webnovel
LokeErBest
LokeErBestLv142yr
2022-08-12 02:09

Well, at the start we are in the MCs POV. Yet the entire story feels like it isn’t based on the reincarnated MC. I mean who read this novel and wants to read about how her mother gets screwed a lot? I’m dissatisfied and disappointed since even after 30 chapters she’s young. The cherry on top has to be that it’s a harem, yet it isnt the MCs harem. This story has wasted potential in my opinion and feels like it isnt going anywhere. I also don’t the choices the author makes. So now after deciding to drop after 30 chapters ish, I’m annoyed, sad and a little angry.

Liked by 5 people

LIKE
Replies3
LokeErBest
LokeErBestLv14

Dont like the*

Ketsueki_Hasu
Ketsueki_HasuAuthor

1) I know it’s a slow start. I would rather focus on character development, world building, and other explanations when it makes sense, rather than when she is grown and would interrupt flow. 2) I stated that, on paper, it isn’t MC’s Harem, yes, but that it is rather more like a polygamous relationship. Jahi is the one to ‘lead’ the harem, but both actually run it. If one or the other doesn’t like something, it doesn’t happen. They have equal say in the relationship. 3) I am curious on what you think is wasted potential and what choices I made are bad. Like I stated multiple times, I want feedback so I can improve. So please, tell me where I could improve, other than speeding it up, which is something I said I was going to be doing soon anyways. I understand it won’t be for everyone, and I hope you can keep it in your collections and look at it sometime in the future and see if it is more appealing then. Thank you for the review.

LokeErBest
LokeErBestLv14

Regarding the wasted potential: The premise and idea was very interesting and how you portrayed the characters was cool and different which is refreshing to see and read. The choices i think is bad: The way the characters developed further into the story wasn't really to my liking. (so you can't really improve the book unless you rewrite it, i wouldn't rewrite because of one person since you're so far in to it at this point.) Something to improve upon, especially in the earlier chapters is, maybe don't use a long paragraph to describe how a room looks like. they're so much to remember that a picture that somewhat depicts what you envisioned would be better to improve the readers experience. I'll probably pop in once in a while to see the direction the book takes, Good luck forwards.

Ketsueki_Hasu:1) I know it’s a slow start. I would rather focus on character development, world building, and other explanations when it makes sense, rather than when she is grown and would interrupt flow. 2) I stated that, on paper, it isn’t MC’s Harem, yes, but that it is rather more like a polygamous relationship. Jahi is the one to ‘lead’ the harem, but both actually run it. If one or the other doesn’t like something, it doesn’t happen. They have equal say in the relationship. 3) I am curious on what you think is wasted potential and what choices I made are bad. Like I stated multiple times, I want feedback so I can improve. So please, tell me where I could improve, other than speeding it up, which is something I said I was going to be doing soon anyways. I understand it won’t be for everyone, and I hope you can keep it in your collections and look at it sometime in the future and see if it is more appealing then. Thank you for the review.
Other Reviews
Related Stories

Guide to tame my villainous husbands

Sequel to Guide to raise my cutie husbands. Mo Qiang, an architect was chosen by the fairy of nature who brought her to the world of interstellar where she was punished to revive the nature that she has destroyed with her own hands while creating architecture that she thought was paving way for the future. Now, stuck with a nature-reviving system in a world full of poisonous gases and intergalactic stuff where she has to start from the very beginning and plant more forest and crops while creating a liveable world for the humans, Mo Qiang was suffering. But it sounds easy right? No! In her path she has three villainous husbands, all three of them want to kill her such that they will be able to marry her capable sister after kicking her away who was trashy and good for nothing. Mo Qiang has nothing against them, in fact, she is more than willing to divorce them after securing her life and raising her favourability in their hearts such that they will not kill her but —— Why are they coming for her now? Hello, you all wanted to marry her sister right? Excerpt: “ Here you go,” said Mo Qiang as she pushed the divorce agreement looking at her first husband who was gentle but poisonous like a snake. “ I have already signed the document of our divorce, you can take a look —-wait, why are you taking your clothes off?” The mer looked at her and smiled gently as he took off his glasses and said, “ Looks like my wife is not happy with me not giving birth to our child, don’t worry I will work hard tonight.” Mo Qiang: “…..” I do not want you to work hard! Take second! “ Take this and sign it,” said Mo Qiang, this time more fiercely as she looked at her second husband who was reading a script for his film. “ I am sure you want to divorce me right? I have already signed —-woah! What are you putting me on the bed for?” She asked while looking at the gorgeous face. Her second husband stared down at her and with a blank expression and voice as cold as water said, “ I have to practice a love-making scene, help me, dear wife.” Mo Qiang: “……” This movie that you are shooting is based on the Zerg apocalypse, don’t lie to me! With whom are you going to make love with? A Zerg? Take third! “ Huff, huff..this is the divorce agreement, sign it... I know that your company does not allow idols to date so here sign it,” she said to her third husband who was practising his dance moves. The mer who was dressed in a loose silk shirt and sweat dripping down his body took a look at the document that she was handing him and then hugged Mo Qiang. A second later she heard his sniffling voice while he peppered kisses on her neck, “ Wife you do not want me? Is that the new idol who attracted your attention, I knew it! I will take care of him!” “Put down that knife will you!” And why is the third prince of the imperial family who hated her to the bones coming after her with flowers? She already has her hands full! ….

fairytail72 · Fantasy
4.8
1297 Chs

Ethereal World: Vicious Cannon Fodder's Immortality Road

Bei YueYue was an unselfishness and a gentle person. Afterwards, she transmigrated and became 'Huang Ying Yue', a female cannon fodder who is being famous for her viciousness, merciless, lustfulness, inhuman and had a nymphomaniac personality in the immortal novel which she just read. In the novel, the original ‘Huang Ying Yue’ has done uncountable evil deeds to offend a lot of the powerful characters inside. Not only the heroine in the novel, even all the heroine’s men in the harem were harassed and abused physically and mentally by ‘her’ in different methods. The road to immortality is full of spicules, hazards, and unforeseeable threats. Evil cultivators, monsters and demons are rampaging everywhere. While pursuing the immortality road, all the cultivators have to join force to eliminate those evil beings. While trying to accomplish her goal, YueYue has to face countless powerful enemies whom 'Huang Ying Yue' offended in the past as well as the debts which 'Huang Ying Yue' committed. Simultaneously, she has to face the iceberg beauty heroine, Huang Bai Xing who is surrounded by countless beautiful men, and heaven defying fortunes. With golden finger and the love from the heaven, Huang Bai Xing received golden fingers. With golden fingers, Huang Bai Xing grew stronger day by day and await for the best opportunity to kill ‘Huang Ying Yue’. Powerful people, Huang Bai Xing’s men, one by one take out their weapons, intend to kill and teach her the horrible lesson because 'she' hurt their beloved woman. Fortunately, with the heaven-defying Ethereal small world that she received, she could plant the spiritual plants, harvest the spiritual fruits, cultivate with the abundant spiritual power and cheating time, bathing with the spiritual waterfall inside the space, while keeping her ‘peaceful’ life of pursuing the immortality road. With her loyal beast army, she embarked on the cultivation road to meet new people, love, friendship, hardships, excitement and mysterious past while changing her and everyone’s fate around her for the better future. Subconsciously, she didn’t even realize that because of her personality, she attracts countless peach blossoms that changed her dull life eternity. Warning: 1VN ending, one female end up with many men. There are taboo love here Please read the tags before you immerse yourself in my world. Cover from: Webnovel AI Generator Character Image: Pinterest, Credit goes to all original owner My Instagram Account: Littlecarrot006_ My DISCORD Username: littlecarrot6510 Please comment for the discord link. My second book: Myth Of Miracle: Reborn To Defy My Fate That book is for participating in WSA 2024 (Progressing) #Portalspace #Reverseharem #Taboolove #Femaleleadxianxia #Xianxia #Np #Cultivation #Adventure #Immortality #polyandry #Manybeautifulmen #transmigrated #cannonfodder #Romance #Fighting #Beast #Multicontinents #Mysteriouspast #KindandgentleFLbutnotweak #Forgivebutnotforget #CleverFL

Littlecarrot · Fantasy
4.5
808 Chs

The Marriage of an Esteemed Supreme Healer, a Noble Ruler

In her previous life, she was the esteemed princess destined to be worshipped by everyone. However, she ultimately burns herself to death when she is betrayed on the eve of her wedding day! She is reborn into a declining aristocratic family as a loser and forgotten daughter. While she leads a life full of bullying and suffering, the ones who had hurt her before are already enjoying the glory of the world at the top! Once reborn, the phoenix dances to the nine heavens, taming magical beasts, strengthening her force, and dictating life and death of gods and humans as the master healer. To those who betrayed and humiliated her, she swears a hundred-fold return on them for the torture she suffered! … His Highness, Prince Li, is frail and gentle. As the Night King who holds the world in his hands, he gives everything up for the sake of one person. To his only love, he promises her a life with eternal peace and joy. … She thinks her journey would be filled with blood and tears, but she doesn’t know that what awaits her is a long-premeditated lifetime of love and prosperity! One little drama along the way… At first, everyone advised, “Your Highness, the forgotten daughter of the Chu family is unworthy of you!” Later, everyone mocked, “The frail Prince will never be a worthy match to the Princess destined for greatness!” In the end, everyone sighed sorrowfully, “Why? Is she really worth it?” He simply smiled. “I will follow her even if she is in the clouds; if she turns into dust, I will follow suit, too. For her, nothing was bitter in our previous lives; our remaining years will be full of sweetness.

Zhan Xiye · Fantasy
4.7
2588 Chs

Garden Of Poison

[Volume 1: Dante Blackthorn] When Anastasia and her sister Marianne are captured and shipped across the seas by pirates, they become commodities to be sold in a distant land. Marianne is taken as a courtesan, while Anastasia barely escapes a terrible fate by pretending to be mute. She is forced into the lowest ring of servants at the royal palace, where she endures a life of servitude and creates beautiful artwork to mask her pain. Despite years passing, Anastasia has never forgotten her sister's promise to return to their family together. However, with her movement restricted and the guards vigilant, escape seems impossible. When Anastasia comes into contact with the Forsaken Prince, her life spirals out of control and she triggers a Crux of incredible proportions. Now battling her own inner demons while navigating the treacherous politics of the royal court, Anastasia must confront the truth about her sister's fate and make a choice that could alter the course of an entire kingdom. [Volume 2: Emily Blackthorn] Princess Emily's life takes a turbulent turn when she is rejected, leaving her heartbroken and her soul at the brink of corruption. In a desperate bid to save herself, she journeys to the West. Enter the Storm Prince, a charismatic archdemon with striking blue eyes, with a saint-like smile. Emily had hoped she'd seen the last of him, but fate has other plans. As if her soul dying isn’t enough, someone wants to steal it! Caught between the suitors and the haunting nightmares that have plagued her since childhood, Emily begins to see Raylen in a new light. The blue-eyed demon may not be the monster she once thought.

ash_knight17 · Fantasy
4.9
286 Chs

The Dragon Queen and her mates.

Mature content: ‘You are not my craving my dear, you are my obsession.’ “ She was our light and we were her darkness—- and just like every opposites we were obsessed with the idea of having her.” The Evil Empress, the one whose life was filled with debauchery and betrayal to her mates was supposed to die tonight. Being the Empress of the Dragniere Empire and the mother to all dragons, she was supposed to live a life where she lived for her people and the country, her exquisite powers were alone enough to make her the ruler of the entire continent and with her face that was as beautiful as a shining pearl in the moonlight, with hair as fine as Pima, and her curves so luscious that any man would have died of desire with just one glimpse. With powers that were beyond humans, shrouded with the air of aristocracy and with a personality that was as cruel as Medusa, The Evil Empress continued to rule over the people of her Empire with her tyranny. Brianna Cage, nicknamed ‘ Bree, The hellion’ for the convenience of her acquaintances was a rowdy young woman. She had a fierce sense of justice, she was dependable and despite not being the most beautiful woman in her department, she was sought out by a lot of men because of her alluring nature, she rejected them all because in truth she was in love with —— all the Daddies in the comic books she has read. Behind her aloof and dependable persona resided a Weeb who was always cheering on the characters of her favourite books. One day she came upon the book ‘ The Maid’s route of survival of the fittest’ and decided to read it just for the heck of it since the Empress shared the same name as her. But soon Bree found out that the Empress was the Villainess, she even betrayed her mates one by one and what was even more gut-wrenching she was killed by her mates! All for the sake of the maid who reincarnated into the book with a system to help her. Bree though angry decided to throw the book at the back of her head but oddly enough the book vanished and Bree found herself waking up in the room of the Evil Empress just three weeks before she was executed by her mates! Startled but not having the time to freak out, Bree started to take care of everything that the Evil Empress has done wrong. She thought that she would be able to live a peaceful life away from her bloodthirsty mates who didn’t seem too fond of her. But unfortunately, things didn’t go as she planned as five sets of eyes fell on her despite all the precautions she has taken against them. And once those eyes locked on her, they refused to let go of their possessiveness. The Evil Empress was theirs, to begin with who dares take her away?

fairytail72 · Fantasy
4.8
270 Chs