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Prince_nonchalant

Prince_nonchalant

Lv3

Stop caring what others think and do your own thing. Having the self-confidence to remain unbothered even when others try to pull you down will do you justice. Be calm. Be cool. Be nonchalant.

2020-09-28 JoinedUnited States
9d

Writing

19.9h

of reading

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461
  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant2d
    Replied to subtorren

    I posted hours ago. Is it not showing or something?

    Ch 29 The Power Of Dreams
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant4d
    Replied to subtorren

    Yeah, don't worry. I'll do my best to handle it uniquely. I won't let it be a constant thing where every time he's in a tough spot, it happens

    Ch 29 The Power Of Dreams
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    The Vial Of Hypnos
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant7d
    Posted

    This story caught my attention with how it was written. I've seen many books that try to do alternate POVs and fail to execute them properly. But this one does it quite well. Synopsis: This was interesting and well done. It provided dialogue that hints at the personalities of the characters and then expounds on it further with details. Well done, author, but there were like one or two missing words and letters. I believe this could be fixed with editing. Writing Quality: Excellent. But just as I had stated in the synopsis, there are a few missing words and letters in some sentences. Nothing major but revising your chapter would help. World Background: I think the world-building is pretty well done. The story builds just at the right pace and serves the reader a nice contradiction between the male Mc and the female Mc. Good job. Overall: Not much to criticize. The book is captivating and well done. Keep up the good work, author!!

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    The unexpected destined mate
    Fantasy RomanceEmmy_Thomson
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant7d
    Commented

    Thanks but I have to because at this rate, I'll never catch up to the leaders of the WPC 馃槄

    Ch 23 An Offer
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant8d
    Replied to subtorren

    Sounds good and good luck with the WSA!

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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant8d
    Replied to subtorren

    Author, why did you delete the book?

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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant10d
    Replied to J_Titan

    Thank you. I'll try reviewing to see why the MC's actions look forced. I'm not sure if you're referring to his fight with Bolton but the truth was Bolton wanted a fight from the beginning for plot purposes further down the line which is why he bothered the MC until he got it. Not sure if that's what you're referring to

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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant10d
    Replied to Prince_nonchalant

    closing quotation* Not hun Saw this late and thought I'd correct

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    The shadow of dead.
    Fantasy RomanceSurbhi_mithil
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant10d
    Posted

    The story is certainly unique. It gives off a different vibe from many I've read. If I'm correct then I believe it's somewhat intertwined with the Indian gods. I'll review step by step below: Synopsis: One of the best aspects of the book but I believe it contains just a little too much information. Add a few more sentences and it would look more like a prologue than a synopsis. You should keep this concise and to the point. Writing Quality: Honestly, the grammar is okay but the organization and punctuations are far from perfect. Sometimes you use quotations to dictate dialogue then sometimes you don't. That's very confusing. You should choose one of the two and stop moving between them. There was even an instance or two where you started sentences with quotations and the Hun the closing quotation is nowhere to be found. Story Development: One of the stronger points of this book. It has more of a slow build but that's fine if done correctly which I believe you have the skill to do. Overall: The author has potential and while it isn't a terrible book, there is still space for great improvement. The paragraphs were too crowded, punctuation usage could be better, and some parts were quite confusing. But don't give up. Fix these errors and your book could turn into a masterpiece. Good luck author!

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    The shadow of dead.
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant11d
    Posted

    Firstly, this story is most certainly unique. I love the vivid descriptions and the way the author brings the story to us. At the time of writing this, there are only 5 chapters so I'll review based on those. Synopsis: Your synopsis is pretty nice and captivating. It sets the expectations and so far seems to meet them. Not much can be criticized there. Writing Quality: Your word choices are phenomenal. Great descriptions and lovely ways of describing both characters and backgrounds. In terms of grammar, you're doing far better than a lot of English speakers. However, I did see a few incomplete words and badly organized sentences but I'll give this 5 stars since you stated that you're no English speaker. Story Development: This is the reason I didn't give you a full 5. While I love the descriptions and the figure of speeches used, I think you overdid it. There's a thing called too much and there was certainly more than the average reader would like to see in just a few paragraphs. If I'm not mistaken, just the first 4 opening paragraphs had like maybe around a total of 6 or so figures of speeches clumped together. That's way too much and it can confuse readers. Not everyone can read between lines so it's best to limit how many figures of speech you use. I used to do this too and I said something like "Kitchen utensils sang from the kitchen due to the shaking" and a reader was like "How the f*** are kitchen utensils singing?". You have to be mindful not to overdo these things in your writing as it can make it unreadable and it did confuse me at some parts too. Character Design and World Background: Already stated that the designs for both the backgrounds and characters were stunning so full marks there. Just try not to overdo it. Overall: 4.6 because the story has potential but it is most definitely confusing at parts. I think you're making your story wayyy too complex. Calm down a bit and relax. Everyone likes to see stunning descriptions now and then, not every 2 sentences. Fix these minor issues and you'll be good to go. Good luck author!

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    The Entomancer System - Fate Unbound
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant11d
    Posted

    So far, it's interesting enough to grab a reader's attention. However, I would recommend that readers read past the first few chapters before deciding to drop or continue. The book isn't bad IMO but it could use some adding of flavor and uniqueness. The book sounds like it's heading to a massive harem plot with an OP character which is fine if appropriately executed. If I'm right, author, please don't let it be one of those books where the girls fawn over the guy senselessly. Synopsis: Honestly, this is pretty weak. I believe the synopsis is the same as your opening paragraph to your first chapter. It doesn't really captivate the reader to check it out. Just my opinion but I believe a synopsis that gives an idea as to where the story is going would do much better. Writing Quality: Organization is pretty good so great job there author. However, vocabulary and punctuation is where you fall short. You even had a few run-on sentences but those are few to none. An example of vocabulary was when you used man's as a pronoun when it should have been men. I recommend using grammarly to fix these issues. Gave this a 4. Story Development: Nothing too insane but it does the job. The first paragraph went straight into the matter which I liked. Sometimes build up is needed but you did this quite well and caught me by surprise. I'm sure other readers will say the same. It was quite captivating though things seemed a little confusing for a while after that. Rated this a 4. World Background: Not much was said about this as it was hard to picture where the characters were. They didn't interact much with the world around them and not much was said to detail how it looked. Sure, small hints are given every now and then but they are quite vague. Would recommend adding more details to bring out an image. Overall: I rated this 4.4 but the story has potential just like any other. It just requires the author to keep pushing forward and not give up. A lot of author's give up because they believe that their story is failing but hopefully, it doesn't come to that for you. If it does, please remember that writing is a process and unless you're some sort of prodigy, you won't always ace it the first time. What's important is to keep moving forward. Your book can do it and win the WPC. Good luck, author! I'm sure you have what it takes! I'll also send a PS in support to help with the competition (I have bad memory but I'll do my best to try... If you don't see a PS from me, don't be afraid to reply to me here lol)

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    Stealing The Protagonist鈥檚 Yandere Lovers
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Replied to Retsag

    Lol funny but true

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    The Vial Of Hypnos
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Replied to subtorren

    I've been trying to increase my stockpile for 2 weeks now, but it just isn't working out due to work and lack of time. I only have my weekends and I end up having to divert my attention amongst my 3 books so it's very difficult to release 2 at a time but I'm trying

    Ch 18 Last Chance
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Posted

    Firstly, I must begin by saying that if the story lacks anything, it certainly isn't potential. I can see that the author has things planned out as there are small hints, nth major, that show where the story might be heading. The author also provides us with words and phrases that are unique to the story which requires the reader to read on to understand what they are. The author doesn't info dump and brings along points quite clearly which I like. Synopsis: A decent synopsis that captures what the book is about in a few short sentences which is what it should be. Well done. I also liked the fact that the author pointed out that the story is already planned out and that things happen for a reason. Many readers on this website fail to realize that some authors already have their story planned out and some details that are given in the story aren't plot holes or unnecessary information. It is simply foreshadowing and this book contains that. Writing Quality: While the vocabulary and choice of words aren't bad, I would say that this is the weakest point of the book. The book contains a lot of run-on sentences, incorrect usage of punctuation, and missing capitalizations. Not to be offensive to the author as I believe this is a good book but with the missing capitalizations, a lot of readers will be turned off because it might look like something being written by someone who is just starting English at first glance. I went up to around 10 chapters and then previewed from 11-26 to see if these mistakes were cleared up but they persisted. I recommend that the author edit these chapters and fix these mistakes if readers are to be more attracted to the book. I rated this 3 stars. Story Development: Done quite well. Though the reader might be a little confused at first, it becomes clearer as they read along which is why I believe this is the strongest part of this book. Good work author. 5 stars. Character Design: I was unsure whether or not to mark this because not many details are given about the characters. I saw instances in the earlier chapters like "man in the black suit" or "girl with the green hair". Those are very vague and do not paint a proper picture for the reader. Would recommend putting just a little more effort into these descriptions. I rated this a 4. World Background: Not much was said about this either. I do like the concept of the Reading Challenge and all but apart from that, not much was said in regards to the world the characters are in. You could at least let the characters interact with their world just a little more to paint a picture for the reader. Unless they're someone like me who has an active imagination, I believe it will be difficult for some readers to see how the world around the characters looks. Add more details to this and you'll be golden, author! 4 stars. Overall: A pretty decent book that I would recommend mostly to newer readers simply because of the grammatical errors. But if these were fixed, this is easily recommendable to seasoned readers. Author, I know it's difficult but do not give up, no matter what. I've been there with little reviews, collections, and comments or feedback on my story. Things will be better if you actively learn from your mistakes and apply them. Trust me. I'll try my best to keep an eye on this book but I honestly don't have much time to read as I used to do. Work is killing me (x. x ) and not to mention I have like 3 different books working on at the same time. I wish I could read like I used to but the lack of time drains me of motivation but I'll do my best to come back here when I get the chance to let you know my thoughts. Good luck, author-sama! You've got this.

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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Commented

    Leaving this is a marker. Need to release a chapter then I'll continue to chapter 4

    Ch 1 The Reader's Challenges
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Commented

    Sad starting to the chapter which I like. In terms of grammar, your vocabulary and choice of words are okay but you have a ton of run-on sentences and missing capitalizations. I recommend using grammarly to quell these

    Ch 1 Night walker potion
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Commented

    Not trying to make my first commend a bad one lol but you should probably capitalize "life" Diving in now

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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Replied to subtorren

    Noted. I did it to kind of bring more impact to the flashback but if it doesn't work then I'll take note

    "Good question. To make up for its small size, the wielder must be flexible, agile, and precise. Without these attributes, you're nothing more than a knife-wielding maniac. You must train your body to become flexible enough to dodge attacks, agile enough to counter before your enemy can strike again, and precise enough to take your enemy down in a single blow. That is how you make up for the dagger's small size."
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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Replied to Retsag

    Thank you. I'll put everything you noted into consideration. As for the descriptions, I worked hard on the more important details which is why it seemed to just fall in quality after a while. Over describing the town, characters, etc wasn't that major. But the dream has significant importance which is why it's so detailed. And I mean it has a LOT of importance. At first, things may seem a little random but they're all part of context clues, foreshadowing, etc that will make a lot more sense when more chapters are released.

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  • Prince_nonchalant
    Prince_nonchalant12d
    Replied to subtorren

    Hi, thanks for reading! It will be well over a hundred chapters

    Ch 5 Decrease
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