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Ultimate_Boss
Ultimate_BossLv121yr
2023-09-03 03:41

Although late the beginning of the novel isn’t really ok the MC is given an op system with the situation being that the only threat to him are lvl 99 and max lvl beings. Him saying that he wants to create a force then proceeding to attemp to take over the world does not match the level of his system cuz the fog he put up will eventually attract the attention of powerful beings because it’s range is large there are other things about the story that don’t match the level of the system or just spoil the story line I’m just to lazy to type but as the writer you’ll probably understand what I mean from what I type next You could have solved a lot of problems about how the plot would be by making him unable to use the system on himself then just give him the undying skill, his lvl ten mortal body, cultivation techniques, stealth techniques and other skills to make him strong but not to strong that you have to force the Mc to make a dumb choice to create plot Next make the world a hidden cultivators society, tower or any supernatural type world, whatever you like(I haven’t read far enough to confirm if this novel is like that but I just felt that this novel could have been a lot better) This novel in the beginning is basically you giving an adult a nuclear missle level weapon and having him fight kids You made the MC out to be a person anxious to protect his parents after losing them once but yet he was willing to give up a chance to quickly become powerful despite knowing there are beings his system created fog can’t block Well this is just my own opinion and I’m not trying to attack? You

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mobisa
mobisaAuthor

You make so mich sense i can't argue. And I will work on a better novel. This is my first work, so you know...Look at my other works, maybe you'll see something i can't and help me write better

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