the story is not really bad but there are many problems the grammar and especially yhe dialogues need work then we have many plot holes.. how jon had ghost when he was only 8? how a kid 8 y old with only months of training can kill 3 grow men who fight at pits? unrealistic why jon snow didn't ask of the guy from dorne to send a message to his father so ned knows where jon and maybe save him?? kal said jon snow is a westerosi name..and he named him jonos snow..wow amazing deference all this and more small plotholes make the story not bad but not really good either!
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I realise there are a lot of plot holes I I gave him ghost because if he didn’t then he wouldn’t have gotten him because he would be in Essos It is an AU there is going to be a lot of different things one thing that is different is warging, I’ve made it so Jon gets a power boost and that was the only way he was able to kill the men in the pits. If I’m being honest I didn’t have him ask for Perros to give his father a message because I was going to have him be one that Jon had to fight to become the Champion of the fighting pits then I realised that it would make dorne angry at him when he finaly returns to Westeros. So it was a last minute change and genuinely a mistake sorry. The grammar won’t get better sorry I’ve got severe dyslexia and I really struggle to put my thoughts into words. I hope you keep reading but if not thanks for the review.
Also I thought about naming him Jhonno But it was sounded stupid to me and Jon just felt wrong for a Dothraki so I settled for Jonos as it sounded ok but was more Dothraki. Plus it was more a focus if Jon being the name of a Westorosi slave and Jonos was the name of a free Dothraki And it was also him being given the title the pale Dothraki which will later become the Pale Khal
Jonos is a riverland name Jonos bracken
Good catch, didn’t know that and I’m impressed you did. But unfortunately it’s a bit late to change his name to something more traditionaly Dothraki
