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Phearow
PhearowLv41yr
2024-03-28 05:25

Aside from a few convenient stretches the author has done to fit the story (nothing too bad really) this fic has been quite good. Dialogues as very well articulated and easy to follow and the grammar is really good. Can't really rate the story much higher than this at this point, but I do believe this could become a very good fic if the author plays his cards correctly.

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Other Reviews
Reddsaint
ReddsaintLv14

Everything Sir Squirrel said was perfectly accurate, the decisions made seem flippant at best and the development of his power manages to seem both unearned and lackluster simultaneously. The problem begins at the very beginning. We are given the illusion that his system-like Sacred Gear offers the choice between certain class sets. This is a mistake because any choice the MC could've made would be met with skepticism from people who wanted something different. But the author made the MC choose the worst possible class, a production class that would put him at the mercy of whoever decides to fund his operation and give him little combat potential returns compared to other ones hypothetically. Now, this could be a moot point for a couple reasons. The author plans on giving the Boosted Gear to the MC. That would eliminate the need for combat potential from a different class. There are also 'permanent boost elixirs' he has already introduced. A roundabout way but still a solid one. But there are other methods to have done this without the disappointing illusion of choice and the odd, undeserved shoehorning of the FMA style alchemy powers. Exhibit A: A Sacred Gear that simply gives him the powers of the world of FMA. The MC would be forced to learn and explore the world he was dropped into from a magi-scientific standpoint in order to shape it accurately, which would be interesting in itself. Being an amped FMA alchemist would allow limitless avenues to transmute himself, increase his combat potential and "spell" arsenal, and create alchemical enhancers, especially the Philosopher's Stone. Exhibit B: Reincarnate a character from FMA:B instead of a random teen. Exhibit C: Make him choose Mage instead and put enchanting and potion brewing as part of that system. Now, I could've handled all the fumbling so far as long as the story is entertaining and the MC rises to the occasion consistently despite this. But the worst part of this story for me is: Slow updates, and SHORT, SHORT chapters. I'm talking barely over a thousand words. Now this is a new story, so there are only 16 chapters to work with right now. But by God, I'm predicting right now that he won't wrap up with Riser's arc until between chapter 30 or 40, and based on that, I'm not sure if I want to stick around for that kind of chapter length.

Daoist4MxvaV
Daoist4MxvaVLv14

the novel isn't bad , but it isn't for me ,if u are into psychopaths this fanfic is for u ,Personally i don't hate psychopaths characters but its always better to have context to why a character is evil or morally grey or at least show us the journey of why the mc ended up that way or give us interesting motivations to hold on to , having someone who is evil or bad just bc , is very boring and uninteresting , I Would have appreciated it more if there was someone who thinks on the same level and wave length of the mc as the mc rival to keep things interesting or have the mc run into or face a stray devil to add some excitement , this kind of mc of this fanfic only works for antagonists bc antagonists dont get that much screen time and it adds mystery compared to the mc , also the MC is corny , the mc is only a character an edgy teenager , psychopath , sociopath or someone whose life is too boring would enjoy, the mc isn't even relatable unless u find being a psychopath relatable . Compared others I have read this fanfic is pretty lukewarm it brings no excitement or interest , it just feels like the author reduced the iq of all the other characters to make the mc seem more intelligent than he is , it just feels like a chore to read . My advice to the author if u want to right an overly selfish mc , give more screen time to the side characters to show how the mc actions affect others around him . I would have given the mc greater and interesting goal(note I just want to survive isnt an interesting goal ) and added someone who could have given the mc a challenge to make things interesting bc I doubt u can make good fights

NEETsemsalvasao
NEETsemsalvasaoLv4
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