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AnimeReader_playerLv41mth
2025-01-17 17:39

A god damn good novel now it's gone. This is what i fear.

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SaishoMysteriarchLv5

I happen to need more reviews under my belt to get an achievement and this has potential so might as well. No need to dance around it long story short, writing style. This story reads more like an academic paper than a fanfic and that is no complement. The words used are just way too sophisticated (accolades, tumultuous, etc). I'm not a native English speaker but I think that I have some pretty good vocabulary, so it's not often and even rare that I have to stop and Google what words mean. And this isn't just the way things are described in third person this also affects the way characters talk, kids shouldn't be talking the same way mediaeval scholars Flirt, no matter how mature they are or even if one of them is reincarnated (except if he came from mediaeval nobility in his past life), in general no one speaks like that, not in this world. This a naruto fic not the retelling of captain Holt's childhood. Okay past all of that let's leave this on a good note no need to leave a bad aftertaste. The Characters are pretty good so far (chapter 7) and the situations are genuinely funny. The system hasn't been shown too much yet but it's the first time I have seen one like it so that's always a plus. Overall a good story held back by the way it's written, I won't assume how you end up with this final product, but a last minute edit by hand to make it more natural will make some massive improvements. Just in general if it's not in a 13 year old's vocabulary it shouldn't be in the fic, at the very least not as often as it is now.

Silvero8Lv1
sakuraiiLv1
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