Review Detail of Retsag in The Vial Of Hypnos
Review detail
In a few words: very interesting opening, the MC has a realatable personality, the links between characters are easy to understand and the "bad guy" is easily identified as a threat. and now in a bit more then a few words: the opening sequences is a bit long, the main idea has already been established, no need to one and one about the the monsters and the weird portals. Indeed I hade no other events to compare it with, which me made me a bit confused on one hand we have the apocalypse and on the other a normal guy working in a tavern with lots of people around, which sevearly down plays the "end of the world" flashback After that initial intro everything is good, the characters give just enought info about the world and themselves for it to be realistic and their actions are logical, except for Elisabeth. She spend a eternity explaning that they MUST please the costumer and fails to bring 1 of 2 things he asked: the beer and the MC (not her). other then that, the siracus is very cliché, which isn't always a bad thing if you know what your doing and the author seems too. However the main issue is a sever lack of description, beyond the MC's bathroom everything is described by their name without any reall indication. Is this a mediaval tavern, a modern bar, a futuristic space station or a combination of all the above? It looks like the author just got bored of making descriptions in the midle of the chapter. The first are really good, but mostly useless and the one at the end are, well... not here... I won't criticize the grammar since I'm really bad at it myself, that English isn't my first laguage and that I slept throught every grammar lesson I had in both French and English! (and spanish too guess) Anyway it's a good story with an interting beginning, will defenitivly keep reading!
The Vial Of Hypnos
Prince_nonchalant
Liked by 3 people
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Retsag:I understand what you mean, especialy since I've done the exact same in my story, but as my bets friend said: "You can make the most complex chapter in the world with insane call backs and incredible forshadowing, but as long as the guy reading hasn't made or wasn't given the links yet, it'll just be a very large pille of words." [He never actualy said that, but saying that he did will make it more convincing. :] sincerely Retsag99 ;]
Thank you. I'll put everything you noted into consideration. As for the descriptions, I worked hard on the more important details which is why it seemed to just fall in quality after a while. Over describing the town, characters, etc wasn't that major. But the dream has significant importance which is why it's so detailed. And I mean it has a LOT of importance. At first, things may seem a little random but they're all part of context clues, foreshadowing, etc that will make a lot more sense when more chapters are released.
I understand what you mean, especialy since I've done the exact same in my story, but as my bets friend said: "You can make the most complex chapter in the world with insane call backs and incredible forshadowing, but as long as the guy reading hasn't made or wasn't given the links yet, it'll just be a very large pille of words." [He never actualy said that, but saying that he did will make it more convincing. :] sincerely Retsag99 ;]
Prince_nonchalant:Thank you. I'll put everything you noted into consideration. As for the descriptions, I worked hard on the more important details which is why it seemed to just fall in quality after a while. Over describing the town, characters, etc wasn't that major. But the dream has significant importance which is why it's so detailed. And I mean it has a LOT of importance. At first, things may seem a little random but they're all part of context clues, foreshadowing, etc that will make a lot more sense when more chapters are released.