IxtabbLv48mth

2024-09-13 21:54

Here I am posting a review I never posted one usually I just comment but I am going because of two things First the potential and the quality of the story Second the talent of the Author So I will start with the positive points of the story As this is a fanfiction i will start with the world building or more precisely its consistency with the original story (DB) the author really paid homage to the original story how he described the world or how he organizes the arcs it's just extraordinary and not to mention the ki system one of the weak points of db the inconsistency in fights or how the ki works the author managed to make it coherent and the explanations are one of the best that I have seen in a fiction I can't give less than 5 for the world building Now for the writing like the world building it's really very good the author has real talent for that for me a good author is an author who can transmit the emotion he wants to the readers and he succeeded in doing that you feel the emotions and that the world is alive and the fights are beautiful you don't have a character that forget a move he has or don't know when to use it and you really feel the excitement during the fights some time there too many description it can annoy some but that all there just another thing i will explain in the end For me the writing deserved a 4,5 It's almost perfect not a 5 but that's normal it's the author's first fiction and with his talent I'm sure he'll improve For the Updates it's quite consistent I saw the author take a break between the arcs but normal maybe he thinks about the story or just rests a little but apart from that it's very consistent So 4,5 well deserved I would like to give a perfect score but I try to be as objective as possible Finally the Characters they are perfect the author managed to make them intelligent and transformers 1 dimensional characters into 3 dimensional characters you really understand their choice and he even managed to make even secondary characters memorable I have nothing to complain about even the main character is intelligent and has a cool character development (something I don't personally like but it won't influence my notation because I try to be as rational as possible I will explain at the end of the review of some want to know) Here is my review Those were the positive points, now let's move on to the negatives First thing it's about the writing and the second and last is something completely subjective it won't have any influence over my rating let's start the first thing is gags and the goofyness of the story there is too much especially at the beginning of the story but that's not really the problem as I said I try to be as objective as possible and the humor is subjective it's not something that should be taken intro account intro the rating so i will explain why it's too much (It decreases as the story progresses and the author improves) the gags and humor should never have an impact in the story and should never influence the characters an example in some parts of the story the mc did let picolo take Gohan and MC was charged to inform chichi naturally she was angry that the MC did let picolo take him and she threatened the MC to protect his son even if it cost him his life and the mc was so afraid he didn't say a word and nodded the gag that the angry chichi makes other characters afraid is normal it exists even in DB but it should never influence the course of the story the MC is stronger he shouldn't put his life in danger because of a gag he can promise to protect Gohan because of guilt or empathy but never because of a gag another thing mr.popo did train the mc the gag was that mr.popo is the strongest that a gag some may find it funny other not but that is not the problem at some point the narrator says that Mr po-po is stronger than zeno here is the problem first as i said a gag should never have an impact on the story and even less the power rankings of fiction and a narrator should be neutral it would be okay if The mc said that while thinking Because that would be just his opinion (maybe influenced by fear of the moment or just as a joke) but the narrator should stay neutral because in a story any thing the narrator says should be the True that was all I have to say about the humor let's go to the last thing my opinion about the mc (again my personal opinion and it has nothing to do with the quality of the story and it didn't influence my rankings) at the start I really liked the MC in the start Even when born as a human he did succeed in becoming stronger he was intelligent rational and would do anything to make the earth survive and would always make the most rational choice even if he had to sacrifice character (he didn't really sacrifice character just made sure that the story followed the canon an example made sure that goku was dead against Raditz so he can go to Kaio and lean kaioken for the fights against Vegeta later because he wasn't strong enough at that moment) i like his logical thinking not being blinded by his emotions (that was because he sees the characters just as characters not as real people) but as the story progressed he became more and more human and promised himself to never again sacrifice his friends even if he has to die The Characters development was amazing author i have nothing to say about it especially the confrontation with Picolo but I would have preferred his character was still the same i liked his rational manipulative personality that who did put the result before the process again that was just my preference Author good luck with the rest of the story you really have talent don't give up I tried to put my emotions out of the rating as much as possible and give the story the rating it deserves out of respect for the author

Dragon Ball Alternative

Equuleus_Nox

4.6

140 Chs