webnovel
coldog22
coldog22Lv151yr
2023-05-26 01:27

I can't get past the grammer issues and repetitive sentences. Multiple paragraphs in the same chapter contradict themselves. The story may have had potential, but I can't continue this to find out.

Liked by 10 people

LIKE
Replies2
Zero_writer
Zero_writerAuthor

Thanks for taking the time to write a review. I know the grammar is not good, especially in the starting chapters. I will soon rewrite the starting chapters, it is just getting delayed because of some reasons.

coldog22
coldog22Lv15

If/When you do, please comment on here again. I'll go back and read from the beginning. If it's improved enough to get me hooked, I'll update my review.

Zero_writer:Thanks for taking the time to write a review. I know the grammar is not good, especially in the starting chapters. I will soon rewrite the starting chapters, it is just getting delayed because of some reasons.
image
Other Reviews
Related Stories

My SSS-Rank Class Is Blood Monarch!

'Divinity Online'. The new breakthrough in the Full-Immersion Virtual Reality technology. After decades of work, Divinity Corp had achieved the impossible. Creating a massive video game world that people can enter and live in as if it were Earth. Their goal was clear, to create a world other than Earth that we can call home. A place where the laws of reality vanish, and the true ceiling of power shifts completely. Naturally, the shockwave Divinity Online created across the entire globe was unlike anything else. Every single person has heard of it, even those who have had no interest in video games before. Giant corporations and even governments immediately rushed to start planning to invest in this new world and just like that, billions of people had their eyes on one single date: the 19th of July. *** Arthur, like everyone else, had heard of the game and was as excited as everyone else to try it, if not even more. With how much he grew bored of his life on earth, this fantasy world was like the divine call he had been searching for. However, there was a very small problem. He had no money to buy the machine required to access Divinity Online. His wretched life had turned him into a broke teenager with no parents, and no relatives. But, by some kind of luck, he got his hands on one of those machines. Not knowing what was awaiting him in that world, Arthur was simply seeking one thing... A new opportunity in life and to find a purpose he could work for when he had none so far. [Welcome to 'Divinity Online'.] [Assimilation Started...]

Frost_Bite8 · Fantasy
4.2
290 Chs

Talent Awakening: Draconic Overlord Of The Apocalypse

Updates daily at 8:00 (GMT +8) "Level up? Dragons?" Eighteen. The age of Awakening. An important moment where every human in the desolate maga-cities unlocks their Talent, a unique ability to carve a path in this monster-plagued apocalyptic world. Alister Hazenworth, a graduating student, and a rising star at the prestigious Aegis Academy, was destined for greatness. His exceptional athleticism and magical aptitude promise a powerful Talent – a guarantee for a secure life and social status. But fate had different plans. During Alister's Awakening ceremony, it's revealed that he's a Summoner. Instead of admiration, he faces mockery. His once bright future turns bleak as his "friends" desert him for Talents they see as more "useful." left alone, Alister awakens a system. [Host found, system binding...] [System binded successfully.] [Congrats, you have gain the status of 'player'.] [Ding!! Congrats to the player for awakening The Dragonforge - an overlord system.] [Ding!! it has been detected that the player possesses a latent draconic aspect, and as such will only be able to summon dragons!!] [Will the player like to proceed with their first summoning?] Cast aside and underestimated, Alister becomes a force to be reckoned with. He embarks on a journey, building his own dragon army – a crew of majestic wyverns, fearsome drakes, and ancient wyrms. He raids the wastelands, reclaims lost resources, and dismantles the prejudice against summoners. Every day, his power grows, his bond with his dragons deepens, and his legend spreads like wildfire. Discord server: https://discord.gg/zbQwWCSCrn [A/N: This is a slow paced novel, don't expect the protagonist to suddenly start out overpowered and start dominating left and right, he will become an overlord of dragons, yes, but it will take time. (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)] Cover made by me /⁠ᐠ⁠。⁠ꞈ⁠。⁠ᐟ⁠\

Zurbluris · Fantasy
4.4
397 Chs

An Extra’s Rise in an Eroge

Arthur, an avid gamer, accepts his friend’s dare to beat an infamous eroge game that no one has ever completed. The problem? The game is designed to trap players in endless smut scenes, with every decision leading to the same outcome: more smut scenes, world destruction and game over. After countless failed attempts and growing frustration, Arthur takes to the game's community forum, venting his anger at the developers. To his shock, he receives a cryptic response from the developer challenging him to find a different ending. Moments later, Arthur is pulled into the game itself, awakening in the body of an unremarkable extra. Arthur finds himself embodying the very lifestyle he once despised—fooling around at every turn and getting swept up in the woman's seductive temptations. Can Arthur resist the game’s temptations, uncover hidden paths, and finally break free? Or will he become yet another player lost to its endless scenes? or he will do both? Follow Arthur’s journey for a fresh story filled with humor, plot twists, and concepts you won’t find elsewhere. This novel includes incest, so if that's something you're uncomfortable with, you may want to avoid it. [Warning: Mature content R-18 ] Tags:- Harem, Op Mc, smut, romance, Milfs, Virgins, Netori, Succubus, Vampires, Elves, Princesses, Gilfs, Demonesses, Angels, Goddesses, Dragons, Phoenixes, Dryads, long seggs scenes, System, and many more. Release Schedule & Support: Chapter Releases: 2 daily chapters, each with 1k+ words. Support & Bonuses: I'm newly contracted and part of the win-win program! Privilege purchases, gifts, golden tickets, power stones, collections, and especially comments are greatly appreciated and keep me motivated. Give this a try—it’s a story that promises surprises at every turn, as long as you make it through the beginning!

Sensual_Sage · Fantasy
4.5
158 Chs

Lackey's Seducing Survival Odyssey

The world was cruel..... Especially for those who had lost their chances to shine. Aether was one of them.... Aether, an individual born with a silver spoon, found himself discarded like a defective product. He had longed for love and tenderness, but what others showed him was nothing but pain. Even in the face of that pain, he smiled not because he wanted to, but because he had no other choice. Despite the heartbreak, he entered into a hell called society with a beautiful smile..... "Can't you do a single thing!!" "..." "You are fired!!!" "....W-Wh.." "I am sorry, Sir, but you need at least a bachelor's degree to enter our company!!" "....I-I am..." "I am sorry, Sir, but we cannot provide a loan for your ideas without reassurance!!" "....W-Why?" "I heard your father is a politician.... So, You know...." "...." After a long struggle, he finally got a job, but his brother's words rang in his ears: "Yeah, yeah… I know you got the job thanks to me, of course. So, don't ever contact me or even MY parents" his brother declared. "...Heh..." Just as he believed he had earned society's recognition, an unforeseen event claimed his pathetic, seemingly worthless life.... "HONK!! HONK!!" Yet, amidst the cruelty of society, he defiantly cried, “I JUST WANT TO LIVE!!!!!” Witnessing his heartfelt cry and desire to live in the hellish place called society, he was granted a second chance. ~Ding!~ However, even in this new life, his situation remained unchanged. He continued to struggle not only to live and eat but also..... seduction. "HOW DARE YOU SEDUCE THE PRINCESS!!" ".....he..he... B-But I didn't seduce her!!" "HOW DARE YOU SEDUCE MY MOTHER!!" "...Hehe" "YOU HAVE SOME NERVE TO SEDUCE MY WIFE, DON'T YOU?" "HEHEHEHEHEE....." _________________ Discord Server Link: 6JA46z23bw

AbiLIon · Fantasy
4.5
749 Chs