered him an escape and some semblance of joy. One day, while engrossed in the book 'Path of Heroes: Battle Against the End,' his life took an unexpected turn. Halfway through the story, he inexplicably found himself transmigrated into the world of Path of Heroes, inhabiting the body of Azriel Crimson—a character never mentioned in the story's first half. An extra. Someone seemingly irrelevant to the plot. Unfortunately—or perhaps fortunately—fate had other plans, and Leo soon discovered that being a mere extra was not his destiny after all. -------------------------------------- Character illustrations will be available on Discord. Discord: https://discord.gg/9zZ69PVNFJ Also: Powerstone = PS 200 PS = 1 Extra Chapter 400 PS = 2 Extra Chapters 600 PS = 3 Extra Chapters

Crypthh · Fantasy
4.8
223 Chs
Login