I feel like your writing still doesn’t work well for books. I’m not saying your writing is bad, but feels more like a script/storyboard to a tv show (the whole alien scene as an example).
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Thanks for the review. When you set up a big world, there will be many characters and events going around the world, right? That's why there are Interludes and POV's chapters that give us a general idea of what's going on around the world and not just stuck with MC's POV. And when multiple events are occurring at the same time, it's impossible to show only one side of the story. Just like the aliens chs which happened at the same time as MC woke up.
But we don't really need to know until its important for the mc (as in its having an effect in his life). RL is like this, but no one cares what is happening in other cities/countries/people, etc, unless they can affect you.
Xcalibur_Xc:Thanks for the review. When you set up a big world, there will be many characters and events going around the world, right? That's why there are Interludes and POV's chapters that give us a general idea of what's going on around the world and not just stuck with MC's POV. And when multiple events are occurring at the same time, it's impossible to show only one side of the story. Just like the aliens chs which happened at the same time as MC woke up.
Which is why I tell everyone to read further to know more.
PsyLoRD:But we don't really need to know until its important for the mc (as in its having an effect in his life). RL is like this, but no one cares what is happening in other cities/countries/people, etc, unless they can affect you.
the things is, you haven't manage to hook up the reader to care about the mc. that can result in the reader losing interest on the novel. i myself almost drop it when you spend 3 or 4 chaps on something else(random mob and the xeno aliens) that i don't need to know right now, because my attention is on the mc. we haven't really seen anything worthwhile to make the mc interesting in the first 6 chaps, and you already use those chapters (3) on random mob that i(and probably most reader) don't care about
Xcalibur_Xc:Which is why I tell everyone to read further to know more.
Bro, this ff is written for Scribblehub and Royal Road standards and I have more readers there than on Webnovel. Besides, I write how I want to write. Some like it, some don't. It's the same for any fics out there.
MorningWood_Dao:the things is, you haven't manage to hook up the reader to care about the mc. that can result in the reader losing interest on the novel. i myself almost drop it when you spend 3 or 4 chaps on something else(random mob and the xeno aliens) that i don't need to know right now, because my attention is on the mc. we haven't really seen anything worthwhile to make the mc interesting in the first 6 chaps, and you already use those chapters (3) on random mob that i(and probably most reader) don't care about
also, you overdramatize some part, especially the pizza part(not even chapters 10 yet), to new novel reader, they may get hooked up because they haven't seen that many novel yet. but for a veteran, it's just like "meh, move on please, wasting potential chapters"
MorningWood_Dao:the things is, you haven't manage to hook up the reader to care about the mc. that can result in the reader losing interest on the novel. i myself almost drop it when you spend 3 or 4 chaps on something else(random mob and the xeno aliens) that i don't need to know right now, because my attention is on the mc. we haven't really seen anything worthwhile to make the mc interesting in the first 6 chaps, and you already use those chapters (3) on random mob that i(and probably most reader) don't care about
if it's based on the RL and sh standard, then i feel that mine is too high. just like the op said, yours looks more like script writing rather than novel writing. your novel is interesting, but the writing kinda left me hanging. well it's only first 10 chapters. so, i don't know if it will be different or not in next chapters.
Xcalibur_Xc:Bro, this ff is written for Scribblehub and Royal Road standards and I have more readers there than on Webnovel. Besides, I write how I want to write. Some like it, some don't. It's the same for any fics out there.
Give it a try. Lol. I mean the ratings and comments on sc and rr are good so, I continued.
MorningWood_Dao:if it's based on the RL and sh standard, then i feel that mine is too high. just like the op said, yours looks more like script writing rather than novel writing. your novel is interesting, but the writing kinda left me hanging. well it's only first 10 chapters. so, i don't know if it will be different or not in next chapters.
