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Kirito_Link
Kirito_LinkLv21yr
2023-06-03 21:16

This story is terrible not because of what you are trying to say, but how you say it. There are several grammatical errors, making the story too mechanical, so it's not really pleasing to the eye.

DANMACHI WITH YUNO TEMPLATE (rewriten )

faiz_mumtaz
Not enough ratings
9 Chs

Liked by 3 people

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Replies9
faiz_mumtaz
faiz_mumtazAuthor

well i know how about my grammar but i don't under stand about the mechanical thing? can you tell?

1yr
Kirito_Link
Kirito_LinkLv2

Like how do you feel reading this?

faiz_mumtaz:well i know how about my grammar but i don't under stand about the mechanical thing? can you tell?
1yr
4
Kirito_Link
Kirito_LinkLv2

It doesn't really feel humans, like the repetition of the 'ed', the 'later on' that is repeted twice in a row.

Kirito_Link:Like how do you feel reading this?
image
1yr
3
faiz_mumtaz
faiz_mumtazAuthor

owh. naruhodo, so i need make longer ? (don't worry i will rewrite that. is there any paragraph or chapter i need to rewrite?) (Also can you give me some reference for that one i really don't know how) thank you for your advice

Kirito_Link:It doesn't really feel humans, like the repetition of the 'ed', the 'later on' that is repeted twice in a row.
1yr
Kirito_Link
Kirito_LinkLv2

You did not understand a thing I said... What I meant was that you should avoid repetitions of words, verbs in ed/ing... Nothing about the length of the chapters, but overall I think you should rewrite every chapter. Sorry to say it to you, but yes it's that bad. Another example of mistakes I found in your latest chapter I believe was 'Bell and Zeus who is walk'... You should have written it like 'Bell and Zeus walked' or 'Bell and Zeus were walking'...

faiz_mumtaz:owh. naruhodo, so i need make longer ? (don't worry i will rewrite that. is there any paragraph or chapter i need to rewrite?) (Also can you give me some reference for that one i really don't know how) thank you for your advice
1yr
3
Kirito_Link
Kirito_LinkLv2

If I ever had to rate your English, I would say it is A2. Which is quite low, I'm mainly not ranking you A1 because you have some vocabulary but your grammar is simply awful.

Kirito_Link:You did not understand a thing I said... What I meant was that you should avoid repetitions of words, verbs in ed/ing... Nothing about the length of the chapters, but overall I think you should rewrite every chapter. Sorry to say it to you, but yes it's that bad. Another example of mistakes I found in your latest chapter I believe was 'Bell and Zeus who is walk'... You should have written it like 'Bell and Zeus walked' or 'Bell and Zeus were walking'...
1yr
4
faiz_mumtaz
faiz_mumtazAuthor

owh okay, for next chapter i will using an app. please tell me if make it better or not thanks. guide me again

Kirito_Link:You did not understand a thing I said... What I meant was that you should avoid repetitions of words, verbs in ed/ing... Nothing about the length of the chapters, but overall I think you should rewrite every chapter. Sorry to say it to you, but yes it's that bad. Another example of mistakes I found in your latest chapter I believe was 'Bell and Zeus who is walk'... You should have written it like 'Bell and Zeus walked' or 'Bell and Zeus were walking'...
1yr
Lazy_Fox111
Lazy_Fox111Lv4

Try using the synonyms of some words you need so that it wouldn't sound repetitive.

faiz_mumtaz:well i know how about my grammar but i don't under stand about the mechanical thing? can you tell?
1yr
2
MrSheta
MrShetaLv10

(srry my bad eng....) use chat gpt to edit your chapters... I've read that it works wonders... try it.

faiz_mumtaz:owh okay, for next chapter i will using an app. please tell me if make it better or not thanks. guide me again
1yr
2
Other Reviews
Andrew_Lagasse
Andrew_LagasseLv13

good story hope there will be more look forward to the next chapter

1yr

faiz_mumtaz
faiz_mumtazAuthor

4 star for me :3 i will update weekly after 16 jun 2023

1yr
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