webnovel
SlothBYnature
SlothBYnatureLv41yr
2023-12-13 21:54

this is tough, I don't want to come across callous but you need to hear some constructive criticism, you need to go back through your chapters and fix the sentences they end up having additional words that shouldn't be there, the constant () sections while funny at first feels very much like a wattpad fic, which is generally fine just tedious, and while no so much of an issue, vampires weren't really acknowledged my jk much so the interpretation of what they can/can't do is generally fanon, but I will state that generally vampire aren't capable of using magic in the commonly accepted fanon, I also think that you should get a beta reader to help flesh the chapters out, as they jump forward erratically, it feels like a fever dream with how it bounces around.NOW the good things, this fic is FUN, red is awesome, the main character seems cool and I'm interested with how he might get into hogwarts as he's 16, the vampire using magic is interesting and I'd like to see where this goes

Liked by 40 people

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Replies5
kamidemond
kamidemondAuthor

thanks for the constructive criticism. appreciate it 👍 I fix the issue 😃

Transhumanist
TranshumanistLv14

You should get a beta reader for your comments too.

kamidemond:thanks for the constructive criticism. appreciate it 👍 I fix the issue 😃
kamidemond
kamidemondAuthor

ah that well i like doing that so nah,

Transhumanist:You should get a beta reader for your comments too.
James650
James650Lv15

I mean the point is having a second person read it and see how it comes off for someone other then you…

kamidemond:ah that well i like doing that so nah,
kamidemond
kamidemondAuthor

oh

James650:I mean the point is having a second person read it and see how it comes off for someone other then you…
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Raptor2244
Raptor2244Lv14
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