webnovel
Dark_PersonJJ
Dark_PersonJJLv41yr
2024-03-18 05:42

Hello,will Sona and her sister Serafall become his Wifes to.?

Liked by 9 people

LIKE
Replies1
Wizened
WizenedLv4

I like the amount of constructive criticism you added in this review and how this will help the author make a better novel

Other Reviews
Reddsaint
ReddsaintLv14

Everything Sir Squirrel said was perfectly accurate, the decisions made seem flippant at best and the development of his power manages to seem both unearned and lackluster simultaneously. The problem begins at the very beginning. We are given the illusion that his system-like Sacred Gear offers the choice between certain class sets. This is a mistake because any choice the MC could've made would be met with skepticism from people who wanted something different. But the author made the MC choose the worst possible class, a production class that would put him at the mercy of whoever decides to fund his operation and give him little combat potential returns compared to other ones hypothetically. Now, this could be a moot point for a couple reasons. The author plans on giving the Boosted Gear to the MC. That would eliminate the need for combat potential from a different class. There are also 'permanent boost elixirs' he has already introduced. A roundabout way but still a solid one. But there are other methods to have done this without the disappointing illusion of choice and the odd, undeserved shoehorning of the FMA style alchemy powers. Exhibit A: A Sacred Gear that simply gives him the powers of the world of FMA. The MC would be forced to learn and explore the world he was dropped into from a magi-scientific standpoint in order to shape it accurately, which would be interesting in itself. Being an amped FMA alchemist would allow limitless avenues to transmute himself, increase his combat potential and "spell" arsenal, and create alchemical enhancers, especially the Philosopher's Stone. Exhibit B: Reincarnate a character from FMA:B instead of a random teen. Exhibit C: Make him choose Mage instead and put enchanting and potion brewing as part of that system. Now, I could've handled all the fumbling so far as long as the story is entertaining and the MC rises to the occasion consistently despite this. But the worst part of this story for me is: Slow updates, and SHORT, SHORT chapters. I'm talking barely over a thousand words. Now this is a new story, so there are only 16 chapters to work with right now. But by God, I'm predicting right now that he won't wrap up with Riser's arc until between chapter 30 or 40, and based on that, I'm not sure if I want to stick around for that kind of chapter length.

Daoist4MxvaV
Daoist4MxvaVLv14

the novel isn't bad , but it isn't for me ,if u are into psychopaths this fanfic is for u ,Personally i don't hate psychopaths characters but its always better to have context to why a character is evil or morally grey or at least show us the journey of why the mc ended up that way or give us interesting motivations to hold on to , having someone who is evil or bad just bc , is very boring and uninteresting , I Would have appreciated it more if there was someone who thinks on the same level and wave length of the mc as the mc rival to keep things interesting or have the mc run into or face a stray devil to add some excitement , this kind of mc of this fanfic only works for antagonists bc antagonists dont get that much screen time and it adds mystery compared to the mc , also the MC is corny , the mc is only a character an edgy teenager , psychopath , sociopath or someone whose life is too boring would enjoy, the mc isn't even relatable unless u find being a psychopath relatable . Compared others I have read this fanfic is pretty lukewarm it brings no excitement or interest , it just feels like the author reduced the iq of all the other characters to make the mc seem more intelligent than he is , it just feels like a chore to read . My advice to the author if u want to right an overly selfish mc , give more screen time to the side characters to show how the mc actions affect others around him . I would have given the mc greater and interesting goal(note I just want to survive isnt an interesting goal ) and added someone who could have given the mc a challenge to make things interesting bc I doubt u can make good fights

NEETsemsalvasao
NEETsemsalvasaoLv4
Related Stories

I Stream DC on Marvel

My name is Allen Walker. I lived a quiet and uneventful life until I got into trouble with the school's ultimate bully, Flash Thomson. It was worth it because I was able to protect my friend Gwen and help out a poor guy named Peter Parker. That's right... my life was turned upside down with my school problems. I somehow ended up tangled with bullies like Flash and his rich friend Harry Osborn, and the three beauties of the school, Gwen Stacy, Felicia Hardy, and Mary Jane. I understood why Gwen was there, as she's my friend, but I couldn't understand why the other two girls were interested in me. My destiny should have been getting beaten up by the school bullies, but luckily, I received unexpected help from a miraculous entity called the "The Absolute Content Creator System". This system mainly operates based on viewers and the popularity I gain by providing great content in my world. But somehow, I'm now live-streaming in the middle of the Superman vs. Doomsday fight... yes, it sounds very dangerous and stupid. No one told me I'd be going to the DC world to livestream?! Darkseid is going to kill me!! My aunt Natasha would scream at me for the stupidity I was committing, and she would be right, I mean, I'm streaming it to my world! But I have to be here, even if it's stupid and dangerous. The reason? I have a huge debt of one million dollars because I accidentally ordered a hundred fantasy waifu sex dolls... which have come to life for some reason. Yeah, things are getting complicated!! It sounds insane, but it's real. The first doll was Wednesday Addams, who tried to stab me, and the second was 2B from Nier: Automata, who treated me like her master... I won't complain about that. A bit confusing? Let's recap: - I live in a world that the system calls Marvel... I'm not sure if I should be worried. - I was a normal teenager making YouTube videos and streams, not very popular... – I got involved with the school beauties and that earned me the hatred of the bullies... ¿why? - I was chosen by a system related to content creation. - During a stream, my chat played a prank on me, and I ended up accidentally ordering a hundred very expensive sex dolls that left me in a one-million-dollar debt. - These dolls are coming to life for some reason. - To pay off that debt, I have to use the system that sends me to DC and broadcast craziness like Batman being captured by the Joker or some villain fighting the Justice League. It's not all bad. With a system like in the manga, I become stronger the more popular I get. I gain powers that only appear in comics and anime, and many other things. But, as I said, my world is not normal, and I'll end up getting involved in dangerous things. I knew that when a one-eyed man appeared at my door and said, "Do you know about the Avengers Initiative?"... I think I should definitely be worried about that. While things are bad with all that, my chat is full of trolls and assholes. To make matters worse, my congenital bad luck leads me into stupid and dangerous situations all the time. For example: entering Harley Quinn's room and having relations with her while the Joker is nearby or kicking Darkseid in the balls... Maybe I'll get killed soon, but if not, I'll continue live-streaming the best content on social media... I just hope the system doesn't stream to strange places. If you want to read chapters in advance, be able to see the images that webnovel does not want and support me here I leave you my patreon. Patreon.com/_Aizen A/N: Hello, I hope you like this story and support it. English is not my native language, so I hope you don't mind the grammatical errors.

Mr_Aizen · Anime & Comics
4.1
542 Chs