webnovel
Phearow
PhearowLv41yr
2024-03-28 05:25

Aside from a few convenient stretches the author has done to fit the story (nothing too bad really) this fic has been quite good. Dialogues as very well articulated and easy to follow and the grammar is really good. Can't really rate the story much higher than this at this point, but I do believe this could become a very good fic if the author plays his cards correctly.

Liked by 5 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
Reddsaint
ReddsaintLv14

Everything Sir Squirrel said was perfectly accurate, the decisions made seem flippant at best and the development of his power manages to seem both unearned and lackluster simultaneously. The problem begins at the very beginning. We are given the illusion that his system-like Sacred Gear offers the choice between certain class sets. This is a mistake because any choice the MC could've made would be met with skepticism from people who wanted something different. But the author made the MC choose the worst possible class, a production class that would put him at the mercy of whoever decides to fund his operation and give him little combat potential returns compared to other ones hypothetically. Now, this could be a moot point for a couple reasons. The author plans on giving the Boosted Gear to the MC. That would eliminate the need for combat potential from a different class. There are also 'permanent boost elixirs' he has already introduced. A roundabout way but still a solid one. But there are other methods to have done this without the disappointing illusion of choice and the odd, undeserved shoehorning of the FMA style alchemy powers. Exhibit A: A Sacred Gear that simply gives him the powers of the world of FMA. The MC would be forced to learn and explore the world he was dropped into from a magi-scientific standpoint in order to shape it accurately, which would be interesting in itself. Being an amped FMA alchemist would allow limitless avenues to transmute himself, increase his combat potential and "spell" arsenal, and create alchemical enhancers, especially the Philosopher's Stone. Exhibit B: Reincarnate a character from FMA:B instead of a random teen. Exhibit C: Make him choose Mage instead and put enchanting and potion brewing as part of that system. Now, I could've handled all the fumbling so far as long as the story is entertaining and the MC rises to the occasion consistently despite this. But the worst part of this story for me is: Slow updates, and SHORT, SHORT chapters. I'm talking barely over a thousand words. Now this is a new story, so there are only 16 chapters to work with right now. But by God, I'm predicting right now that he won't wrap up with Riser's arc until between chapter 30 or 40, and based on that, I'm not sure if I want to stick around for that kind of chapter length.

Daoist4MxvaV
Daoist4MxvaVLv14

the novel isn't bad , but it isn't for me ,if u are into psychopaths this fanfic is for u ,Personally i don't hate psychopaths characters but its always better to have context to why a character is evil or morally grey or at least show us the journey of why the mc ended up that way or give us interesting motivations to hold on to , having someone who is evil or bad just bc , is very boring and uninteresting , I Would have appreciated it more if there was someone who thinks on the same level and wave length of the mc as the mc rival to keep things interesting or have the mc run into or face a stray devil to add some excitement , this kind of mc of this fanfic only works for antagonists bc antagonists dont get that much screen time and it adds mystery compared to the mc , also the MC is corny , the mc is only a character an edgy teenager , psychopath , sociopath or someone whose life is too boring would enjoy, the mc isn't even relatable unless u find being a psychopath relatable . Compared others I have read this fanfic is pretty lukewarm it brings no excitement or interest , it just feels like the author reduced the iq of all the other characters to make the mc seem more intelligent than he is , it just feels like a chore to read . My advice to the author if u want to right an overly selfish mc , give more screen time to the side characters to show how the mc actions affect others around him . I would have given the mc greater and interesting goal(note I just want to survive isnt an interesting goal ) and added someone who could have given the mc a challenge to make things interesting bc I doubt u can make good fights

NEETsemsalvasao
NEETsemsalvasaoLv4
Related Stories

Creating Manga Of One Piece In Pirates World Become My Ultimate Goal!

Rob was a high-level hacker and wanted by many government organizations because he leaked the secrets of many countries. So he didn't dare to come out of his hiding much. Since he was alone, he lived a difficult life, which that he found the joy and the excitement of life in only two things: The rule of the Internet, and the anime world. One day he came across an interesting advertisement on his personal computer that turned his life upside down. [Ding!] [The art publishing system is being prepared...] [The system is ready!] From that time onwards his goal became to draw One Piece manga in the pirates' world! And make the great era of pirates even more chaotic! ¶¶¶¶¶ Author: BlackStar_BH (Me) ¶¶¶¶¶ Note: Needless to say, this book has the same idea as "Creating The Manga Of Naruto On Naruto World Become My Ultimate Goal!" But here it applies to the world of One Piece, I was inspired by the idea and I wanted to apply it to the world of One Piece, and I hope it succeeds, of course, there will be a conspiracy and I will make sure to improve the story according to the readers opinions. ¶¶¶¶¶ As for publishing chapters, it would depend entirely on the interaction the story receives, whether it is 4 chapters a day or 2 chapters or 1 chapter or 0 chapters... It all depends on the readers' enthusiasm for this interesting book. ¶¶¶¶¶ I don't own One Piece nor do I own its characters, all I own is the protagonist, after all, this is just a fanfic without any profit, just for fun. I don't own Bleach, Attack on titan, Hunter X Hunter, Naruto, and I don't own their characters. ¶¶¶¶¶ EXTRA TAGS: #ATTACKONTITAN #HUNTERXHUNTER ¶¶¶¶¶ My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/BlackStar_BH (+30 Chapters ahead Webnovel.) My Ko-fi: (New) https://ko-fi.com/blackstar_bh (+30 Chapters ahead Webnovel.)

BlackStar_BH · Anime & Comics
4.7
905 Chs

World Traveler Villain

Mc is killed but he’s saved by the Villain System. He has to go to different movie worlds and complete tasks to earn villain points. There’s more to the system and the story than just going to movie worlds. The story is somewhat simple, sometimes doesn’t make sense but it’s funny and entertaining. I think it’s definitely worth the read. Just don’t expect a serious literary masterpiece or something. Obviously. Movies: Captain America. Transformers. RE. Marvel. HP. Fast and Furious. Underworld. The Monkey King. Avengers 2. A chinese odyssey. Spiderman. X-men. And more. Harem: Main girls from these movies. No girls left behind. There are some originals too. Mc steal girls from the og characters obvs. Basically netori. No NTR at all. And, for those who care, all girls are ‘pure’ even if they had bfs, lovers husbands before. *** Tags: Anti-social Protagonist, Antihero Protagonist, Arrogant Characters, Evil Protagonist, Death, Beautiful Female Lead, Evil Protagonist, Killing, Fan-fiction, Fanfiction, Fantasy Magic, Fantasy World, Gate to Another World, Handsome Male Lead, Harem, Harem-seeking Protagonist, Harry Potter, Incest, Male Protagonist, Marvel, Modern Day, Modern World, Movies, Netori, Perverted Protagonist, Movie Worlds, Polygamy, R-18, Sadistic Characters, Sexual, Stockholm Syndrome, System, System Administrator, Villain, Weak to Strong, Multiverse, Omniverse, Multiverse Traveling, World Hopping. ***** You can support me by joining my Patreon and get upto 60 chapters in advance. patreon.com/Translator_God

Translator_God · Anime & Comics
4.6
221 Chs