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lindre
lindreLv141yr
2023-07-24 05:21

A very one dimensional fast paced boring fanfiction. A one piece fanfiction needs to be more than just sailing from one island to next, having sudden powerups and long narrated fights. It needs elements of kingdom building, information gathering, building alliances, weakening the opponent before the actual fight, betrayals.

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Captain_Erebus
Captain_ErebusAuthor

This is such a terrible review and I'm not saying this because of the low rating or because I can't take criticism but this is genuinely such a bad review. You say building alliances? One of the biggest plot points in the story is Ashen and Shiki alliance and how they take down the WG. Information gathering? MC is a reincarnator and knows everything about one piece, so what's there to gather? Weakening the opponent before the fight? Ashen deliberately went to Marinford taking advantage of the chaos that Whitebeard made to weaken the marines by killing two Admirals. You say Kingdom building? this is not Tensura, it's one piece and it's about Pirates no one want's to read some boring detail of how Ashen manages his territory alas there are still some elements of Kingdom building like making deal with doflamingo for SMILE fruit and weapons, Ashen invading and subduing Standing Kingdom as well as forcing The yonta maria grand fleet to work for him and much more. Long Narrated fights? I think you mean long Narrated wars with a few exceptions. You can't expect me to describe a war in two or three chapters and even that I think my fights a relatively short in comparison to other other one piece fanfics. Sudden Power ups? That seems like a one piece thing, but even that it's stated that something like Haki blooms during life and death battles so you should be expecting that(I'm not talking about the Rokushiki at the start, I made a bad mistake then since I was new to writing). One dimensional story, I don't know what you exactly mean by that but If you mean the characters then I think that's far from truth, I clearly gave every one of them goals, motivation, unique personalities, backstory and even let everyone have there own moments to shine during battles which most fanfic don't even bother to do as they keep focusing on the mc. I'm not gonna argue with the pacing since everyone has its own préférence but I personally don't feel like writing 400 chapters long fanfic. Anyway I don't know if you're gonna bother reading all this but I'm just gonna leave it here.

lindre
lindreLv14

I didnt think i would have to further explain my review, i guess u took it as me hating on ur novel but what it is, is just a neutral review from someone who has read like prolly over 100 one piece fanfictions. Let me explain the points i made, first starting with one dimensional story, for me ur fanfiction lacks depth and complexity, the plot is always like "beat the next guy" and the process to it is always the same. You could have maybe used variations to reach ur goal "beat the next guy". Maybe also add different points of view, i felt like Ashen always saw OP world as an anime world even when he himself was in it and experiencing life in OP world, he never saw it as real, he never felt the scale of OP world. Ur story felt like an "arrow being shot, flying straight, rising speed and hitting its goal". And the aspect of kingdom building; what do u think happens when someone reaches yonko status and gains territory in new world? Who manages it? With what money does the crew expand their power? How would they gain relevant information in their territory, entire world and inside marine? How would they go up against a goverment with 800 years reign while they themselves have been pirates for like 4-5 years? My god, this whole thing has gotten too long. U know what, u r for sure way better writer than me so when i eventually write my story, u write me a nevative review then karma will be fulfilled.

Captain_Erebus
Captain_ErebusAuthor

I understand your points, the book is not perfect and there are problems in it , but I genuinely felt like some of the points that you made in the review were unfair, on top of that you only mentioned bad things but not the good ones that's why I had to reply. I didn't take it as hating but I thought you probably didn't make it that far into the book before you judge it. Nevertheless I appreciate you taking the time to read it and good luck if ever decide to write a book of your own.

lindre:I didnt think i would have to further explain my review, i guess u took it as me hating on ur novel but what it is, is just a neutral review from someone who has read like prolly over 100 one piece fanfictions. Let me explain the points i made, first starting with one dimensional story, for me ur fanfiction lacks depth and complexity, the plot is always like "beat the next guy" and the process to it is always the same. You could have maybe used variations to reach ur goal "beat the next guy". Maybe also add different points of view, i felt like Ashen always saw OP world as an anime world even when he himself was in it and experiencing life in OP world, he never saw it as real, he never felt the scale of OP world. Ur story felt like an "arrow being shot, flying straight, rising speed and hitting its goal". And the aspect of kingdom building; what do u think happens when someone reaches yonko status and gains territory in new world? Who manages it? With what money does the crew expand their power? How would they gain relevant information in their territory, entire world and inside marine? How would they go up against a goverment with 800 years reign while they themselves have been pirates for like 4-5 years? My god, this whole thing has gotten too long. U know what, u r for sure way better writer than me so when i eventually write my story, u write me a nevative review then karma will be fulfilled.
lindre
lindreLv14

You are right, when giving my initial review i should have also mentioned the good things i liked when reading ur novel. I liked ur writing style the most, almost no grammer mistakes, very imaginitive, easy to follow. The beginning arcs of ur novel were great, i can see that u took ur time setting up the arcs and character.

Captain_Erebus:I understand your points, the book is not perfect and there are problems in it , but I genuinely felt like some of the points that you made in the review were unfair, on top of that you only mentioned bad things but not the good ones that's why I had to reply. I didn't take it as hating but I thought you probably didn't make it that far into the book before you judge it. Nevertheless I appreciate you taking the time to read it and good luck if ever decide to write a book of your own.
NOIR_THE_PROMODIAL
NOIR_THE_PROMODIALLv4

recommend some bro(the one piece fics you have read till now).

lindre:I didnt think i would have to further explain my review, i guess u took it as me hating on ur novel but what it is, is just a neutral review from someone who has read like prolly over 100 one piece fanfictions. Let me explain the points i made, first starting with one dimensional story, for me ur fanfiction lacks depth and complexity, the plot is always like "beat the next guy" and the process to it is always the same. You could have maybe used variations to reach ur goal "beat the next guy". Maybe also add different points of view, i felt like Ashen always saw OP world as an anime world even when he himself was in it and experiencing life in OP world, he never saw it as real, he never felt the scale of OP world. Ur story felt like an "arrow being shot, flying straight, rising speed and hitting its goal". And the aspect of kingdom building; what do u think happens when someone reaches yonko status and gains territory in new world? Who manages it? With what money does the crew expand their power? How would they gain relevant information in their territory, entire world and inside marine? How would they go up against a goverment with 800 years reign while they themselves have been pirates for like 4-5 years? My god, this whole thing has gotten too long. U know what, u r for sure way better writer than me so when i eventually write my story, u write me a nevative review then karma will be fulfilled.
lindre
lindreLv14

Check out my reading list.

NOIR_THE_PROMODIAL:recommend some bro(the one piece fics you have read till now).
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NOIR_THE_PROMODIAL
NOIR_THE_PROMODIALLv4

thanks bro.

lindre:Check out my reading list.
gaurav_Kumar_1424
gaurav_Kumar_1424Lv4

I checked your reading list and Naruto outsiders resolve isn't in your list. So I recommend you to read it should satisfied based on your review here.

lindre:Check out my reading list.
lindre
lindreLv14

I have read that story up to chapter 70, but the story wasnt going anywhere, MCs character was very unlikeable and very weak no matter how much he trained. And the cherry on top is that the author has a tendency to always drop his projects which he has already done with this naruto story!

gaurav_Kumar_1424:I checked your reading list and Naruto outsiders resolve isn't in your list. So I recommend you to read it should satisfied based on your review here.
gaurav_Kumar_1424
gaurav_Kumar_1424Lv4

huh really ,I actually really enjoyed it.The feeling of satisfaction and victory when mc achieves something plus writing is really good although mc is one of the most miserable one I have seen but because he was so miserable his victory satisfies the most. I don't know about dropping but he is uploading chapters in his patreon so I am hoping there will be more chapter soon.

lindre:I have read that story up to chapter 70, but the story wasnt going anywhere, MCs character was very unlikeable and very weak no matter how much he trained. And the cherry on top is that the author has a tendency to always drop his projects which he has already done with this naruto story!
Great_Young_Master
Great_Young_MasterLv10

"One Piece: White Hunter" and "One Piece: Path to Power" are two really good ones. Path to Power is good but doesn't really have much tension as the MC has countless cheats going for him. While White Hunter has better story and you could feel the struggle and tension of the MC as the author isn't afraid to pull any punches similar to his previous One Piece fanfic. Although they're severely different, they both have their own charms and should be used as an example to others if they want to take an inspiration if they want to make a One Piece story.

NOIR_THE_PROMODIAL:recommend some bro(the one piece fics you have read till now).
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