The grammar is not perfect but it is readable. The development of the story is not going very well, the fact that the MC does not have the memories of the body is a little disturbing because the ex body owner was a genius, i really hope the muscle memory stayed otherwise it will become du grand n'importe quoi.I am a son of Hades, le fils d'un des Big tree, even if it happened at the moment he took over the body, he should have been stronger, Physically, this means that he woke up too soon after his transmigration, he would have had to stay sick in the struggle, the time that his body adapts to these powers of demi God, he agreed to call the mother of the corps "mom" too quickly , it's like he rejected all his past without thinking and is already close to school and everything,It's not realistic enough. The author should really look up the powers of Hades and see the technical data sheets of the demigod son of Hades in Percy Jackson , The MC should have been more OP. The development of the relationship with Alice is extremely forced ,Alice is too OCC inside, it's not our lovely Alice , The MC is not yet stable enough in this new life to notice Alice, He doesn't even know what his birthday is, that of his mother, In short, his identity is precarious at this moment. In short, I hope I didn't insult the author with my remarks, I just wanted to help with the huge holes in the plot.
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Agreed. This is a good review.
Thanks for the review. Well, I didn't read Twilight fanfics to make mine. I've seen all the movies and that's how I see the characters within it. The "lovely Alice" isn't as desperate for a relationship within the film as in many fanfictions I've seen. I don't like to force any kind of personality on the characters as if they only boiled down to that (example: alice = too passionate. Jessica = pick me). I don't feel comfortable doing stories like that. I couldn't understand about their relationship being forced, if imprinting is something so intense, and they only had one date... I'm developing the MC's powers little by little. Even though he was strong, not even 1 week passed in the plot. There's still a lot to happen and for you to discover, mainly because the fights are still far away, as I'm faithfully following the events of the movie (I literally keep the movie open in another tab while I write to follow perfectly). About the "mother" part: He can feel the body's past life feelings. As for the grammar, it's really not something I can sort out right now. I'm not fluent, and I can't afford an editor right now, but I'm improving over time. Thanks again for the review :D
are you simply basing this of the movie version? the books go into things so much more in my opinion, if you haven't read them I would for more source material. there is little things in the books that don't make it at all into the movies,
Toruu:Thanks for the review. Well, I didn't read Twilight fanfics to make mine. I've seen all the movies and that's how I see the characters within it. The "lovely Alice" isn't as desperate for a relationship within the film as in many fanfictions I've seen. I don't like to force any kind of personality on the characters as if they only boiled down to that (example: alice = too passionate. Jessica = pick me). I don't feel comfortable doing stories like that. I couldn't understand about their relationship being forced, if imprinting is something so intense, and they only had one date... I'm developing the MC's powers little by little. Even though he was strong, not even 1 week passed in the plot. There's still a lot to happen and for you to discover, mainly because the fights are still far away, as I'm faithfully following the events of the movie (I literally keep the movie open in another tab while I write to follow perfectly). About the "mother" part: He can feel the body's past life feelings. As for the grammar, it's really not something I can sort out right now. I'm not fluent, and I can't afford an editor right now, but I'm improving over time. Thanks again for the review :Dimage
also if you're still having trouble with the grammer, have a look into Grammerly. also quilbot for a free simplistic editor, if needed.
Wolf_blade_99:are you simply basing this of the movie version? the books go into things so much more in my opinion, if you haven't read them I would for more source material. there is little things in the books that don't make it at all into the movies,
