I can see multiple problem on your story 1/the story is very rushed there are multiple times skip in one chapter which removes anytime that allows you to build the world, the character et cetera. 2/My second problem, the character building is non-existent even the romance is rushed . 3/There is no world building The world existence I want to go from a to b that's all. 4/very poor magic system Everyone has an element and you go from 0 to 9 cultivation style If you're add some of magical element from Harry Potter, the quality of the story improve a lot. 5/and finally there is no core concept in the story What is the reason behind his existence? What is his goal? from what I see the protagonist only want to become stronger For the sake of being strong, he neither had an ambition or goal that make him want to be stronger is for the sake of being strong that’s all. example for goals that you can put behind your protagonist wanting to know from where comes magic /wanted to discover and research magic/ Rolling the magical world /improving the magic world , et cetera and these are simple goals You can be creative. You can add an enemy From his past and don’t make the protagonist overpowered Because if he is overpowered the story will become boring with no struggle no excitement that’s all for me.
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LIKEI love magic and magic story however From what I see in your story, it seems like you had an idea and directly started to write the story without a manuscript or planning my review doesn’t come out of malice I wish that you can learn an to improve your writing and story telling because I really enjoy magic story and I wish to see more of it here and WebNovel instead of a magic night who fight in close combat when he has magic which is most stories these days that is dominating this platform.
Noted.
I enjoy reading magic novels, but I’ve noticed that many of them feel repetitive. For example, in most stories, the magic starts the same—apprentice mages casting simple spells like fireballs. Later, when they become sorcerers or magi, the magic is described as 'more powerful,' but it’s essentially the same thing. It’s boring. I want unique magic systems, something new and creative. Unfortunately, many novels just copy and paste ideas from others.
Ill try to read your story
I don’t have a problem with people copying other stories magic system however my problem is they take the carbon copy of the same system there and put it here and here I draw the line it’s okay to go and copy a successful magic system that you have to add your spinoff on it and then improve it most of the others on this site usually only take a carbon copy of that system and put it in the story. Why? Because that story was successful then my story must be successful too. When in reality that story succeeded because of it originality and creativity and that what most authors don’t realise that . to be honest the power system in any novel should be considered a background what I mean yes it is important but not to the degree that you ignore character building and world building because these to + the story development is the core concept of the story. And yeah, I feel you about the fireball bullshit. Most authors are too lazy to create a decent magic system with decent spells because their mind is stuck on the wizard and witches in RPG games where they keep shooting fireballs or ice spikes, etc and very limited their imagination to those few spells out of habit and laziness and materialism because they want to pump a story after story without putting any effort and hard work in studying what made a successful story successful.
