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UncrownedKing
UncrownedKingLv141yr
2023-11-18 00:39

(Vague spoilers from up to chapter 700) This is going to be super long, but it isn't really negative and should all be constructive, so buckle up lol. First and foremost, I love some of the fluff bits. I'd even go as far as to say it's one of this novel's strong points. But like you said, there are times where it just feels like nothing is moving forwards, and I think I know why. I think a part of the problem is the pacing. One of the reasons for that is that sometimes, this isn't really treated as only Kat's story. Rather this is Kat, Jahi, Anput and Leone's collective story. Switching to their perspective so often and needing to cover how they progress slows things down a bit because it's almost like you're writing 1 3/4's of a story. There are times when we have several chapters back to back that all take place in the same day just from everyone's pov. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that's a problem. That's just an objective observation. In fact I'm glad you do it so it doesn't feel like they are just side characters instead of true romantic love interests. Their relationship wouldn't work as well as it does without the insight into them individually. That said, it does slow things down, especially when this story often goes at a pace of only a few days passing at a time. Sometimes even day to day. Basically, I just think there needs to be larger time skips every so often. These girls are supposed to live for hundreds if not thousands of years, so it's kind of wild that not a single one of them is even in the double digits yet. If I'm not mistaken it's only been like, what, three, maybe four months or so since Kat returned from her involuntary sight seeing trip? And yet that was almost 300 chapters ago soon. She left around 270 or so. Spent a few months, at most, away and returned 420. So about 150 chapters to cover a few months. Not too bad, until you consider several years passed before that event until they got to school. And that everything after that all takes place during the same year. I'm not sure an entire year has passed since they got to school and certainly not since they passed their tests. Going by logic at least, a year should have passed, but it doesn't really feel like it. It actually feels like more should have passed by, but the characters make it seem like less actually has. And that leads to my final point. I think you're both making them grow too fast while also trying to prevent them from doing that exact same thing. They're only 8 (at least Leone was confirmed to still be 8) and have only been training for, what, 3 to 4 years now? If I'm not completely remembering things wrong, Kat "woke up" when she was 5, right? So how come after only 3 years are they even remotely close to a knight's level? It just kind of undermines the power level of the entire world, ya know? I get they're all very special in their own ways. Once in a lifetime talents. But 3 years of training, even from the best teachers, really shouldn't have them where they are now. I just feel like that was from a combination of not wanting them to grow too quickly through huge passages of time, but also needing them to be that strong to even progress in the first place. So you're stuck in a place where they are making a lot of progress but no time is actually passing. A bit of a conundrum if you will. Now, I don't have too much in the way of solutions this far into the story but I would recommend just biting the bullet and giving the other characters levels or at least level approximations. Effective levels if you will. This is only because, as it is currently, it's really hard to judge how strong anyone is in this story. We know the peek with the empress, but we don't really know how far away that peek actually is. Kat is making progress but when you don't really have anything to visually compare that with, it feels like it might as well not even matter. When you have her effectively on a similar level to Jahi, then have Jahi constantly sparring with her mother, it just feels like they're already near the top. Even if logically we know how much her mother has to be holding back, without any actual indication, it's hard to place. In fact, due to Chodeva essentially being treated as a plaything by Lady Fenryas just like everyone else, it just makes it feel like they're around the same level. I would recommend giving her someone serious to fight that the girls can't help with to truly show the gap between them and more importantly, how far they all still have to grow. There's a reason most action novels have some kind of ranking system. Cultivation, adventurer ranks, knight ranks, mage tiers, levels, etc. In any case this ran a lot longer than I thought but I hope it helps.

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Ketsueki_Hasu
Ketsueki_HasuAuthor

It does help, and thanks for the feedback! Like you said, trying to create a pace that isn’t just ‘and then a month/year passed’ or excruciatingly slow is rather difficult since I want to showcase the growth and effort they put in, but that really mugs down the progress in the grand scheme On top of the ‘slow’ progress theres the fact that I myself just… don’t feel the most confident with everything at the moment and taking that leap and potentially ruining the story is a serious fear that I have, even if I know I can’t make a mistake *that* bad; I’d like to think I’m that competent of an author lol The differing POV’s certainly could be a hinderance but I love them too much and want to flesh everyone out properly, so that everyone can see how they’ve grown and come to love them like I do Finally, the problem of power scaling is very real, and I do certainly need to address it very soon; like you said, they seem rather strong and that’s cause they are, but compared to Knights they still have a ways to go But, again, I need to properly address that and display it, but the problem becomes how? They have some serious powerhouses looming over them who don’t want to risk it, so making a way to display their power without it seeming forced is a challenge, but perhaps I need to search for a valid way to do so without it being too forced… Anyways, feedback is always appreciated, especially when it’s given respectfully but still critically, so thank you very much!

UncrownedKing
UncrownedKingLv14

You're very welcome! I really do love this story. I do worry about coming off too harsh with my words since this is probably one of my all time favorite novels I've ever picked up, definitely in the top 20 at the very least. I usually don't have much of anything to criticize either that isn't something minor. Typically I just have suggestions which is rare. Like I'd like to see more interactions between Kat and her mom and just more from Ria in general, but other than that? Who knows. Now, just to offer a suggestion for the power scaling and perhaps even the time progression problem, maybe this is where Nirina comes into play? Especially since she got so much focus and her arc is kind of being wrapped up or at least this chapter of it is. I don't think it was ever mentioned how one officially becomes a knight, so what about making one of the requirements some kind of challenge or tournament? Feels like that's right up the Empire's modus operandi. Either something annually or whatever the other squires can get involved in or just something anyone who thinks they're qualified can participate in. Maybe two separate events, one for new squires and one for those who think they are ready to be knights. Idk spitballing. Then you have Kat and the girls participate just so they can see how far away they are from the official position. With that, Nirina's arc can kind of be concluded with her getting Knighted. The girls have a new tangible goal to work towards, and it ends is a great place to start some kind of longer training montage or time skip. Perhaps have them all take part in the squire training for a few months or years after the challenge to build a better foundation. It would also address another "problem" I think this story has and thinking on it, another reason it's so hard to place the girls power wise. They all really need some more friends! lol, Friends and peers around their own level that they can hang out with instead of each other all the time. They are becoming a bit too dependent on each other because everyone they know is so much older and stronger than they are. Something they've all already taken notice of. I was hoping Leone's siblings would cover that role a bit more but they've been pretty out of the way so far. Still, by giving them some peers, you can always have someone to compare them with that isn't soo much stronger than they are that winning is impossible or presumed to have been given if they do. If they join the squires, you have an opportunity to give them some peers of their own that they can compare with. The school kind of worked for this but that only gave them people they themselves were so far ahead of and instead served as a great way to see how they differed from the general masses. I'd have these new friends/peers all start at around, a bit or a lot stronger than them (but still weaker than Nirina of course) that way when they do catch up to them, it feels like tangible progress. Going back to cultivation terms, the school served as the outer court disciples to the op mc, but now it's time for them to join the inner court or core disciples. People with either similar talent to them or just those with a head start on them due to age. This time you won't even have the issue the school setting had with Kat that prevented her from really socializing with anyone since now she's not just a maid. And they could also serve the purpose of gathering new recruits for their barony. Now they're close and have a reason to stay. If you don't want to go with the knights and squire thing, you could always have them visit the Sultanate and do something similar, maybe for Anput's birthday. Some kind of tournament. Would give Kat an opportunity to develop some new techniques to combat the heat if nothing else. With their society the way it is it's the perfect place to see where you stack up compared to others. Hope that helped some, even if just to get the idea tank pumping :)

Ketsueki_Hasu:It does help, and thanks for the feedback! Like you said, trying to create a pace that isn’t just ‘and then a month/year passed’ or excruciatingly slow is rather difficult since I want to showcase the growth and effort they put in, but that really mugs down the progress in the grand scheme On top of the ‘slow’ progress theres the fact that I myself just… don’t feel the most confident with everything at the moment and taking that leap and potentially ruining the story is a serious fear that I have, even if I know I can’t make a mistake *that* bad; I’d like to think I’m that competent of an author lol The differing POV’s certainly could be a hinderance but I love them too much and want to flesh everyone out properly, so that everyone can see how they’ve grown and come to love them like I do Finally, the problem of power scaling is very real, and I do certainly need to address it very soon; like you said, they seem rather strong and that’s cause they are, but compared to Knights they still have a ways to go But, again, I need to properly address that and display it, but the problem becomes how? They have some serious powerhouses looming over them who don’t want to risk it, so making a way to display their power without it seeming forced is a challenge, but perhaps I need to search for a valid way to do so without it being too forced… Anyways, feedback is always appreciated, especially when it’s given respectfully but still critically, so thank you very much!
Novelover15221
Novelover15221Lv5

I just wanted to bounce off a little of what you guys are talking about. I'm currently on chapter 522 (but have read ahead a lot because that’s what I do sometimes). I have some complaints that I also want to address. Without being that guy that thinks everything is terrible which it's not cause I really love this story. So please don't take this the wrong way. Alright, my first point is that I feel like too much stuff has happened in this one year. I was fine with you wanting to spice it up and adding in those portal monsters (they brought a nice threat that hangs above them). I was also fine with the later war that came from them. I was even fine with the vacation that Kat got. However, when you started adding archfiends into the mix that's where I feel it went a little crazy. I feel like that was too much of a leap that you took. That just kind of messed up all the pacing for me. I feel like this Arch fiend war should have been a late arc plot or middle arc plot. Because they haven't even been alive for double digits. Plus they haven't even finished the academy (which I’ll come back to). I feel like the fiends just accelerated everything even more than those two unbeatable monsters (that's what they feel like currently) did. At least with those two portal monsters, there is something we can do against them (like closing the portal). But with those archfiends, there is nothing that can be done besides being at the marquise (and I mean all of the group) or higher. Another thing that I want to talk about is that I feel like you shouldn't have had them stay at the palace for as long as they did. I feel like after the birth of her half-siblings they should have gone back to the cottage. The reason why I think that is because they aren't supposed to be training with these masters. Because the time you're supposed to do that is after going through the academy like the Marquise did and reaching knight level. This just made it where their growth was sped up too much (even though I know why because of the fiends). This ties into my next thought. My next thought is that because they are training under the almost rulers of this continent it pretty much makes knights look like nothing. They are supposed to be the powerhouses of the empire yet they get tossed around so easily not even lasting seconds against Fen. I feel like they could have (especially the marquise) matched up to at least have her strength for a couple of minutes. Because those seconds make it seem that they are nothing and at the same strength as Kat and the gang. But they shouldn't be at that level. The knights should be the people who defend the cities and towns from lesser and medium threats. While the empress and her wives deal with the empire/continent-destroying threats. My last point is that I just want to remind you that they are only 6-8 years old. Meaning that they do/ should not have the training, experience, and strength of a regular knight. And they should especially be nowhere near the marquises level. Also, they have only been training for what 4 years max? Even if they are gifted like nothing ever seen before they just don't don't have enough time in. You also have to remember that a lot of people with cores can live hundreds if not thousands of years. But, again it makes it almost impossible with the level of threats that seem way too present. Because you also go to remember that one arch-fiend had the power to slaughter dozens of people on the marquise level while being fought all at one (as mentioned in the battle in the past around chapter 480). Sorry for the super long comment and bad English.

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