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B0mbaCl0ck
B0mbaCl0ckLv151yr
2023-09-01 01:38

A very good read with a steady progression. MC is intelligent and adaptive, while also extremely talented. Although his growth is slow, so far he hasn't had time to focus on strength, since most times he has been desperate to survive... one aspect i wish improved, as he has his own inheritance to discover.Even then, he manages to meet good girls for the cast, catch a few thick and cute spirits, while building up the base of his future harem. A novel i recommend to anyone who enjoys harem, though a slow burn, there is progress and seems to be accelerating as MC overcomes obstacles together with them.The plot is engaging and is not overly complicated, while the cast contains good and honorable girls with strong will and talent, albeit far below our MC.

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Replies18
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

thank you so much for the review!

HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

Got a question homie. Did you drop the book because of my irregular updates?

B0mbaCl0ck
B0mbaCl0ckLv15

More like, the privilege was too much. As for the anti hero with a family novel, it just didn't click with me.

HomieLv1:Got a question homie. Did you drop the book because of my irregular updates?
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

Got it :D I checked around and it seems to be pretty common privilege price, but I understand it's too much if a reader reads a lot! It just means my novel failed, tho you read quite far ahead so it didn't do that bad for you I guess xD

B0mbaCl0ck:More like, the privilege was too much. As for the anti hero with a family novel, it just didn't click with me.
B0mbaCl0ck
B0mbaCl0ckLv15

No, you didn't do bad. But too many added up novels make me pick only a few. While i enjoyed reading it, i only pay that much for 2-3 novels i've been following for a really long time, since the money adds up. Most i just read up until that point.

HomieLv1:Got it :D I checked around and it seems to be pretty common privilege price, but I understand it's too much if a reader reads a lot! It just means my novel failed, tho you read quite far ahead so it didn't do that bad for you I guess xD
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

I feel like I know what kind of novels you've picked :D Well, you are a vocal reader so I'd love to have you here lol Since I've been told my english sucks and is hard to read, I'm trying to improve it and will do my best on the next novel :D Hope our paths cross then

B0mbaCl0ck:No, you didn't do bad. But too many added up novels make me pick only a few. While i enjoyed reading it, i only pay that much for 2-3 novels i've been following for a really long time, since the money adds up. Most i just read up until that point.
B0mbaCl0ck
B0mbaCl0ckLv15

Your english is not bad at all man. if there's one thing i were to say was the issue with the 2nd novel, it was that the begining was not centered on MC. For me, if there's a mother in a harem novel, she should be MC's target. I don't enjoy reading family interactions with some father in cozy family settings, especially in an apocalyptic setting. I couldn't see the Harem tag in a group of parents with 2 kids, and some black magic jumble. While funny, it gets old quick for me, so i prefer adoptive mommy with a big sis who aren't blood related to MC so he can romance.Other men don't have a place in MC centered harem stories unless distant side chard or enemies.Then, for the other one, Hunter's character was obnoxious and naive. He also got old, since because of him, romantic developments were non existent and awkward. Then things advanced too fast, every random mission they took, had to result in insurmountable challenges, where MC pulled tricks on the brink of death like some anime character. No sense of peace adds tension, which, if it builds up, it makes reading tedious, at least to me.Your english is better than most, just, put more thought in your settings, and focus on the characters that matter, without thursting them every 10 chaps in hopeless situations for absurd growth like anime cliche. Make their growth progressive, not explosive, with effort and thought. Hunter was quite a bad MC from all points of view, what you might call a waste.

HomieLv1:I feel like I know what kind of novels you've picked :D Well, you are a vocal reader so I'd love to have you here lol Since I've been told my english sucks and is hard to read, I'm trying to improve it and will do my best on the next novel :D Hope our paths cross then
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

Thank you for your kinds words about my english :D But I know there are shortcomings, and if I want to make this a stable job then I gotta push through :D I also feel like I understand your points better now that I've become a reader to improve, and since I like ha rem genre I will keep them in mind :D That apocalypse novel was my pitiful attempt to kill time and improve my mood tho and it even got refused for a contract so I just gave up on it, but at least it can serve as to not what to do next time haha thank you for your time homie. I might bother you when I release my next stuff ;d don't get mad at me haha

B0mbaCl0ck:Your english is not bad at all man. if there's one thing i were to say was the issue with the 2nd novel, it was that the begining was not centered on MC. For me, if there's a mother in a harem novel, she should be MC's target. I don't enjoy reading family interactions with some father in cozy family settings, especially in an apocalyptic setting. I couldn't see the Harem tag in a group of parents with 2 kids, and some black magic jumble. While funny, it gets old quick for me, so i prefer adoptive mommy with a big sis who aren't blood related to MC so he can romance.Other men don't have a place in MC centered harem stories unless distant side chard or enemies.Then, for the other one, Hunter's character was obnoxious and naive. He also got old, since because of him, romantic developments were non existent and awkward. Then things advanced too fast, every random mission they took, had to result in insurmountable challenges, where MC pulled tricks on the brink of death like some anime character. No sense of peace adds tension, which, if it builds up, it makes reading tedious, at least to me.Your english is better than most, just, put more thought in your settings, and focus on the characters that matter, without thursting them every 10 chaps in hopeless situations for absurd growth like anime cliche. Make their growth progressive, not explosive, with effort and thought. Hunter was quite a bad MC from all points of view, what you might call a waste.
B0mbaCl0ck
B0mbaCl0ckLv15

I never got mad at you for anything actually. But sure. When you decide to write something, hit me up.

HomieLv1:Thank you for your kinds words about my english :D But I know there are shortcomings, and if I want to make this a stable job then I gotta push through :D I also feel like I understand your points better now that I've become a reader to improve, and since I like ha rem genre I will keep them in mind :D That apocalypse novel was my pitiful attempt to kill time and improve my mood tho and it even got refused for a contract so I just gave up on it, but at least it can serve as to not what to do next time haha thank you for your time homie. I might bother you when I release my next stuff ;d don't get mad at me haha
B0mbaCl0ck
B0mbaCl0ckLv15

As for my advice as a long time reader of ha-rem, and WN in general. You want your story to be lighthearted, but with realistic challenges that can be surpassed by MC and his girls, to alternate between slice of life and action, to have liniar progression, steamy scenes and romantic developments. Also, incremental increases in power levels as time moves on. No jumble such as rivals, no 2nd MC's, or spending too long on side chars POV. Focus on MC and his view of the world mostly, in relation to his girls and the people around him. Plot doesn't need to be too heavy or complicated, as long as the power system is interesting and has a clear path of growth. As for the MC, whimpy cowards are a no. Dense is a major no, with the proactive and selfish ones being the top. You don't need a hero or someone who shouts that he will save the world, since that's just naivete. If you add a family for MC, make it an adoptive single mother, to hook your readers with, and focus on developing her as main girl. If not, make him an orphan, since it's a waste to focus on a mother and father, as it's too normal. Make sure there is a higher arching main plot, without making it feel like Damocles' sword (the sword that hangs above your head on a string, and can always fall). Use tension in intervals, perhaps during fights, or occasionally through side plots, but never as a main motivator. There is much more to say, but anyway.. this is my honest opinion.

HomieLv1:Thank you for your kinds words about my english :D But I know there are shortcomings, and if I want to make this a stable job then I gotta push through :D I also feel like I understand your points better now that I've become a reader to improve, and since I like ha rem genre I will keep them in mind :D That apocalypse novel was my pitiful attempt to kill time and improve my mood tho and it even got refused for a contract so I just gave up on it, but at least it can serve as to not what to do next time haha thank you for your time homie. I might bother you when I release my next stuff ;d don't get mad at me haha
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

I've released a new novel homie. "Overgearing My Protagonists" is the title. Sorry for a bother :D

B0mbaCl0ck:I never got mad at you for anything actually. But sure. When you decide to write something, hit me up.
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

lol I see you are big on dxd fanfics now haha

B0mbaCl0ck
B0mbaCl0ckLv15

If only i could find any good ones. Either AI, or Rias haters or downright bad stories. Only a couple were remotely decent, and not even those were that good.

HomieLv1:lol I see you are big on dxd fanfics now haha
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

lol I used to like Rias when I was into dxd well me hitting ya up cause I need some of your wisdom when it comes to my new novel haha forget if you are on fanfic hype xd

B0mbaCl0ck:If only i could find any good ones. Either AI, or Rias haters or downright bad stories. Only a couple were remotely decent, and not even those were that good.
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

B0mbaCl0ck:I never got mad at you for anything actually. But sure. When you decide to write something, hit me up.
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

BOMBA-CHAN! Come and read my Supreme Archer!

B0mbaCl0ck
B0mbaCl0ckLv15

.... I don't like Bows xD.. never digged them as weps cause bows are never the strongest weapon, also kinda cowardly and reliant on frontliners.

HomieLv1:BOMBA-CHAN! Come and read my Supreme Archer!
HomieLv1
HomieLv1Author

Bomba, you know why I am here for, right? Check my profile ;)

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