webnovel
zes13
zes13Lv118mth
2024-05-16 06:13

Yeah no.. I thought this would be a dark story but yikes, chessy lines, amateurish writing. I felt like i was reading a diary of a 15 year old with some fantasy elements. Main character is beyond edgy and dialogues are out of the place.

Liked by 9 people

LIKE
Replies14
Entrail_JI
Entrail_JIAuthor

Thank you for your honesty!

Velstad
VelstadLv13

I can somewhat understand the cheesy part (even thought I don't agree) but the amateur writing is insane to say, the author's writing is top notch

zes13
zes13Lv11

No.

Velstad:I can somewhat understand the cheesy part (even thought I don't agree) but the amateur writing is insane to say, the author's writing is top notch
Dexter_Sled_1111
Dexter_Sled_1111Lv13

Okay.

zes13:No.
The_Envious_One
The_Envious_OneLv14

Up to chapter 1 is crazy

Darnelljoe
DarnelljoeLv14

Top notch for webnovel perhaps

Velstad:I can somewhat understand the cheesy part (even thought I don't agree) but the amateur writing is insane to say, the author's writing is top notch
AkumaCanBeKind
AkumaCanBeKindLv1

internet has really made it easy for people to talk crap and not get punched in the face for it.

zes13
zes13Lv11

I would probably feel much more comfortable, being honest with authors who have terrible writing skills, i think honesty is the most important thing especially if you are an author, because without it you can't improve. It's like the mother who says to her ugly kids that they are beautiful and handsome, etc. .

AkumaCanBeKind:internet has really made it easy for people to talk crap and not get punched in the face for it.
Kw0z
Kw0zLv14

You’re not punching anyone in the face even in real life lmao. Internet gangster

AkumaCanBeKind:internet has really made it easy for people to talk crap and not get punched in the face for it.
AkumaCanBeKind
AkumaCanBeKindLv1

Well am pretty sure if someone speaks crap in irl, then it won't be common for them to get a punch or two.

Kw0z:You’re not punching anyone in the face even in real life lmao. Internet gangster
AkumaCanBeKind
AkumaCanBeKindLv1

there's a difference between 'being rude' and 'giving others advice' and your's was clearly the first one.

zes13:I would probably feel much more comfortable, being honest with authors who have terrible writing skills, i think honesty is the most important thing especially if you are an author, because without it you can't improve. It's like the mother who says to her ugly kids that they are beautiful and handsome, etc. .
Kw0z
Kw0zLv14

Cringe

AkumaCanBeKind:Well am pretty sure if someone speaks crap in irl, then it won't be common for them to get a punch or two.
AkumaCanBeKind
AkumaCanBeKindLv1

FINE ! it was cringe ik but i just got a feeling like "hey! this mike tyson quote might fit here !" so i just slapped it overhere. ;-;

Kw0z:Cringe
zes13
zes13Lv11

i did not give advice, i just gave the cold hard facts.

AkumaCanBeKind:there's a difference between 'being rude' and 'giving others advice' and your's was clearly the first one.
Other Reviews
Apolonchene06
Apolonchene06Lv5
Deadly_Healer
Deadly_HealerLv13

There are not a lot of stories these days that can hook you since start. Good stories have become rare these days. But here I am hooked since prologue. I love the theme of novel which is mainly focused on emotions so I know for sure that it's gonna be a thrilling and blood pumping roller coaster of emotions. MC feels a like person and most importantly human, a real living HUMAN like all of us. He isn't someone who was like. "Oh I died but nah I got transmigrated so like all other Mcs my job should be avoid bad ending and og protagonist and go my way by avoiding death at costs as well as making a lot of strong connection all the way." He behaves how anyone of us could have behaved.He goes through all phases of regret, denial, reluctance, partial acceptance. He doesn't wanna live there he wanna go home where his little brother is. He loves him more than anything even more than himself. So another merit is, he isn't a cold blooded murderer but a sane and principled person. I also love the duality of his character He is mentally broken and sane at the same time. He has suffered by a lot of negative emotions in his past life and is mentally vulnerable but at the same time that's his strongest trait. He is mentally strong because he has already been exposed to all kinds of negativities to extreme. Every chapter is like he is walking on a thin line between sanity and insanity no one knows when and where will he trip. Whether he will loose himself in dark abyss or will be king of its king is still a mystery? So if you wanna know 😜 do give this a try.

The_Golden_Age_
The_Golden_Age_Lv4

ALL BASED ON MY OPINION if you don't agree that's you. Writing Quality -The writing is similar to that of translated novels. It makes the story feel slow and the pacing dragged on sometimes even boring. I find myself skipping paragraphs that don't involve the MC or something that has to do with the side quest. At times I find myself feeling like dropping the story because of the writing but I want to know more of what happens so I stay 😥.If the author got their writing inspiration from translated novels it's understandable but I'd recommend that you to practice your writing and study other writing styles from different authors in no way am I trying to bash the author in any form. I just feel like if he improved his writing it would make a huge difference. Maybe get an editor too if it helps👀 Also the dialogue feels awkward sometimes. Story development-👀 The arcs have been interesting so far but like I said if the writing was better I'd actually have enjoyed them a lot. My favourite arcs by far were the acting arc and the prison one. The other arcs for me felt a little boring and dragged on for too long for my liking but I think it'll get interesting especially with the introduction of the other emotive mage and the gods of the world let me not forget the memory of him entering Delilah's memory. What can I say I really like lore especially when it's well written. I hope I'm not disappointed. Character design-🙂 I'll start with our MC he's an interesting character and feels complex but... #Leon og mc😑- In my opinion out of the entire main cast I feel like he's the most well written character so far and at times even better then Julian. I feel like he has a lot of potential in the future and he's actually my favourite. #Aoite😐- She at first for me felt like a copy of the fml from tapov but with a bit more pride. I like her character but I don't like how the author writes her. I can see the vision but she feels like all the fml characters I've seen in every novel/anime and manga I've read...I guess I just wanted her to be unique all on her own. In simple terms her character doesn't feel solid. #Kiera😒- Probably why I actually like her character design. Her character is actually solid. Hate her or like her but she's well written and has so much potential for future arcs especially with the secret Julian is keeping from her. She's my second favourite character. She just feels so solid with nothing missing. #Delilah🫥🤖- She also feels like all the other fml characters I've read about with the only thing making her different being her love for chocolate. I honestly feel like the fm teachers in tapov were way better written then her because they had more character and where solid individuals. Meanwhile Delilah feels like a robot that likes chocolate ...at most times. Her internal monologue is not bad because u can tell she's actually a childish person especially with her back story which makes sense but to give her a childish form 🙆😭I didn't agree with that writing choice at all but there must be a reason you did that 🙂‍↔️😭. I just felt like she could have been more you know, but maybe in the future she will be. But with that said she's my second fav fm character. #Evenly🧍-I'll be honest I didn't like her when she was introduced and I still don't like her now but my dislike for her has decreased. But like someone said she's basically an NPC now and she's 1D that's all. She's 1D and the worst written character so especially if she has an important role she'll play in the future. #Atlas🤗👹- Solid character. I've seen very little of him and he's a way better written character than Delilah so far and he's arguably becoming my favorite just because of how well written he feels. I recommend HOW TO WRITE FANTASY CHARACTER ARCS BETTER THAN 99% OF AUTHORS by Jed Herne on YouTube too. Well written fml characters from books I've read so far are the poppy war, red rising, shadow slave, Percy Jackson I forgot the rest but you can study how they are written if you want. Brandon Sanderson too according to my friends I've yet to read the mistbone series. Let's also not forget Avatar toph, Katara, Azula, Ty Lee etc has a large cast of fml characters that you could study. Updating stability -Not bad. World building-I love world building it's my favourite genre after found family. I'm rating this on the places we've been so far. Academy- ⭐⭐⭐⭐ not my favourite place to be but it feels like a safe haven for our cast since it's the only place that hasn't caused them any trauma. I hope it gets destroyed 👍 Prison arc- ⭐⭐⭐⭐ I honestly loved this one. It was small but the arc was enjoyable especially with how it ended. Author I can't wait until Julian is hated 🙂‍↕️ The acting arc- ⭐⭐⭐ Also my favourite arc especially with how Julien was written, but it didn't do a lot of world building. Can't wait until he loses control but this time make it longer I love how you're giving us hints that he's going to lose it.And I don't for one second believe that Julien found himself it was too easy especially with the hell he'll have to face. Necromancer arc-⭐⭐⭐It was in a different city which I liked but the world building for me felt separate from the story. Mirror arc- ⭐⭐⭐ I feel like you could have done so much more and explored more of the mirror dimension but I'll understand that it's only because you have the exploration saved up for later. Dora the explorer who??? It's Julian the explorer now. Anyway this was my least fav arc but hey we got owl mighty so there's that ....🙂‍↔️😭 Priest arc- ⭐⭐ I hated this arc because why did Julien have to lose his memory 😾 I was shaking in my boots praying that no one finds out that he's a fraud 😩😥 Author I was sweating and it also felt unnecessary maybe it'll be explained in the future but for now 🙂‍↔️ Anyway this is my rating after chap 243. I'll come back for later chapters 🐱✌️ and see if my rating has changed.

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