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N0_HopeLv22yr
2022-06-10 21:19

Writing Quality : 3/5 Stability of Updates : 4/5 Story Development : 3/5 Character Design : 3/5 World Background : 4/5 The main problem is not the grammar but the way the author has written the story . I'm not a native speaker but I can tell that I've read many stories and some of them have a proper way of writting and others ... It's not a bad thing, the author worked hard and tried but I would suggest reading official novels to have a reference point on the dialogues.

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ThrustAuthor

In your opinion what could i do to make it better?

N0_HopeLv2

It's a difficult question to answer. When I evaluate is after reading and feeling so I'm not remembering all details but I can suggest you to read a few pages of any novel with dialogues. Using the spartan AU AU AUUU makes it less appealing after 20 times ( 1-2 times is ok but so much reduces the quality even if you didn't notice) . The system feels ... the mc basically got 303 soldiers free of charge and an additional 30 soldiers just because he entered a town ? It's not even missions, it's basically summon whatever soldier for coins. Yes it's important to be able to get the soldiers and build the army but... the way that you made it makes it soo easy to get an army .. as you said earlier, 300 soldiers killed about 30k of regular soldiers and had to be killed with a force of 300.000 . so it means that the system is allowing the MC to have the power of 400.000 men within the first day .

Thrust:In your opinion what could i do to make it better?
ThrustAuthor

I get you

N0_Hope:It's a difficult question to answer. When I evaluate is after reading and feeling so I'm not remembering all details but I can suggest you to read a few pages of any novel with dialogues. Using the spartan AU AU AUUU makes it less appealing after 20 times ( 1-2 times is ok but so much reduces the quality even if you didn't notice) . The system feels ... the mc basically got 303 soldiers free of charge and an additional 30 soldiers just because he entered a town ? It's not even missions, it's basically summon whatever soldier for coins. Yes it's important to be able to get the soldiers and build the army but... the way that you made it makes it soo easy to get an army .. as you said earlier, 300 soldiers killed about 30k of regular soldiers and had to be killed with a force of 300.000 . so it means that the system is allowing the MC to have the power of 400.000 men within the first day .
Seraphim_02Lv1

Speaking of the army, be careful if you increase it too much because it must have a structure, for example captains, comandantes, etc. Now there are few and it does not have much problem but when there are many it will be required. You have many topics for many chapters you don't need to go fast forming a good base is the best.

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