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VamPyr00
VamPyr00Lv24mth
2024-08-20 06:34

I have to say, this is a MASSIVE improvement over the original story so far. The pacing is still very fast but at least everything is properly explained and accounted for now. Basically the largest issue with the story now is the grammar. I suggest a Beta reader and using Grammarly to iron out those issues for smoother/easier reading. The only other issues I personally have are the lackluster explanation for the new AU world background elements (vampires, werewolves, and how mutants and other elements will fit in) and the minimal character development for the so-called 'Pack'. Like seriously, the only people we actually KNOW in this fairly large 'Pack' are Laura, Selene, and now Hank and Logan. Aside from these issues, it is an interesting story and the improvement from your original story is phenomenal — keep up the good work!

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