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Petra_Gatusang
Petra_GatusangLv36mth
2024-11-01 08:12

the story is superb and intense for the first chapter

Liked by 2 people

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livingandreading
livingandreadingAuthor

Thank you reading and reviewing. Please keep reading and let me know your thoughts :)

Other Reviews
MiizStudz
MiizStudzLv14

okay I really like the plot and the story line, but it could be written slightly better. although it has gotten better since the start, it can still be confusing at times. I still got sucked into it though and read all available chapters, as I said I really am enjoying the story line, but if the author would go back and edit the story I believe it could be a top seller. you just need to make things more clear. although the spelling is fine it's more that some sentences or paragraphs don't fully make sense or they feel like they don't belong. every scene should clearly end and begin, and every fact or detail should be clearly explained. remember, we don't know everything that you do, so we need everything explained to us, and clearly. Is this story translated? if so that would make more sense why certain things are confusing. I'm not trying to be harsh, but I hate to see such a good story not make it when some editing could solve everything. just make sure everything is clearly explained and we know when scenes are changing and fully understood what happened on that scene. and be consistent, for example, Lydia started being called Claudia. you mentioned a Ward but you don't use it in a context that would explain what it is. you mention Corra has 5, her cousin 100 and her brother 0, but you do not explain 100 of what and what this means to have this number? I really like the story but like I said it needs editing. it feels a little rushed at times. or seems more like to your ideas where flowing so fast in your mind that you tried to keep up with them on paper, when you should make notes of them first, and then slow down, plan it all out, and then put them all in the story with more descriptions around them. have someone who doesn't know the story test read it maybe. Basically just make sure others are able to understand what's going on, and it will be an amazing story. can't wait to read more! hope it gets better as I hate to walk away if it gets more confusing. as I said I really like the plot and story line and how is all playing out!! we don't get left in suspension forever waiting for reveals or things to play out and I like that the people are dumb and can realize things most people would. good luck!!

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