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Lox_Of_Sins
Lox_Of_SinsLv41yr
2023-09-01 08:36

Okay, after I got to chapter 24 I gave up, its hard to read something you’re no longer enjoying, this is a personal preference but I would’ve prepared if he went into a deep sleep in ice or something until canon starts with fin and Jake I get that the Author wants to build a relationship between marcylane and Blanche but it gets to forced after a while, I tried sorry but it’s just not for me.

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Capybarian
CapybarianLv3

This fanfic idea had so much potential, that if written properly, I'm sure that it would be in my top 5 fanfics on this platform. Unfortunately, it has many issues acting as a barrier to its full potential. For most of the fanfic, instead of being immersed in a story of adventure, I felt like I was instead reading a journal of the main character. It doesn't help that for a lot of the chapters, especially in the beginning, the main character breaks the immersion with his summaries of what has happened. There is also the lack of descriptions of the environment, which is something most stories need to give the readers a good idea of what the surroundings of the characters are. I really advise the author to learn and apply the phrase "Show, don't tell." as it is a good way to improve your fanfic immensely. There was also the lack of capitalization and ending punctuations in many of the sentences. Aside from that, the grammar and spelling are fine. Though the sentences did read like I was going through a grade-schooler's work, but that can be attributed to the author not being fluent in english. As for the secondary characters and the main character himself... They're lacking, in my opinion. The mc just goes with the flow, and we don't really see him have meaningful dialogue with other characters that much. And the author doesn't really put in that much effort in developing him. I unfortunately will not continue to read this story. But if you've read my review, disagree, and continue reading yourself, that's fine. Everyone has their own standards and tastes. This fanfic just doesn't correspond with mine.

DaoistoUzZBO
DaoistoUzZBOLv2
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